Mah Gol (Moon Flower)

2012-01-25T09:12:00.001+01:00

Den här posten är inte första som jag tänkte börja så:Det var länge sen jag skrev här...Men så är livet idag.
Jag "jobbade" innan jul och mellandagar och sen åkte jag till IRAN slutet av januari.Mamman, pappan, Mariam och Mahya, Shahab, Shadi, svärmor, Kalagh och Pouria, alla var där när jag kom ur från terminalen.Det var roligt. Mycket kärlek och glädje.Jag fick opererar mina halsmandel och fixa grundligt två tänder och därför fick jag stanna en vecka till vilket gjörde mig nervos först men sen när jag skrev till min chef, han var jätte snäll och det kändes hur bra som helst när jag såg att han förstör situationen.min arbetskamrader var också snälla. Ulrika hjälpte så mycket som hon kunde och jag fick en welcome note på mitt skrivbord när jag kom tillbaks.Det finns Capoeira på måndagar, onsdagar och söndagar. Träningsverk är tillbaks!Jag har bestämmd mig att gå dit även om jag inte orkar träna. Jens, Daniel, andra Daniel och Niklas har varit där så länge.Shahab stannade i Iran eftersom han har lite grejer att fixa där. Nu är det tomt i våra lilla lägenhet men så är livet jag har klarat mig utan him i fyra år, jag är stark och klarar mig ett tag till.Jag känner mig lite förkyld. efter operationen det känns som mina örön har blivit lite mer känsliga. Jag måste täcka dem annars blir de smärtsam.
Jobbet ska bli roligare eftersom Tomas kommer och det ska hända grejer. Överlämningen och nya uppdrag och ...Jag missade mindfullness utbildningen och jag får inte försätta men Christian sa att det kan hända att vi kör en värv till! :)Troligen är jag med på högvärv i Västerås och Eskilstuna som VIT representant och det blir roligt hoppas jag.
Idag ska jag till nya studentens Mingel Evening och det var Romain som bjöd mig och Shahab men jag ska ensam eftersom det är lite för långt för Shahab att komma hit ikväll.goollleye namak shodam...
Jag onskar love and peace to you allIt feels more and more that it is not we who makes everything happen but a much more clever, kind and powerful force whom I am proud to call God.

2011-12-02T16:46:00.002+01:00

Hi to you who cares and readds or is just nosy and wants to know what's up.
It has been more than one month taht I am working here at Volvo IT "near" Eskilstuna.
Many many nice people who sit infront, on the right, on the left and behind me.
:)
I want ot talk to them and laugh and say out all th ejokes which come sto my mind but this fucking language problem is always there.
I am so afraid to say something wrong and hurt somebody.
It feels lik eit is going ot take a long time before I feel inside and people do not look at me as an outsider.
But I am familiar with this situation. I completely understand them. If someone just sits there and says nothing... ooof who wants a creepy company.
If there is something to do then time goes very fast but if there is not so much to do it feels like the clocks have slept deep in this cold.
the trip to Iran is planned. I will celebrate my birthday with my family after three years.
Mitra went on ansoline and I have gained 10 kilos and thre is this connection in between taht she is so worried about me to get Diabetees and so am I.
But I will start Capoeira again after we come back from Iran.
Love and Peace to all
Mahgol (MAL)

2011-10-20T23:54:00.002+02:00

WOW!

It has been five months since I wrote here last.

It has been such a chaotic five months. lots of missings. I miss Mitra, Ahmad, Maryam and Mahya and no one else.

It feels like I wake up with them and say goodnight to them and then it starts all the dreams about them. One night I was going to school with Maryam. The small details of the street we used to walk in spring, autumn and winter.

The other night it is my mom who is cooking food and asks me to watch the frying onions while she goes to the bathroom. And my father is sitting there at his desk, he has his glasses on and is reading a book. I go there and he looks at me above his glasses and asks me: "Kari dari baba?"

And Mahya is there in her room, I pass by and she smiles to me with her natural pink lips...

I was in Iran last year in the end of May and I will start working in four days. From Monday it is not just a matter of price of ticket and if my thesis is finished or not to organize a trip to HOME but it is also a lot of other things involved such as vacations and holidays and visa and ...

Any way...

Life is good, it actually is very good and I have promised my self to be strong.

A lot of daily receipts I have to register in our Excel file which is like a cost control thingy for our small family and I am excited about the movie we are going to watch tomorrow.

It will be the first 3D movie shown in Electra which is a kind of intellectual cinema in Västerås.

The movie is called Pina

http://www.elektrabio.se/filmer/visningar/21-27-okt/pina

I promise to be back and write more here. I am sure I want to record my first experiences at work.

Love and Peace to the world

Mahgol

2011-04-20T23:28:00.003+02:00

The lamps at the back of the student union in the parking place shake behind a layer of tears...

I miss your eyes

I miss your voice

I miss your smile

I miss your arms

I miss your being

I want to be close to you.

I want to talk to you.

Sun is shining but it hurts, you are not here to enjoy with me.

Trees are blossoming and it seems so short since when you come back there are just old leaves left.

People smile and try to get me smile; they don't know it is lost somewhere in the last Saturday on the way to Stockholm.

But I am not deeply sad, I know there are springs and summers coming in which we will be together, side by side and hand in had celebrate the nature waking up.

This room it too quite without you and so is my heart.

2011-02-14T12:55:00.003+01:00

Hon är på väg till ett nytt liv.

Jag kommer o sakna henne...

det var roligt o se henne minst en gång i veckan de senaste veckorna.

Det blev så att jag trodde inte att hon skulle flytta på riktigt tills imorse, när jag såg henne som gick mot stationen med en ryggsak och en stor väska...

Nu är hon klar här med Vås.

Ditt liv är som en dröm. Du får njuta så mycket som möjligt doost e khoob e man!

Yours Sincerely

Divooneh

2011-01-17T13:40:00.003+01:00

I have always told you that white suits you my sweetheart,

What do you find more than Snow in this land?

How joyful can it be to look at your love, sleeping in peace

with a light smile on his face...

God! Thank you thousand thousand times!

2011-01-14T00:53:00.004+01:00

WoW, It has been long ago I wrote here...

I have some short important news to give you...

11th of December, our waitings ended after 3 years... No wait, 8 years since we decided to live together...

Shahab came here.

18th of December we went to an Iranian party and had a good time together.

24th at the Christmas evening we went to Anton and Margaryta with Zarina and enjoyed ourselves as always.

And then: Happy New Year! :)

The first New Year with my sweetheart beside me, looking at the fire works with Constance, Melika and Bjorn at the Västerås city ringen.

4th of Jan was my Birthday and we had a fika with Bijan, Soudabeh, Sepideh, Melika and Bjorn.

Shahab has started learning Swedish. He is repeating the numbers while writing his home works.

It looks like Shahab like my friends and they like him as well. I hope he does not feel himself alone far from his gang in Iran.

I thank God every second... It feels like I have the kindest creature here by my side.

Life is even more colorful...

I will be writing more about the new feelings soon.

Untill then as Ofakin says: stay blessed

p.s. I think about you my little Nomin when ever I write a new post. Hej på dig!

2010-11-17T23:19:00.003+01:00

If you stand at a corner of the street or just near the entrance of your building, (if you don't have a big lamp there), and look at the sky, watch the birds, smell the flowers, eat snow or just take some deep breath you will be considered as crazy and weird

BUT

as soon as they see a light between your fingers, you have a very good excuse:

You are just smoking!

we humans are strange!

2010-11-12T12:02:00.002+01:00

Hej...
Here I am sitting at Janes, sorry Batus desk with a nice view of snow from the window, enjoying my tea with a bite of Tobrelone. The last two days has been busy in Lidl. 18 hours of work in two working days. But the pauses I take with tea in my hand and biscuit/chocolate thingy in my pocket looking at the snow and cars sliding on icy ways has been so relaxing.
I am working on Incubators again. It sounds still interesting. Maybe I should have never stopped working on them. This topic has been in the back of my mind for the last two years.
Back to work
Love and Peace to you and me
p.s. picture from womans health

2010-11-05T01:13:00.002+01:00

It smells like flower in my room.

My mom is sleeping on my bed.

It feels so amazing having her here.

She is just calmness and strenght and it just flows in me when she is beside me.

I don't know if all parents are the same, but I can say it about mine.

It has been so wonderful the last 8 days with her. it has gone so fast...

She will leave Sweden tomorrow . . .

And I will be alone here again. Life will be the same as past.

We are going to watch a ballet show in Stockholm and visit Firouzeh in Täby.

I got a fixed number so that my family can call me easier and with a more rational price.

Lets hope that the weather is good today in Stockholm...

Aha one more news, I am not a fadder any more.

Not an official one, nut I will try to help new students as much as I can.

Love and Peace to you and my mom and my family...

2010-10-20T10:24:00.002+02:00

Sooooo

It has been long ago since I wrote.

Finally a calm vening followed by a good sleep and waking up by Expert's call about comhem abonemang and a morning of watching some dokumentärs and sience programmes.

Later todaz I will swim and work and make a good dinner for myself.

I t is amazing how we get higher performance when there is more demand from life. I think I should be always asked or expected to do something not to get lazy and be productive.

The exam was not like those old time exams that I was 100 percent sure about all teh eanswers but with help of Neda jag klarade mig.

Momi is coming here to visit me and I am soooo happy about it. I have already started planning her stay and contacted my friends who I wish her to visit them or they want to meet her.

It is cold outside but to keep in warm inside does not have anything to do with temperaturen!

Love and peace to you all and to myself

2010-10-03T22:23:00.003+02:00

It got cold and I felt so deeply alone,

again.

"friend", "old friend", "good friend",

shined like a star in my dark night.

I called your name,

you turned and looked at me. . .

There was nothing in your kind eyes.

No doubt,

you are friend,

you are old friend,

you are good friend.

but,

It is another down like the other downs, which I rolled or climbed or just fell on my own.

I do it again and again. The call I mean and the hope and disappointment which follows with no hesitation.

It is not supposed to be any company in these ups and downs.

It is life and it is my life.

2010-09-30T12:25:00.002+02:00

He who is chasing me with his eyes all the time is sitting just over there feeling the same probably as I do about the one.

I hear his voice and there is a big sorrow in my heart that makes my eyes wet.

No single day has passed without thinking about him and wishing to see him.

How is it possible that I pick his voice among so many people talking and shouting in so many different languages.

It is so cold here.

Life is strange and so is love...

2010-09-29T21:37:00.003+02:00

Soon I will be off to France.

I can not stop waiting to see and hug my mom. God I have missed her.

It is also a great pleassure to meet my aunts and cousines.

The Norway trip was amazingly good! Though I twised my ankle and it still hurts.

There was another Stochastical Proccess test and I think I wrote this one correct too but we will see if I face the red "not solved" sign from dear Anatoly.

I still feel good about sharing with Jane and it is a little bit tight with Constance but it is so good to have her around specially when she is so tidy and clean though I would never guess! :)

Next trip Croacia!

Looks like a perfect place to go in April. Hopefully, Czech guys will follow too. Maybe Sam can come as well. would be perfect. By that time Shahab must be here too.

From travel mates to Norway I got to know Walter and Bruno more and I really like them.

Okej I dont feel like writing more. Lets keep more for later.

Love and hope to all

2010-09-16T21:40:00.002+02:00

It has been long go since I wrote. I have not written since I moved to my new place.

This is a new experience, sharing with a friend.

I think itwould be hard if Jane was not so nice and flexible and easygoing.

I enjoy everymoment of it.

I am regreting why did I not do it sooner.

I always believed that we are herd animals or in nicer words, we need company, maybe that is why deppression is so huge! People are getting mroe and more egoistic and "needing thei own space!".

Why don't poor people living in a small house with several other families get deppressed? :)

Anyways.

Life is getting mroe and more on its track!

After the first test, the first hiking and the visa which got issued finally.

Melika is back and Constance will be soon.

Clover has things is control and I am eating in a good routine after three years of eating garbage!

Thanks to Jane!

This semester my ears miss Capoeira live music my shoulders miss tapps from capoeiristas in trainings and my palms miss high fives from Jens and others.

My eyes miss their eyes locked on mine in Roda.

I miss the training pains in my muscles and the restlessness after hard trainings.

Tango is cancelled too.

It feels much more like an ordinary "LIFE"!

Sacrificing what you like for other things you like to have in future.

The room is basically furnished from what others did not need anymore and presants I have received.

If you are curious about life at Lidl! I should say that as always it is so much dependant on people for me!

If Anders is happy, Marcus is smiling, Edgar is joking or Pernilla's eyes shine, Stefan's eyes don't have bags under them, I am happy. Anna is away to Thailand, Patrik is sick after the vacation he got and Linus is too new to be ble to say something about him.

but he is so friendly and sweet as well.

I try to be honest and friendly. It is hard with the language. Maybe on of the sweetest times at work is when you work in the shop to make it tidy and get rid of the extra packages then you have some time to talk with each other or when you work in the storage room or count the cashier but even then, I am too tired to kepp up with Swedish and they are too tired to talk in English.

Anyway it is like always I look in them and see kids! Playful and happy.

i specially like Anders so much. I think he is a very good human being. He should be very playful in his world. I don't know how I came to this conclusion so don't ask! :)

I have heard from several people that Swedes look nice but they talk behind your back alot and kind of ruin your reputation but I am not even worried about it because I just don't believe in that being worried helps. I am just myself and the worst taht can happen is loosing a job but I hope I can keep friends and be a good person.

The governmental ellection is close and I have the right to vote for our state! It is funny all of them have somethings that are good and some points that are not so it is not taht easy to decide but I hope to come to a conclusion soon.

I had four plants that I loved most among my plants and I gave them away to Tanja, Christian and Krista!

I gave two Orkides to Tanja to thank for her kindness and generousity. I gave one of those that we planned with Sam in 2007 to Christian because I like him so much and I wanted him to have something that has got a lot of love from me and I gave the other one to Krista and Stefan because they moved in and I think they deserve having my lovely plant.

Mitra is coming to Europe on 23rd and I am going to visit her hopefully between 4th and 12th of October in France. I am so excited about it. I was hoping that Shahab can follow as well but it does not look like his visa will be issued by then.

Aniko is back in Sweden, looking for job.

These days everybody is kind of searching for a stability and the political parties have used it a lot to do advertisement for themselves.

I have the first gym training tomorrow at seven and it will be a long day. So need to get some rest makes me say bye and wish you sweet sweet dreams.

Love and Peace to all

2010-08-12T20:09:00.003+02:00

Maybe today was one of the most beautiful days in last three weeks and I stayed teh whole day at home wondering about so many things that there was actually no need to take up today...

I should not rush in anything and it is so much against my nature but when I get stressed I can not avoid it.

Mohammad Nouri died and my mom said nothing about it when we talked.

We went out yesterday with my "friends" and there was a girl that all of them knew her but me!

They had had dinner together and ... and none of them said a word to me.

I flet like they don't want my company and I kind of understand them.

Even today I did not go for the dinner I was invited to fast jag

hade inte lovad att jag går.

Sun is setting at qvarter past eight and it is shining through the living room in Tanja and Liza's apartment and we just finished dinner and are waiting for the tea.

They talked with Tanja's mom and grandmo and it is so nice to listen to a language that I can not pick even one word!

I wish I ad a camera, I could take good pictures from

Tanja and Liza.

Laughing without any reason and Liza talking with me and coming to my room without any real reason is a ood sign of getting integrated in their small cozy family.

Locky is going around smelling at everything, leaving pälls overallt.

Clover comes back tomorrow, Afshinis in Stockholm, I talked to Firouzeh, I tried to call Sam several times and family stuff in Tehran are kind of getting more and more complicated not for me but for me!

Does not make sense for you? sorry I can not explain m

ore! This part is one of those parts I write for myself and myself.

I gonna miss this place when I move out! I wish they had an extra room i could rent and live with them.

By the way after the two dreams I had two nights in a row about my uncle Ali, I tried to call him but he did not pick up. Miss my family...

next week is a day ful of exams and work and meetings...

Let c how am Igonna make this through.

Love and peace to me and to you and to all the world.

May God bless us in these nice period of time.

2010-08-11T15:07:00.005+02:00

I just checked my blog if I have written about the lady in yellow who paid for my parking and did not expect any thing in return and yes I had done it.

It might feel desperate but such people and such things have become rare!

yesterday finally I saw some smile on the face of my colleague Fredrik.

I got a BIG, better to say huge! Squash from Pelle who is working in the farm me and Clover also have a piece of land and Te whole last week I have been wondering how nice some one can be and this some one is Tatjana, my former teacher and current friend.

She is so pure, friendly, nice and ... but I have been thinking how hard has it been to know her. I never thought she was bad or mean but could never guess she is so nice niether.

She is shy and not so talkative.

I am staying in their apartment and she has moved to her daughter's room and left her room to me. They wait for me to wake up and have breakfast and she does not move any thing I put somewhere in case I wanted to have it there or ....

It is just soooo nice and I don't know if I deserve it or not.

I talked with Siavash after a loooong period and it felt so good to see old friends are always close friends even if you don't meet or talk for a long time.

The interview is getting even closer than we expected it and we are looking forward.

Yesterday we went swimming with Constance, Julian and Liza and it was so good to be in motion again!

This morning the sun was shining and promised Liza to go out but now it realy looks ready to rain but one should keep ens ord!

Love and peace to you all

MahgoL

p.s. I found these pictures on Saba Soltanzadeh's page. We used to go to the same class when I was 8!

it is not so hard to find me, almost the same face and be revayati the same brain! :)

2010-08-07T19:46:00.004+02:00

In Sweden, summer is like a long shock!
It is soon over.
Constance is back, Clover will be back, Tanja is back, school is getting a new life from the students who are getting to do re-exams in the middle of the August and the staff who are getting ready to receive new students.
The wind, early and earlier sunsets and the special smell in the air!
The rain coat hanging to my bag as a security shield :)
I read a nice sentence today:
Birth and death are not in your hands but you can choose to LIVE in between these two.
I am in a constant attempt to get closer to my colleagues in Lidl, for it is the only way I can enjoy working and that is one of the requirements of enjoying life.
This is a good one too.
Var så goda!
:)
p.s. it means: forgive the others, not just because they deserve your forgiveness but also because you deserve this calmness.

2010-07-27T23:50:00.002+02:00

Today was a long day, started at quarter past 6,

good breakfast with Jel and Matthias,

driving them to station and saying goodbye,

Sundinska, cleaning Bjorn's car,

picking up my posts, getting a present from Janas and Sofie (how sweet of them),

taking Sina to "UNI", he ended up going to meet the former owner of my appatment to be!

Driving home, getting some papers,

checking my account, YES!!!! the salary is there!

Paying some depts,

calling momi, Maryam, Mahya, Baba, Shahab's maman, Shahabam! :)

going to radiology to tke a picture from my wrist,

going down town to have my contract with mimer!

Here is the thirst sweet part of the story, first one was the presant from Sofie and Jana,

second one was taht Sina came with me though he had a lot to do in the university,

and the third:

my card did not work at the parking automat, in the middle of the town,

I had no coins,

the service with text message was not working ither,

There came a lady, paid for her parkinga nd went to put the ticket in her car, when she came back she asked me if I still am struggling and I said yes, ...

She gave me 12 SEK which was enough for one hour and I just felt like meeting an angel.

I did not know how to thank,

I wante dto et her number and thank her in a proper way later but ... She really did not expect any thing....

It felt like, heaven!

I got my contract signed with mimer, met Shahab by chance in the city and then did fika with Sahar and Shahan in the Caffe by svartan in storagatan!

went to work and got my contract extended for the next three mounths,

worked till 8, got stock in the burik till a quarter to nine,

met Bjorn, went to ICA did some shoping,

Bjorn drove me to Clover to get my keys to my bicycle and then I just walked back "home",

talked to khale Anahita about the trip to France in October and ...

spent the rest of the time, on phone or in the mailboxes...

Tomorrow I am going to vacation for three days.

Jackie will pick me up from School at nine and we drive all the way down to Smaland.

When I come back, Mana and others have already moved to my new apartment in Folke...

I have to clean clothes for tomorrow because the laundry room of the building has been booked till next tuseday and it is not that warm that in case of washing with hand they get dry by morning...

we will c!

catch you later.

Don't get stressed

Enjoy life,

Love and Peace to you all

Mah Gol

2010-07-22T02:15:00.003+02:00

Now it feels home, more than anytime. Tanja's apartment, I mean.

I have cooked, baked and took a hot bath. It is so funny, I do not dare to fill the bath tub since I think about water shortage in warm lands. don't laugh at me it is true. It is the image I have from my childhood.

Some one once told me that it really does not waste much more water than taking a shower but I certainly do not believe it.

I miss Maryam and Mahya. I want to talk to them. I want to feel my father's persance, concentrating on a book or an article of the news paper in a peaceful evening at home.

Matthias and Jelske are on their trip which at a point will be in Stockholm 28th of july.

I had planned to go to south with Jackie on one hand and on the other hand it would be amazingly wonderful to see these two lovely friends.

We will c.

There are still alot of things not finished. It looks like life is a bunch of done and not done tasks, happy or sad of some of those past ones and excited or stressed about does coming up.

Tomorrow I will be working again, one day off on Friday and a very busy weekend in Lidl.

Love and Peace.

Mahgol

2010-07-14T12:37:00.005+02:00

Finally with help of Na'im, Shahab, Afsheen, Sina, Farahnaz and Mana, I have moved all my stuff to Tanja's house and storage room and am planning to move to the new place, wherever it is in the begining of September.

I miss my Shahab and my family.

Constance is missed so much. I am happy that Clover could make it to France and also paied a visit to her. I could feel her loneliness through the lines she was writing in skype.

A lot of paper works waiting for me today and tomorrow before the work.

Did I not tell you that everything gets better sooner or later?

Love and Peace to you all

Mahgol

P.S. I was nagging about life and Sina said something thought full, any way, there is no reason not to enjoy your day.

2010-07-10T13:28:00.002+02:00

It should be hormones.

I am angry. I get angry with those who I feel they like me though I am married and even more angry to those who behave different since I am married, not that they have become rude but more respect and less emotions makes a huge different, at the same time I feel like jag är slut bara för att jag är gift though I know it is not like that.

and the FACT that

I have chosen to live in world of feelings and emotions pops up and waves every now and then.

Actually I had no choice, the face of reality and rationality is too horrible for me.

Lurar jag mig? Jag bryr mig inte!

I want to study, practice Capoeira and learn German.

...

When I think more I should say that it is not the only thing that I fool my self about according to others.

I believe that we live and have lived more than once.

I believe those who we feel good or bad about is a lot depending on our previous lives.

Ibland tänker jag att Christian hade varit min son eller bror i livet för det här livet eller förför...

jag tycker om honom, saknar honom och tänker på honom ofta, men det är inte på en sexualitet sätt. Jag vill bara se honom och känna att han är där och mår bra. Det kan vara ovanligt och obekant för honom det är därför jag inte berättar det för honom.

At the same time there are many things I am waiting that they get solved and this waiting which is always there...

I will write more, maybe soon with a pleasant piece.

Life becomse beautiful and nice soon.

Peace and happines to you all.

2010-07-05T15:27:00.003+02:00

Soooo

I am back.

Now I am sitting at the table of Tanja's appartment. Yes table and not desk, it is not a language mistake. I ave set my laptop on their dining table. :)

I worked four hours in Lidle today.

Lucky is running around, and is happy ta

ht I came home early today.

There has not been a single night that I came home earlier than 23. It has been so busy. the worst thing is that. I was not settled down. I wanted to be in Sundinska with others and I had to be here with Lucky.

And I did not know that they have wireless internet and t felt even more isolated.

I talked with Mohsen and he said that Ewa is reading my blog from Poland and I was so surprized.

Melika and Bjorn went to Iran today to be more precise I should say that they are taking off in half an hour.

I already have their car to return some stuff to Parisa and Mansoureh and return the skirt Melika has bought for her mom and get more banana cartons from Lidl for moving.

Aha te relationship between picking up the car and returning those stuff was that , they left the stuff in teh car since I had the car to the key but not the appartment.

We just found out that Batu's car does not have the THING to pull the släp for moving the heavi stuff.

I think I gonna be moving to the appartment in Viksäng.

I called the guy and we decided that he stays at home tomorrow and I go to c the place.

I want a light appartment with a big window.

We will c.

I did not call Clover on Friday, I did not know if I could go or not till it got too late.

I feel a little bit lost, taht is because I do a lot of things in Lidl but it is just paied job and it does not add anything to my.

a little bit language and public relationship skills but ...

I am wondering if I should get the full time job at Lidl for four years and stay in Sweden or should I invest more on the second master I want to start and try to get in a Doktorand position.

I am also very worried for my visa application. If I dont get it ontime, I would have no job in August with Lidl. That is the worth which can happen.

...

Sam had an accident in Germany. I should talk to him to get sure he is fine.

I think I have missed some of my friends' birthdays because of the F***** Facebook.

I am not going to go back to Facebook. I AM NOT DOING IT. NO MATTER WHAT!!!!

One of the things taht irritates me a lot is the scene whre you sit in a bus or train or bus stop or train station and what do you see?

All the people around are playing with their mp3 players or mobiles.

It can happen that you sit beside your callsmate or nighbour but you don't notice since you are too busy with your mobile.

We avoid each others eyes. We are afraid to be approached.

I still have to write about the trip to France.

I would love to write about my feelings to different people.

I will write about my co-workers in Lidl.

my story is to be continued...

Love and peace from 33 degree Sweden

2010-06-18T23:26:00.002+02:00

Back in Västerås!

Last Wednesday was a nice day. I stayed at home till 3;50 and packed for a three day trip.

I got the bus to Tanja's appartment. met her daughter and cat and had fika with them and enjoyed their kind company. She is such a nice woman but she is super shy and she does not know how good she is.

I am going to take care of Lucky, their cat during July and August that they are in Belarus visiting their family.

Sudabeh showed up later to pick me up but we had just started fika'ing, so Tanja invited her up. We sat for a while and then picked up Clover from her new office. :)

We helped Sudabeh to buy soil and went to our little piece of land. It has been mostley Clover who has been over there. I had no time, getting married in Iran and being in Romain's sister's weeding in France and getting started to work in Lidl.

It was such a pleasant feeling to see all what we had planted had grown.

Bijan drove me to Växhuset to go to the beloved Capoeira training and meet Angelica and Sandra who were there already before mi to check how our Capoeira group is.

After the training which was mostly music and hand stands, I went to ICA with the little supermen, my favorite trainer and the little Zarina.

Then I went to station and got the train to Stockholm. from there, I got the metro and went to Skanstull station and met Edris and Lia who had come to pick me up at 10:15 in the night which is very sweet of them.

Edris had made dinner and seing him in love was soooooo sweet.

Lia is a fantastic girl. Smart, Beautiful and even more Photogenic. She is ind and you can easily see it in her eyes.

We had a cozy evening before we go to sleep. The whole house was full of candles and the smell of liliums. It reminded me of my mom, aunt and grandmo. fantastic!

next day poor Edris and Lia went to language class and work and I just slept till 9 and then had tme to have breakfast and watch a documetary about some african animals from SVT with the fasat internet they had and contact bostad västerås about my accomodtion for the next semester that you already know is the aktuell problem.

Then I took a shower and got ready before Edris comes to pick me up.

We went to some cheap shops in the neighbourhood and I found some good stuff for my husband :) but decided not to buy to wait for him to come here and buy them by himself.

Then my love called and we talked while waiting for Lia to come and we went to have lunch with one of their funny friends Shahram.

Afterwards we went to Myrrorna and bought a candle holder and a vase for Lia. I loved them and am very happy that could fight myself and give it away.

then we watched a small football match and then had a cozy afternoon in W.C. :)

W.C. is the name of a pub-bar near their place. :) in södermalm.

then we went home and I packed and they came with me to the metro station and then I went to Firouzeh near Täby near Stockholm.

It was so sweet to c Irfan and Firouzeh.

We had a very nice dinner and I showed them our pictures and we talked a little bit and then it was already time to sleep.

In the morning, we went to the hospital for Firouzeh's last chemiteraphy session after a very nice breakfast.

Before going to Karolinska hospital, we picked up one of the most amazing women I have ever met, Hayedeh! She is absolutely lovely, funny and lifeful.

(Now from my window I can see fireworks which must be held in the big square of Västerås, it should be because of Swedish princcesses wedding which is tomorrow)

We went around in Red Cross that Firouzeh goes and helps every now and then and I bought a small candle holder for our home. It feels good to buy small beautiful special things when I think about "us".

I got a lot of useful stuff from Hayedeh. She said she does not need them any more and almost all of them were completely new.

Then Firoueh drove me to MÅrby centrum and from thee I came directly to T-Centrallen in Stockholm and came to Väasterås.

In Västerås I got the bus to home and then went to ICA Haga to get my bank card and finally my internet banking is working.

Shahab Darvish and me became members of Natilus again for one year with a special offer.

Tomorrow I have to work and the room is still kind of a Chaos though I have cleaned and done the plants and re organized them.

I have been listening to the Swedish Radion the whole afternoon.

WOW, I have a view of moon from my window and it goes so fast.... I closed one of my eyes and I saw it dissappeared behind a tree... It is so amazing with Swedish nature. Today the weather temperature dropped like 8 degrees from 20 to 12 in less than one hour.

OK it was such a chaotic post. Now I will make it even more Chaotic by just putting a point and that is it

2010-06-15T12:30:00.004+02:00

Salam

This has been long since I had time to sit at my desk and think and write!

The summer job in Lidl is going "well". It is very hard with the language. I am so afraid of making mistakes. It is not something typical me but it is mostly because my colleagues are mostly young people and they talk so fast and they need me to understand what they say and I just can not and then I feel so bad. It gets a lot of energy from me. They are nice and helpful but I still make mistakes and my mistakes leads to long queues of customers standing there looking at their watches.

About the special offers we have, I can not keep them in my mind and when they ask I have to ring and a coworker should run to the cashier and answer me and I can imagine it should be hard for them.

Angelica is getting radio therapy and her hair is growing again. We had a cozy night with her and her sweet friend, Sandra. Angelica complained about her sickness and she said that if there is a God he should be so cruel. I could not say anything to calm her down but that maybe if she looks deep inside, being angry and complaining about everything just does not help and does not make her feeling better but believing in life after and God who can and know everything feels just better. Her friend Sandra is a very interesting, kind, deep person. I think I will continue meeting her and watching movies with her.

The bicycle I had borrowed from Ebi stopped working when I and Jane (two not slim girls) sat on it! :) I pumped the back wheel and got myself to Angelica's friend but on the way back home at 12 o clock, under heavy rain, the tire just came out from the tube, or wait, wise versa. :) Any way I just parked it in Skalbergs gatan and walked back home. I had to call Shahab Darvish to tell him where I was, because it was dark and cold and I was not taking the normal every night way since I was going home from Sandra's place. But finally every thing went well.

On Friday, Saturday and Sunday we had a mini Capoeira event finished by a Batizado. I got the chance to have lunch with Zarina and Eurico on Friday before going to work and had to miss the training on Friday but on Saturday and Sunday I was there full-time.

Zarina made our Brazilian guests lunch and I made them dinner on Saturday. I made gheime bademjoon ba morgh, which is an Iranian food. I managed to make food for 5 men in one hour and a quarter and it became very good.

And the breaking news in that I got the yellow-green corda. I could not believe it. It was such a big surprise. It is true that I have been prioritizing Capoeira to many of my other businesses but I had not improved so much if you compare me with others but in comparison with myself I had improved a lot. I hugged and thanked Obelix since it felt so good and it was a big confirmation on what I had been thinking about Capoeira and a big motivation to move forward the yellow one which might take years to get but there will be a day that I write about it with a picture of the masters and professors who do the test on me. I promise. :) Christian and Zarah had to work all the weekend so they could not come to the event though they loved to be there. I know. And I personally missed Christian a lot because Zarah could come at least for a short time but Christian was there just on Friday. Any way it is over and there will be the big event next April. Looking forward towards that one. Clover was also busy with her personal life and did not show up during the whole three days but I got to talk to her for quite a long time after I finished working yesterday on the way back home. It was a little time of synchronizing the information :). She is happy with Matz and I am happy for her.

I have missed Bjorn and Melika and unfortunately I missed their company since they were here for watching World cup matches with the guys but I was at the Capoeira event. I called her to meet her in town yesterday but she was sleeping and missed my call and they when we called her again it was too late to get in town and join us for Fika but I talked to her for quite a while today morning. She is planning the trip to Iran with Bjorn. Lovely... I have been lucky with my friends so far in life. :)

Ebi and Farideh... I don't know what is going on, she is or maybe they are angry at me but I don't know if it is because I got married and did not tell them or because I did not bring the lamps from Iran... any way I tried to go there and called them several times but they were not welcoming. Today I received an email from Ebi that he wants to talk to me that I answered sure I will be happy to talk. We will see. Any way this is not the first time they are angry at me without telling me why.

Jane was here just for a couple of hours but I am going to meet her again in Stockholm when I go to visit Edris and Lia and Firouzeh.

Constance is being missed so often. I wrote to here yesterday.

Lorena is coming to Västerås. Such a big surprise. Looking forward.

I still have not had the chance to talk to Sam since I have come back from Iran. Hopefully soon.

Where should I live from September on? I have got some offers from bostad Västerås but I am wondering about somewhere in a family. Maybe Irsta? Depends on the bus timing.

These were what I had in my mind ready to be written but I still have to write about France trip and Romain

And on top of all Our Life (me and Shahab) that I am not really sure if I want to write about it on my blog.

We will see

Love and peace to you all

Mahgol

2010-06-10T03:19:00.003+02:00

Now it is time to sleep otherwise I would write something in my blog.

I can just say that today was the first day of the work in Lidl as a real personal and not a trainee and I was such a pain in teh ass for those who worked with me. lots of mistakes and long ques....

It will get better.

I had the average of 12 articles scanned in a minute, today it was 13.5! :)

It is still considered as improvement, eller hur?

I have a lot to write about the trip to France and Belguim but I need to make up my mind before writing.

Soon it will come.

I am in such a peace...

It feels good to be married but I am sure it would have felt much better if my HUSBAND was here or I was there, I mean we were close.

Hey WorldI love my man!

I feel lucky...

2010-06-01T01:03:00.002+02:00

Hello World!

I am back in Sweden but half of me is left in Tehran.

We got married on Friday May 28th of 2010 and I flew back the next morning...

I feel so good.

It feels just right.

We were happy, our parents were happy and all the family were happy too.

Every body was smiling and it felt like it was the right time.

Shahab's father was smiling kindly with his caring eyes.

Now I am a merried woman.

2010-05-04T00:55:00.002+02:00

I wish I could say he has always been there without any exception.

What am I supposed to do in the life that according to "standards" I have already lived one third of it?

Do I regret it more if I don't get any children or if I don't do things I wanted to do?

Am I good enough to be a mom?

Do we have the right to bring some one in this world?

Is it me and you who decie and has the responsibility?

Where is God? What is he/she/it doing?

Forget about God, help me find my values.

Who am I?

I wish I was 20, though I know it wouldn't help.

I, I, I and more I.

2010-04-15T21:13:00.002+02:00

I want to know more.

These last days or even weeks have been kind of productive. lagom amount of stress makes me be more concentrated.

Havnig a couple of balls in the air is fun but some times I just feel like locking my arms in each other on my chest and watch the glass balls fall and break.

Lidl, Clean Expert. Hiking Club, Studifrämjandet, Skandinavistik 3, Examens Arbete, Migrations Verket, Bostad Västerås, Tele 2, Telenor, Kåren, International Committee, Friends, Family, Trip to Iran, Trip to France, Birthdays not to forget, Capoeira, Tango and Käralek!

2010-04-10T19:33:00.005+02:00

Nu är det lördag igen.

Vi gick till Lövudden och firade Constances födelsedag.

Det var KALLLLLTTTT!
Det blåste också!

Nu har jag KAOS i huvudet och i rummet. De passar varandra oftast.

Jag är förkyld och fick hoppa skriftlig tentamen igår på morgonen.

Nu är det lugnt men jag har mycket att ordna.

mejlet till Eric och ett till Christina är skickat. Examens arbete är fortfarande kvar. blanketter till studiefrämjandet är kvar. Nomin och Sams certifikat ansökan är kvar. "Fröken Juli" är kvar!

Tomas Tranströmer kallar mig och vill att jag läsa hans böcker och skriva om honom minst två sidor för att visa till Magnus eller Anna Carin nästa torsdag.

Jag ska träffas Leif Andersson och prata om Clean Export på samma dagen som jag ska inlämna Tomas Tranströmer. (Ha ha det låter roligt)

I morse tänkte jag skriva om faktumet att:

en riktigt vän är nån som man behöver inte oroa sig om man blir tvungen att sitta på tåget, bussen eller flygplats terminalen för flera timmar. För att man kan vara säkert att det finns alltid nått att prata om eller sam-tänka på!

Jag är glad att jag har riktiga vänner.

Tack och tusen tack.

2010-03-31T18:00:00.003+02:00

I just found out that I wanted to write about some of my senses taht becoime so strong some times. specially when I breath deeply from my stomach for a while.

One night I was walking home. I was taking teh same almost every day way but nothing was as always.

I could hear small pieces of snow, sliding down from roofs or tree branches on the melting ice, I could smell the perfume of the man who parked tha car and went in maybe 5 minutes before when I had just turned to the street and could see him from far distance. I could smell the food being cooked in teh kitchen of the hous on the left side of the street.

Then I got to see in the eyes of two people in their houses. I really did not mean it. I was just looking around, they had big windows and the rooms were kind of dark and the street was light of the lamps and we looked at each other at the same exact moment and I said to my self: "How frightened can they get if they see taht some stranger just looked in my eyes while I was sitting in my sofa in my home!", "Fan, It is frightening!", And then I could feel the gentle cold wind blowing across the empty parking in front of the hospital. It was touching my chicks and it smelled like snow. (I think snow smells!)

Any way, it also happens sometime in Kåren when I am working. People come in and I just know that they smell different. Once I asked a class mate if he had changed hi perfume and he got so shocked and said: "No, but my deodorant is new!" and he kind of freaked out, why should I know his smell. I don't know. It is just like when some people easily notice it if some one has got a haircut and some simply don't get it. I don't think does who get it try to do any thing. It is just the way it is. Maybe they keep a file for each person and update it any time they meet and when they meet again their brains just starts comparinga nd analysing them. My brain does it so much with the smell of olika människor.

It also keeps a copy of their moods. If I see some one in a bad mood and the next time he/she shows up with a good mood, I just get it as a feeling of relief and tvärtom.

Tiredness, frustration and stress just pop up. and I can not ignore them.

Now it is time for Capoeira. Zarah is not feeling well and she does not think any body can help her.

I hope I could do more. I really like her. She has good friends. I hope she feels close enough to them to get some help. I know that Christian can be a good help in these kind of situations but I know on the other hand that he has so much to do for th school. Why should always everything happen at the same time?

Clover is moving soon, Maryam is coming here for a visit and I have got two weeks left to fix the thesis and send it back to Erik.

Summer Job is still the huvudrubriken!

Life is not so long! Lets Enjoy it.

Love and peace to you all...

Mah Gol

2010-03-29T05:41:00.002+02:00

Coffee

+ Stress

+ Capoeira Training

Being Awake the whole sunday night and starting the week sleepy!

Good Luck Mahgol

2010-03-23T12:21:00.002+01:00

It has been such a long time I did not write in the blog.

It has been because of the fact my internet was not working.

Today it has been a day of doing things that was supposed to be done long ago but it is still good.

Last week was such a week. full of different activities. and a 48 hours of being awake and work!

It is amazing how much our bodies can take.

I like pushing the borders and it always suprises me.

Everybody is so busy with L I F E!

Shahab has Norouz holidays and he has got some time to sleep, play guitar and study for IELTS and I am so happy about it.

Clover is stressed because of moving and all the exams we have ahead. I understand her.

Anna is thinking about joining us to Iran.

Romain is learning Persian from Melika on Fridays in teh library.

Melika is worried about future. Summer job? Visa? Money?

Christian is studying hard. It is so nice to see him taking everything so serious. :) I hardly get to see him. Yesterday he and Kally came to kåren for a coffee when I was working and I went out the bar to hug him for a short second. It is always so calming with him.

Hubert was off for a week and now he is back after two days of hard work in F... Ica.

Trainings in Capoeira are goooooood. Yesterday we were almost the whole time on our hands trying to do makaka. :)

In the weekend I had Jackie and Teddy here and it was so nice with both of them. I love dogs. they are just amazing. I huged Teddy for almost one hour and slept after 48 hours of not sleeping and working and hiking and ... and it felt so amazingly good. Then came Jackie to pick him up so we had to get up. :)

I have bought a new pair of Jeans and I love them. They are so much like what I used to have when I was younger. :) I love the colour and the form.

Afshin is worried about future. PHD, IRAN, Amin, ...

Constance has got the problem with sleeping back! I hope it does not get worth with the long days that are on the way.

Nomin and Sam finished their thesis finally and got their results so I have to ask for their documents by post. This is what I have to do soon.

I got the upportunity of working with Soheila in Växjö for three mounths but I have to start next week and it just is not gonna work with all the exams and seminars that I have ahead.

I had some useful meetings with Christina Kääria, Eric Söderberg, Erik Lindhult and VSIF.

I got to work with Margarytta on my thesis to finish it easier and sooner and we are both happy about it. I am going to meet her tomorrow after Capoeira while she is packing for her jobbtrip. :)

I think I have covered almost all...

I will be back with more good news

Love you all

Mahgol

2010-03-05T20:05:00.005+01:00

Nu har jag biljetten till Iran i fickan och förvarnade!!! familjen om det också! :)
Det känns underbart. Så länge ska Clover, Romain och Jackie följa med. Men Kanske Constance, Rodde och Amanda hoppa in också. Vi får se.
Jag bad min morbror som bor i USA om vi kunde stanna hos honom in Tehran i hans lägenhet som är ledig men idag nekade han. Men det gör inget.

Imorse var shahab lite arg på mig och jag tycker inte om honom när han är arg. :)

Jag tror att jag vet varför är han arg, jag var upptagen igår och fick inte svara mobilen när han ringde mig två gånger, men det är lugnt, det gör inget. Såna grejer kommer å hända. Man får inte bli arg så lätt.

Idag har jag jobbat mellan 8 och 13, men i natt hade jag svårt å sova! Jag sov bara mellan 12:30 och 3:30 och sen var jag vaken tills jag gick till jobbet.

I morse fick alla lyssna på Capoeira musik på Kåren! :)))) Jag skrevt till Jens, Christian och Clover om det för att det var så spontant och roligt. Ingen vågade å klaga om det! :) Bara Nikka kom till sist och bytte musiken med "I'm a Barbie Girl!" Ha ha ha...

Förkylningen är tillbaka! Hela kropen gör ont. Idag har jag gjort ganske mycket men det känns som nåt viktigt saknas! Jag tappade lapparna som jag hade skrivit typ "to do" listan på och det kändes tomt i huvve!

Nu känner jag mig kallt och halsen ömmar. Näsan rinnar och ögonen ser inte klart.

Nu ska jag gå hem, göra ett glas varm mjölk med honung till mig själv och njuta av varma rummet!

Bilden är tagits av Tomas nånstans nära fläckebo!

2010-03-02T13:07:00.002+01:00

Snow Snow and again Snow!
Now I feel like writing but the svenskfilm session starts soon and I am in the other building so I have to run to get to the room where dear Tanja shows the movie to us in Swedish. Arn is the name of the movie I think.

I want to write about my feeling which are so strong these days, my senses taht are working extra sensetive and about how I think and see future but the internet thingy still has problem.

I will try to do it soon.

2010-02-18T13:07:00.004+01:00

It has been such a long time I have not posted anything here.

The main reason is that I did not have internet at home and the second was that I had to conclude somethings and it never happens without sacrificing some thing and today I did sacrifice swimming with friends and sat in front of my computer and borrowed Shahab's internet.

There are a lot of things prompting in my mind and at the same time I tell to myself:

Cool down, no worries, there is no need to stress.

I talked with my dad, my dad is my hero Clover wrote about him in her blog. . . Well, I was trying to link it to her post but did not work ... anyway there is no need for evidance and the whole point is that you get the feeling how important can your father's opinion be, no matter how much you insist of proving the opposite.

I think it was when I got 14 or something like that when I first stood in front of my father and told him I think he is wrong and from that point I just started to do what I thought was right and kept on doing things in my own way but always I have been feeling that I am not getting approval from him and now after almost 14 years from then, my father just talked to me for 3 or 4 minutes because I called him because I had missed him and it just made a chaos in me.

He said he thinks I don't know what am I looking for and I have lost the target. I am just wandering around and moving aimlessly.

I shared it with Shahab and he said that he agrees with my father.

It burns under my skin even when I write it down...

I thought about it so much. I talked with some friends.

I got head aches of thinking "HARD" :) and the result is:

"I am egoistic!"

I know what I am doing but it does not make sense in their eyes and I don't bother myself explaining about it since I believe they don't agree and at the end of the day, I don't care.

Yes that is true. I don't care. I am not happy saying this but it looks like that.

I am living a good life. Right now and just here.

2010-01-25T22:54:00.001+01:00

Some exercise for your brain:

This is a famous problem, attributed to Albert Einstein.
There are 5 houses sitting next to each other, each with a different 
color, occupied by 5 guys, each from a different country, 
and with a favorite drink, cigarette, and pet.  Here are the facts:

The British occupies the red house.
The Swedish owns a dog.
The Danish drinks tea.
The green house is on the left of the white house.
The owner of the green house drinks coffee. 
The person who smokes "Pall Mall" owns a bird.
The owner of the yellow house smokes "Dunhill".
The owner of the middle house drinks milk.
The Norwegian occupies the 1st house.
The person who smokes "Blend" lives next door to the person who owns 
a cat.
The person who owns a horse live next door to the person who 
smokes "Dunhill".
The person who smokes "Blue Master" drinks beer.
The German smokes "Prince".
The Norwegian lives next door to the blue house.
The person who smokes "Blend" lives next door to the person who drinks 
water.

The question is: Who owns the fish?

Good luck!

2010-01-24T01:58:00.003+01:00

Missing some body is both painfull and beautiful. Which side is heavier, I don't know. What I think is that they always company each other. Pain and Beauty I mean.
And
When I miss him, I miss myself in his presance.
. . .

2010-01-24T00:22:00.003+01:00

Today in the morning I had a very nice breakfast with Afshin. Scramble egg with toast bread.

We went to Arosfortet with the new students. It was fun like always. Though I felt a little bit stupid! I could not remember the rooms I had solved before. :)

Then I went to the city with Constance and Sergey from Greec and bought two swimming suits from Stadium, then I fixed my Tele2 contract and we went to Elektra. There we met all the expected and some unexpected friends. Nice to see all of them.

There were 22 people in the cinema and 18 o them were our gang! :)

Then we walked to Calle Pa Spangen and had a nice time fika ing!

I walked home, watched "Great Expectation" the new version with Shahab and Alireza in Shahab's room. Then I fixed my plan for tomorrow to go to the Linea sim skola, Capoeira, Melika and Bjorn, Ice Skating, Bowling and Tango.

Clover was so tired today as the last three days I had met her.

The French girl who lives in Surahammar is very nice and warm, I enjoyed every body's company today. Andreas is very nice.

Jackie was not shy any more, talking to others. Batu and Anna look a little bit closer than before. Maybe something is happening... Who knows?

Hubert asked me about the reason we called the International Presance Exhibition "his", after almost 2 mounth from the time we had the opening! And then he mentione dtaht Nikki had said this project had been the most chaotic one he had participated in,

I think he has been evaluating his activities during last weeks and he has not been happy about it.

I could do nothing making him feel better since I think it was something inside and any insissting from my side could give a negative effect since Hubert is so sensative and smart.

I called Behrang, Elham and Edris. Some calls I had to make and was postponding for a long time.

I did write some paragraphs in my thesis last night. Mostafa is coming tomorrow and Farahnaz's room will no longer be the calm productive place.

Shaghayegh sent me some pictures of the family gathering in her place, I have missed them all.

Life is going on and it feels good to be!

2010-01-19T11:15:00.003+01:00

Now I feel like sharing a part of my thoughts we discussed with Clovie yesterday.

These days I am struggling with the idea that it is impossible that we live just once.

Life is far more beautiful, deep and valuable that can be over just by a bullet in the head shot from a gun in the hands of a fool.

Or to be over just by some stupid viruses or a mobile without battery or credit on it...

I think I have lived more than once before this life and I don't belive this is my last life,

At least as I told Clover this is what makes me feel more relax and calm.

There is no way we can do everything, not only everything but niether can we do most of the things we would like to do.

Yesterday I went to school by bus companying the Norwegian lady who slept in my room the night before because she had not got her room from bostad vasteras. I spent almost 4 hours on net, chatting with Shahab and trying to fix some work we had to do together.

Then I went to city with the lady to show her where she could pay her rent and how to find bostad vasteras and ...

It was so funny, I dared to speak Swedish when I was with her.

Then we went to my place by bus again, picked her stuff from my room, called a cab and she went to her own apartment in Vitmaragatan.

after this I walked to school, joined the University tour with Digo and I think I kind of pissed him of because I talked so much and did not let him talk! I am sorry about it. During the tour we went to the silent room and met Catherin, the schools prist, and I heard she said, come and try the silence meditation on Tuesdays noon if you are brave enough and this is my weak point. So I think I am going to do it. She says if we calm down our body then there will be a storm in the brain. I want to experience it.

Then we had the meeting for the Mingle Evening and then we went to Capoeira.

Hard training with Daniel!

Then I waited antill I got the Capoeira show in the school fixed and then walked with Christian to his parents home.

Then I met Clover on her way back from Hulphers helping Cihan with his thesis. we walked downtown talking, she missed her bus and we went to Calle Pa Spangen. got tea and talked.

On the way back to the bus stop we met Tobias!

I told Clover that either we have strange friends wandering in the snowy, empty, cold streets of Vasteras, alone, in the middle of the week or Vasteras is the small home.

Any way, I can follow my heart after Capoeira. It is easy to do so.

I felt like staying outside the training room though I was the first one who got ready wit th clouthes.

I felt like walking with Christian and I felt like taking teh way towards Hulphers and I felt like going again to Downtown with her and ...

Then I found out about something:

People I walk on their right side, are people I tend to support and take care of and those who I walk on their left are those who I think can support me and I feel like I will be safe opening my guards. Cool, ha? :)

Today I am going to be with Fimmi Anna for around 4 hours when Deria is sick and Hubert needs to be in school.

So no IKEA with students and no fika with Nikka! :)

I got a big Birthday presant from my mom today in my account! :)

and well, I have to fix the meeting for the hiking club, the project with Shahab should be finished as soon as possible, Thesis ofcourse, Mingel night and ...

I'd better get to work NOW!

2010-01-15T12:11:00.002+01:00

Today I have a post of three parts:

baking, Mathematics, another good day

so which one should I start with?

I start with another good day:

Yesterday was another good day, it was kind of warm here (just -4 to -7) :)

I met some friends in Karen, first time in Karen in 2010 and then I had lunch with Christian in an Italian restaurang where I found an aluminium tread in my food :) and then we worked on Chrsitians booklet untill we felt like they are going to kick us out and then we went back to karen and tried to finish teh booklet before my meeting but as we did not succeed, we went to the IC meeting together and it was a good time to push him a littl ebit to become a fadder and he looked interested, so I met my lovely friends on the meeting, some I had really missed and we planned the introduction week, then I went to cinema with Constane and Jackie and we watched Sherlok Holmes, don't watch it if you have other options :) It was not as bad as Old Dog something that I watched with Elham and Afshin but still why not Hunger instead of these?

Then we went to Strike Bowling place with Constance nd met Christian, Henrik and Kalle there, we continued to Circus and there met some friends too, Yes we live in a village! :)

Then I walked back home while they were still staying.

I ate ice from trees and enjoyed it as always :)

bad for those who don't dare to do it in this slean weather in Sweden. They have to see gray and brown snow to feel how yummy these snows are:)

Now we move to the Math thing:

give a exercise to your brain:

if 2+3=10

7+2=63

6+5=66

8+4=96 then

9+7=?

And the baking thing:

Mix 1/2 tea spoon cinemon with 1 and 1/2 tea spoon Baking Powder, 1/4 tea spoon salt and 300 gr flour

cream 120 gr butter with 250 gr sugar

beat two big or three small eggs well and then add 3 tea spoon vanilla

add 150 cc Creamfresh or 100 cc yoghour to the eggs.

add the butter and suger mixture to the egg mixture

now put the mixer in low speed and add flour mixture, 80 cc milk and butter mixture in three phases.

put it in the prewarmed oven 175 degrees for 50 to 60 minutes.

try to put it in the middle of the oven. :)

You can put a little bit oil or butter in the dish before pouring the mixture in it or you can easily use oily papers underneeth.

So.... taht was it fortoday

enjoy your day wherever you are and whatever you do :)

2010-01-11T14:26:00.002+01:00

This is just so good in Persian we will see maybe I translated it or maybe if some one is so interested, google translate, though I accept no responsibilities about the outcome:

وقت شناسی‌ !

در مراسم تودیع پدر پابلو، کشیشی که ۳۰ سال در کلیسای شهر کوچکی خدمت کرده و بازنشسته شده بود، از یکی‌ از سیاستمداران اهل محل برای سخنرانی دعوت شده بود.

در روز موعود، مهمان سیاستمدار تاخیر داشت و بنابرین کشیش تصمیم گرفت کمی‌ برای مستمعین صحبت کند.

پشت میکروفن قرار گرفته و گفت: ۳۰ سال قبل وارد این شهر شدم.

انگار همین دیروز بود.

راستش را بخواهید، اولین کسی‌ که برای اعتراف وارد کلیسا شد، مرا به وحشت انداخت

به دزدی هایش، باج گیری، رشوه خواری، هوس رانی‌، زنا با محارم و هر گناه دیگری که تصور کنید اعتراف کرد.

آن روز فکر کردم که جناب اسقف اعظم مرا به بدترین نقطه زمین فرستاده است ولی‌ با گذشت زمان و آشنایی با بقیه اهل محل دریافتم که در اشتباه بوده‌ام و این شهر مردمی نیک دارد.

در این لحظه سیاستمدار وارد کلیسا شده و از او خواستند که پشت میکروفن قرار گیرد.
در ابتدا از اینکه تاخیر داشت عذر خواهی‌ کرد و سپس گفت که به یاد دارد که زمانیکه پدر پابلو وارد شهر شد، من اولین کسی‌ بود که برای اعتراف مراجعه کردم

نتیجه اخلاقی‌: وقت شناس باشی

2010-01-11T07:06:00.003+01:00

Some people are just so important in our lives and we love them but as they are close and reachable we don't see and feel their value untill they get a little bit hard to get a hold of.

Melika and Bjorn moved to another place today.

I cried but I did not let her see it.

She had always been there for me,

with all the messes she was in, she was there with a smile and her smart comments and norm breaking ideas.

And then came Bjorn, with his good heart and kind, gentle attitude.

They cleaned the room and we took a picture in Melika's box under her bed!

I thank you for all your smiles, hugs and good words.

I thank you for your friendship.

And I wish you both the best luck ever!

2010-01-05T19:19:00.002+01:00

He left at the begining of october and it took 100 days to rach to this explotion time...

Maybe he is right, who knows?

I was fascinated by some one and I asked a friend's opinion about him/her. This friend of mine is doing nothing but analysing and he just said: "He/She is so selfish and selfcentered."

Maybe that is why I felt so close to him/her.

Bjorn took these pictures from me yesterday. I wanted to have a picture with some friends who are in teh same buidling but all of them were sleeping at 10 in the evening de to some sleeping di orders we all suffer from these days.I like these photos. :)

Thank you min vän...

2010-01-05T00:41:00.004+01:00

So today was another BirthDay!

Now it is over and I feel like writing down who called or sent me a message here in my blog.

Farideh, Ebi, Mitra, Maryam, Shahab, Anahita, Ellie, Dag, Rebecca, Shahryar, Giti, Mahya, Ariana, Taraneh, Elham, Yasaman, Shadi, Mohammad, Sally and Lorena called me,

Shaghayegh sent me an ecard,

Armin and Ahmad send me a message on mobile,

Hamed sent me a message on Facebook before I close it permenantly,

Andrea, Bernd, Nina, Mareike and Connie send me a message on StudiVZ,

Clover, Nasrin, Sam, Petr, Josef and Zita sent me an email.

Then Mehrnoosh cought me online and said happy birthday :)

Mariam and Mahya had left me messages online too.

Bjorn and Melika brought me to fika in Punkt and we had a great dinner togther.

Afshin and Baharak bought me a presant yesterday in clous ohlson and gave me a card which it is written: "Har forsokt att ringa..." on it. :)

I received a sweet email from a friend and felt like I want to share it with ones who I thought about on my birthday and I just sent it to them, it turned out to be a list of 125 people. :)

I think Birthday is a day like other days just that we have an excuse to do things that we don't do normally. Like giving presants to ones who we like or writing cards or saying words that we don't see any point to say in other days.

I would love to share two very sweet texts I received from Clover and Zita, I thought alot if I should post it here or not, but I decided taht these are mine now and I can do whatever I want with them.

It is not me and I don't mean saying I am like this, I just want to show how we can be sweet and say good things always but we are so in special occasions like ones Birthday.

and what I want to add is:

1- I am thankful for my life, family and friends.

2- I will come back with a more serious post about birthday later.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Happy Birthday my dearest friend!

Take good care of yourself and be true to your heart in 2010, you are a beautiful person and you make so many of us feel happy and at home.

Skött om dig, och tänk på vad du vill i livet.

Kram kram kram

Clovie

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hi my dear!

Happy Birthday for you!

In my imagination I just go and say it personally.

I miss your closeness.

Hope this birthday will bring you all you want, clear decisions about what to do with who, where to go with who. You are so kind, I think that characteristic of you is not appreciated on its place. Because if we would have more people like you, the world would be a totally different, better place.

I am so glad to know you, and grateful for life that you call me friend.

Love you:

Zita

PS.: The drawing atteched comes with big heart, lots of emotions, small drawing knowledge : )

2010-01-03T21:31:00.002+01:00

Why do we not believe the connection between souls?

HE gets sad I feel it but I ignor it or ask... no need for this nor for that.

2010-01-03T02:27:00.003+01:00

Now I see taht I was not aware that it was my last post in 2009, but now jag vet att det är första i 2010.

kanske det är bättre om jag skriver på svenska för att nu känner jag till några svenska ord!

fortfarande känner jag mig illa och kunde jag inte konsentrera mig på studera men tänkte jag så mycket om livet och kärlek, om skolan och jobbet, om pengar och bostad, om kropet och själen.

Shahab said that I should become clear with my self instead of being worried about his telephone bill and this it so true. He is right! I am not clear with myself.

I know that once I was clear with myself but I am not sure if it can happen again.

I feel stressed and it makes it worse.

Vahid wrote me some comments. It was sweet. He reads my blog, I did not know.

And Baharak. She is leaving Sweden tomorrow. She is one of those "khosh'hal" poeple. There are so many people who critisize ones like Baharak but I am not sure if we should not be so.

I took some pictures from her just by her own camera and I am happy with some of them.

I think I will uppload some here.

Today Sepideh had made "NAZRI" and we ate it "DORE HAM".

And I deactivated my Facebook. :)
I feel even better taht the time I stopped using it.

2009-12-30T18:47:00.003+01:00

Today I was so down,

I was full of missings. There are some certain people, places, feelings, smells, tastes, sounds I am missing.

I watched at Capoeira movies on youtube for about three hours. I talked with Shahab online, Edris Called me, Tahereh Called me, Firouzeh Called me, Rebecca sent me a message Elham called me and I sent a message to Christian. I had lunch with Melika and asked Arash if he is always high!

I went to the library and gave a book Melika wanted to return and picked a book I had asked them to buy and reserved it!

Nobody, Nowhere from Donna Williams.

On teh way back from teh library, I went to the apotek and bought some Vitamin C and Magnesium pills.

Yesterday it was -19 degrees in Västerås but sun was shining and we did not want to miss it, on the other hand I had two guests from France via Couch Surfing and I wanted to be with them and show them around so after they had breakfast with Anoine's home made jam, we started walking to Björnö. it was soooooooo cold. we went by the harbour and took som pictures. It payed all the tiredness off when they were so excited standing, walking, running and then jumping on the frozen lake for the first time. They were playing frizby (?) on teh lake and in the snow...

It was fun to watch.

they digged the snow on teh frozen lake to see the ice and become sure they are standing on ICE.

We had lunch with Farahnaz and Mostafa and in teh evening Ebi and Farideh came with some food from Saleh's restaurang.

I am not sure if I should go to Johan and Silvia for the new years eve. (tomorrow night to be precise) or should I go to Ritta and Anton or should I simply stay at home.

I need some calm moments being with Mahgol.

People have started fireworks already from tonight, I can hear then and see them from my big window.

There is apicture of the french kid, excited on Mälaren!

p.s. I am so excited about the book. I want to make a tea, sit in my bed and read the book.

2009-12-24T00:27:00.003+01:00

I am a person who needs to make extreme decisions in order to be able to keep them...

I am thinking of some good steps in my life that should be taken or should have been taken long a go...

I will start with them during the holidays and will continue for the new year.

It is good excuse ro revise.

Alcohol and red meet are among tose to avoid even more than before.

There might be some more to be shared here and some to be kept for myself.

I defenately miss some parts f the old Mahgol. I will build a better one.

Today was a long day and I am so tired but I am happy.

I will have some days just sitting and reading and writing, playing Berimbau and dealing ith my sick toe.

I am writing in the notebook I recieved from Clover as a presant. I enjoy it a lot! I am oldfashioned , I know it and I like it.

I hope Coop xra is open tomorrow. I have to go and buy bread for Melika and Bjorn, We ate their bread without teling them this morning and forgot to buy them new ones. They will have no breakfast, it would be very embaressing.

Please be open dear Coop Extra.

Good night from Me and Mushi! the Cat who is sleeping easy minded on my bed deside the armed Berimbau.

2009-12-22T11:33:00.002+01:00

Today I had a look on Christian's Favorite musics he introduced in his profile.

Some of them are really good.

I don't know, me and music, sounds like a very bad and strange combination. I think to my self, there has been told much of those I struggle to say and it can really help to liten to music as it can help to read books or talk to people or watch movies and I always missed it.

The fact is that I get too involved in anything so they put great influences on me.

I was thinking and wrote about Lode yesterday and he called me with his Dutch number and I got so surprised but as always I missed the call I was not expecting but could make me so happy.

I am thinking abd believing other lives we had before coming to this world more and more as time passes. I want to get them serious. There are just a few people who I feel strongly connected to and I find no reason for it and maybe I am fooling myself but the only thing can be possible bonding we had in other lives....

I am going to take it a little bit more serious but keep the balance not to fall from the other side as Shahab tells me always and ofcourse my mom used to say too.

Burak and Constance are leaving, Edris is coming to visit and Elham is already here. I sent the task we had to send to Håkan 5 days ago.

I am sich and I prefere to stay at home but I have to return some books to library and they are already one day late... and I have to see Constane and Burak and hug them for the last time in 2009.

We got the answer from Migrationsverket. Our case got rejected. We should try another way.

I thought of borrowing a Berimbau from the group and Daniel said it is not a problem, the only thing is taht I have to try to get him to the city so that he can open the door and I can get one, or I can ask Christian to do it, he lives closer to the training place.

Any way, things to do, still Magnus and Anna Carin and Anna ANARCHY have not recieved my uppsats and it is not bra!

snow sitting at my wwindow and no clover in the other side of the city, with a distance of 20 SEK.

2009-12-20T19:13:00.003+01:00

The first part is just going to be written because I donät want some thing else sitting on my chest or shouldder or any other place as a "to be finished soon" thing.

About the story from Swedish literature:

Some people wit religious background said:

"One can think so that the father and daughter both had a very good ending just like jesus! Now they can live together for ever happily..."

Some more rational ones like Burak said:

"I think the metaphoric resimbplance here is that, thei daughter took those steps down to death as she decided to stay each and everytime his father petended to be sick and needing her though maybe at the back of her heart she knew they were not real untill at the end they got trapped with the real sicknesses and problem taht was out of their hands finally."

It looked like a big group of students agreed with Burak after thinking an getting completely what he ment and it included me and Clover as well.

I thought about it so much and I can see simmilar situations in my pwn life and in Shahab's life.

It looks like some times we make some decisions with not being clear with ourselves at the moment though later we can find good excuses for them or even at the moment trying to convience ourselves with reason taht might be good enough fo rthe whole world but deep inside we don't believe in them and then I can say taht it always gets you some where in a similar situation where you really can find no way escaping...

I enjoyed this variety of interpretations. there were some other suggestions that apparently were result of that the suggestion giver was eighther not have been thinking about the subject or not read the story completely that does not worth mentioning. (Now here, Clover is laughing and Burak might be saying, you know Mahgol? I like you when you are really straight forward) :)

And now the second part which is the reason I logged in...

I want to write about inside:

I feel like a woman!

Yesterday I wanted to be mom...

Hormons? Maybe!

Age? Maybe!

Weather? No! not this one!

I feel far from Mahgol. She is not being considered by me. Me old one has become just like a memory AGAIN!

Why do I say again? sure I will explain. garna!

I have had this feeling before. I feel like I even don't know the old Mahgol.I can look at her in my mind and it feels like looking at completely different person who I rarely know and understand.

Today I went to training room by mistake! there was no training! Language problem? Maybe they said it in Swedish but I did not get it and I was quite sure I heard some body said: Ses pa Sondag! any way.. then I tried to go to Constane and give her what I had bought here but she did not answer my message and has not done it yet after 8 hours, then i went and visited a middle age lady I know living in the city. We had tea and she showed me all the pictures she had and now I know whole her family. I got surprised by my patience with her though I had a hard headache and I just thought about the old times I used to spend a lot of time with mormor or farmor... I like old people. I think I understand them.

I feel like I can do something with my life but I have the feeling taht this something is so much far from where I am now or where I am heading to... I even have not started to get an idea were it ca be,,, but no wait a moment, I am sure I should work in a way taht at the end it helps others, I think that is the only thing taht can make me keep ging on.

A lot of things is my mind, in my painful head...

Did Lode come and go already?

When is Marta leaving to S. Africa?

What is barnkalas taht Christian was going to today? I know knitkalas but barnkalas?

I bought the presants I wanted to give to two couples I know and have got baby recently but It looks like I can never do it since they were not home this week and my phone stopped working properly when I was trying to set a time with them.

I am eager what is Clover doing in S.B and I wonder if my aunt got disappointed taht I did not accept her invitation for going to Cannes.

And Sam...

Soon it is his birthday and I don't want to forget it but anyway I have no adress to send a card or no number to call.

va amma eshgh...

Today was a day of thinking about Shahab, listening to Siavash Ghomeishi and getting up and down by different clear memories taht are popping up and injecting strong feeling of memories in my heart...

I have to finish a lot of things I have started but life is a simple hard puzzle.

I got an emai about a couple getting married 5 days before the girl dies of Cancer...

I don't know who to admire. but the thing is taht it is beautiful and so much like the LIFE I can imagine. the so much NOW identity of it mixed with a great flavour of LOVE...

2009-12-16T14:34:00.003+01:00

God I feel good with these people.

and this is my laptop background now.

2009-12-16T00:05:00.002+01:00

If we had not heard that this is wrong and that is right...

if we were confident about ourselves...

if we were not so much afraid of getting rejected...

and if we were living aware of that we might not see the sun tomorrow,

We would have lived much more better tror jag!

We would have said to the ones we loved that we love them.

We would have told the ones who we cared about taht we care about them,

we would have told our friends more often that they look beautiful today or the colour orange suites them,

We would have written or said to our friends more often that we were thinking about them...

We would have turned off the bicycle lights that were left on,,,

we would have said hi more often to the ones wiping the snow from the side walk in front of their home more often...

we would have made hot chocolate and drank it with the guys sitting in those noisy cars cleaning the streets in the long cold dark nights...

we would have been living better if we were not just thinking and talking like me and would have taken action instead like those few, rare ones in the world...

2009-12-12T23:46:00.002+01:00

Today was the first day after almost 10 days I was home for breakfast and sat with Melika and Bjorn whose companies I had missed for a long time.
Had toasted bread with butter and cheese and Halva.
Then I went to ICA with Shahab and on the way back it started Snowing...
Aha something else, funny! :)
I woke up first around 7 and it was dark, went to WC and wrote a message and went to sleep again. around 12 I opened my eyes and I saw the blue sky with some random small white clouds and the sun was shining, :) You can not believe it, I JUMPED out of bed! :)
SUN!!!!!!!
:)
Then I ran to the balcony and let the cold fresh air deep in my longs and felt the sun on my face...
Ok I was talking about the snow! I got so excited, when I reached my room, I just sat on the bed and wrote a message to 12 friends! "Glad Snö!"
it snowed jusy 10 minutes and since the ground was warm, all of them melted but still, I think it was long enough to pump the excitement and happiness in my blood and trigger me sending a message to those who I wanted to share my happiness with!
All the day I was just going around, enjoying having no shoes or bras on, seeing people in the corridor.
I was invited to Clover and I could go with Batu or Constance's friends by car but I just got permission from Clover to stay home and enjoy being home on my own after a long time.
I feel good and kind of excited about tomorrow. The last Capoeira training of the year 2009 with Jens (since he is going to Brazil on Monday) and then we are going to have lunch with Capoeiristas and the Roda we are planning to have with guys from Stockholm.
I hope my toe does not bother so much since it still aches from the training on Wednesday.
I talked with Ali Samini and Maryam Adldoost on phone and I got a message from Khale Ana inviting me to Cannes for the christmass or new years eve to spend it with her and my cousines. I have to decide about time and she will buy me the ticket but I still am not sure about it.
We will see.
Love and Peace to all
Mahgol

2009-12-09T17:33:00.002+01:00

Today,

is or better to say was the opening day of IPE! http://www.internationalpresence.se/overview...

Last night was the Julfest in one of the corridors in the school, seeing my teachers drunk!

Sleeping hoss Constance,

Today: hormons play a reinforcing role and "The Crush Gets Worse".

Today: Sleeping ON tables of a group room beside Clover and dream about funny strange stupid things.

Today is going to be continued in Capoeira training room and hoss Batu, havinga dinner with Larissa and enjoy last days she is spending here with us in Västerås.

Today is the day: I have not got my admission for the next course yet but the others have.

Today is: tomorrow is the deadline and the exam and the last day to pick the book up from library and last day to tell bostad västerås if I am staying or not!

Today is the day jag orkar inte mer!

2009-12-07T21:11:00.002+01:00

Today I worked from 8 to 14, met my friends, got a free haircut, had fika with Afshin and went to Capoeira.

On te way back I tried to smile to people though it was dark, though it was cold, though I had trainingpain in my legs.

And then near the hospital I saw a man walking oppisite side, smiling to me and I felt so lucky and happy.

I listened to some musics while checking my emails and I missed Sam.

I get panicked thinking about the fact he was here two years and now he is not. There will be a time no everybody is here or I am not simply here any more....

Any way, life is like this. eller hur? och vi far forsatta!

kram pa er

MahGol

p.s. I have not forgotten saying the reactions and interpretations of the story in our Swedish class. (Just in case you follow ;))

2009-12-06T17:21:00.005+01:00

We read this story in the Swedish class and it was so simple at the first glance but then when we discussed it longer then it became such a beautiful metaphoric one taht I felt like writing about it in the blog.

There was an old man who lived in a small cottage near the sea. His sons were dead, his first wife died soon and then the second one also died but he had just a daughter from the whole world. They liked each other so much and the girl was taking care of her father in a very good way.

Since they were living in a small twon, one day the girl told the father that she would like to go to a bigger city and experience life there, she wanted to study and work.

The day, she had packed and was ready to go, her father got a strange pain in his little finger in his laft hand and asked the girl not to leave until he becomes better. The girl who loved her father so much, stayed and after some mounth her father was better, one day he picked up the package they had bought from the store and the daughter said:

"Oh father you are all fine again!" and he said: "yes it looks like that".

She started to pack and this time, the father got a very bad pain in his back that could hardly move, the girl stayed to help the father and feed him while he was lying on the bed, six, seven months later he came out of the bed and he looked healthy again, so the girl shouted happily: "Oh look father you are all fine again", She wanted to go then but it was soon winter so she stayed and decided to go in Spring...

The flowers showed up and the trees got newl leaves after the snow melted, she packed and wanted to go when his father went blind this time. He could absolutely not see anything! She unpacked and became his father's eyes, day and night, taking care of him and being nice to him, after some mounths he suddenly started to see and the girl decided to go before anything else happened to her father.

She put on her clothes and got ready to say goodbye to her father,

This time, there appeared a wound in the father's right hand's palm and then another one in his left hand, and they started to bleed, she went after doctor and when they got back he actually had got two other wounds in his left and right feet and they were bleeding too.

He had so much pain and they could not help him. He got a deep wound in the side of his chest and it also started to bleed.

It was before eastern and the daughter was taking care of her father, but it did not help that much.

He got worse and got some wounds around his head, they bleeded alot too and he died the day after eastern.

They went to the funeral and everybody was telling the girl that now she is free and can go fo her distany.

She waited some days and afterward she decided to leave the house. She got her suitcase and came out.

She took the frist step down to the street and she felt a huge pain in her little finger if her left hand, she continued but then there was a untolerable pain in her back, they pain made her bend but she took went down to the third step and suddenly the whole world became balck! She went blind. She was searching for help so she almost rolled down the last and fourth step when she felt warmness of blood in her palms, then her feet and the side of her chest, last thing she felt before dying was a burning feeling of pain around her head...

OK!

My reaction was! vad fannn! Svenska literatur! men...

but I will let you think a little bit and then I will come back with some pieces of extra information and our discussions in the class which were surprisingly enlightening! :)

2009-12-04T14:02:00.002+01:00

I think it is interesting!
Take it if you have time.
http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/JTypes2.asp
Are you eager about mine? I am an INFP, it means I am a healer. :)
It means that http://www.keirsey.com/handler.aspx?s=keirsey&f=fourtemps&tab=3&c=healer
I gave these links on purpose because then if you get the test you can find out about your own personality thrugh them too.
By the way, thank for the comments, I did not know that I have to reply them. Dear Zita, Constance, Clover, Ali, Mahgol, Nomin and many other unknowns who left comments on my posts, I thank you so much and I appriciate that you spend time reading my posts and leaving messages. I think about them.

2009-12-01T21:31:00.002+01:00

Jag bara underar,
why are we so shy and inconfident in expressing our emotions?
Are we afraid of that somebody make fun of us?
Are we afraid of loosing what we already have?
Is it not nice to tell the ones who we like or love or have simply a crush on?
Or maybe it is better to ask, what is the purpose of saying such a thing to the person? Just for getting it of our chest?
And Why am I making these sentences in plural form?
Just to prove that I am not alone in this?
Burak said it is cheating on your boyfriend if you say that you had a crush on another guy.
I consider this lovely friend of mine as a typical asshole but I think about what he says. At least I know that there are people who think like that....
Any way, this is exam period and in these kind of occassions I always feel like having an artistic exhibition or doing something out of norm of the society but rational according to my beliefs.
Jag tror att jag far sluta har.
vi hors
ha det jatte bra

2009-11-27T01:49:00.002+01:00

Some times my mind is too fantasyful!

I am coming from Iran as you might know. Iran for me is still a land of poem, carpet, dance, fruite, sunshine, wine and music.

I was trying to play Berimbau properly the day before yesterday. I closed my eyes and tried to listen. Zarina and Cruja were trying to sing at the same time they were playing.
For me, Voice of human being and body's movements are the most genuine and beautiful pieces of art.
We get the result directly without any parasit in between. Human voice and the movement are the best ways for expressing what is going on in the inner world.

Other arts such as cinema, painting, handcrafts or even music, there is something in between, some tools, some device. I even donät like it when they place a microphone in front of the batteria.
Any way I wanted to do a comparison for you. I really hope I can make it. It comes deep from Persian poetric history.

Maybe you have heard of Rumi. (http://pt.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jalal_ad-Din_Muhammad_Rumi)
In the following poem that is kind of long, deep and ofcourse affected by being translated (think about Capoeira songs lyrics being translated to English and how they loose their meanings through this translation, but still make some sense) I was thinking about Berimbau instead of reed that is a kind of natural make flute as an old iranian musical instrument.
I think Capoeira music is natural and calming, it sitts in the soul and the musics and musical instruments come from nature, from where we come from and go back to.

I don't like Panderos made from plastic and metal.

In the following poem, as I said one can imagine reed as any Capoeira musical instrument, weeping can be considered as doing any Capoeira movement, the emphasis on gathering can be the importance of Roda and keeping groups such as happy and sad or men and women as audiances of the reed can be a point to the fact that now Capoeira is not just for a small group of special people.

But my main point is the part number 6!

Each befriended me for his own reasons, yet none searched out the secrets I contain.

This is what all Capoeiristas talks about Capoeira look like, any body has been doing Capoeira for her/his own personal reason and now in this poem the reed is nagging about not being completely comprehended, nobody has asked him what he axactly wanted to say with this loud sound, maybe it has been the shout of anger and the message of freedom before for the slaves but now?

The other parts I just kept them there to be loyal and not cut the poem in the middle.
I would like to invite you to pay special attention to the parts number 18-19-20-21 and 27-28 as well.
I am happy sharing this with you. I hope it is not too boring.

1. Listen to the reed and the tale it tells, how it sings of separation:
2. Ever since they cut me from the reed bed, my wail has caused men and women to weep.
3. I want a heart that is torn open with longing so that I might share the pain of this love.
4. Whoever has been parted from his source longs to return to that state of union.
5. At every gathering I play my lament. I'm a friend to both happy and sad.
6. Each befriended me for his own reasons, yet none searched out the secrets I contain.
7. My secret is not different than my lament, yet this is not for the senses to perceive.
8. The body is not hidden from the soul, nor is the soul hidden from the body, and yet the soul is not for everyone to see.
9. This flute is played with fire, not with wind, and without this fire you would not exist.
10. It is the fire of love that inspires the flute. It is the ferment of love that completes the wine.
11. The reed is a comfort to all estranged lovers. Its music tears our veils away.
12. Have you ever seen a poison or antidote like the reed? Have you seen a more intimate companion and lover?
13. It sings of the path of blood; it relates the passion of Majnun.
14. Only to the senseless is this sense confided. Does the tongue have any patron but the ear?
15. Our days grow more unseasonable, these days which mix with grief and pain. . .
16. but if the days that remain are few, let them go; it doesn't matter. But You, You remain, for nothing is as pure as You are.
17. All but the fish quickly have their fill of His water, and the day is long without His daily bread.
18. The raw do not understand the state of the ripe, and so my words will be brief.
19. Break your bonds, be free, my child! How long will silver and gold enslave you?
20. If you pour the whole sea into a jug, will it hold more than one day's store.
21. The greedy eye, like the jug, is never filled. Until content, the oyster holds no pearl.
22. Only one who has been undressed by Love is free of defect and desire.
23. O Gladness, O Love, our partner in trade, healer of all our ills,
24. Our Plato and Galen, remedy for our pride and our vanity.
25. With love this earthly body could soar in the air; the mountain could arise and nimbly dance.
26. Love gave life to Mount Sinai, O lover. Sinai was drunk; Moses lost consciousness.
27. Pressed to the lips of one in harmony with myself, I might also tell all that can be told;
28. but without a common tongue, I am dumb, even if I have a hundred songs to sing.
29. When the rose is gone and the garden faded, you will no longer hear the nightingale's song.
30. The Beloved is all; the lover just a veil. The Beloved is living; the lover a dead thing.
31. If Love withholds its strengthening care, the lover is left like a bird without wings.
32. How will I be awake and aware if the light of the Beloved is absent?
33. Love wills that this Word be brought forth.
34. If you find the mirror of the heart dull, the rust has not been cleared from its face.
35. O friends, listen to this tale, the marrow of our inward state.
--Version by Kabir Helminski. From "The Rumi Collection: An Anthology of Translations and Versions of Jalaluddin Rumi" (Putney, Vermont: Threshold Books, 1998), pp. 145-46. This is a revision of earlier versions ("Love is A Stranger," 1993, pp. 50-52; "Ruins of the Heart," 1981, pp. 19-20).

2009-11-21T10:34:00.004+01:00

It looks like it always happens, just right in the moment you think everything is fine, some thing happens.
Where you think you might not be misunderstood or you don't need to think so much before talking, you get trapped!
My friend got irritated by what I said without thinking, actually maybe it was just a loud public thinking thing!
Deep people get hurt so rare but it takes so long to get back to the normal stage of friendship or closeness.
There is a wall, you can not see it but as you go closer you feel it pressing on you chest.
I hate it. I want it over.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

And just like always another parallel irelevant subject.

Yesterday I saw a patriot Finnish guy having a silver lion with a stick or a sward in his halsband.
And today on the way from Behrangs apartment to university's library I noticed another lion, standing proudly as a symbol of Goteborg maybe.
Any way as symbol of anything, it was not the symbol of sperm tank that it actually is.
Male lion is one of the least useful animals in the whole world. It just sitts or better to say lies on the grass under shaddow, eat what the females have hunted, ibland roars and gärna mates! and that is it and it is almost all around the world the symbol of power, dignity and royalty. but actually the last one maybe fitts ;)

2009-11-16T03:32:00.002+01:00

A long day is about to finish just two hours before another one starts.
Today was sunday, I woke around 8 by a pleasant call from Iran.
I slept again and woke up kind of late to get on Capoeira training on time but I went anyway because Jag orkar inte missa till och med en gang.
It was so nice training with Music first and then Maculele.
Today we did some group organized movements, very nice.
Then I had a nice chat with Zarrina in Spicy hot and then got home, changed and went to Rebecca for fike, directly from Rebeccas place we went to Tango with Romain.
After Tango I came home, checked my emails chatted with Sam and made food and had dinner with Afshin and Shahab, then at around 10 the serious stuff started to get started when Shahab asked to swe his torn pillow, I did so and then got back to work.
One job application.
One email to thesis supervisor and some paragraphs on Thesis and address finding for seminar tomorow.
:)
It is 3:37 in the morning and I have to wake up at 6 to get ready and go to station to get the train at 7:22!
Tomorrow will be finished at around 10 in Vikseng.
I need a big basic chakra for tomorrow!
Hope you all sleep well and get enough of it
:)
Have a great start for the week!
P.s. Frenchy got some sleep finally. You could see it in her face, fresh and shiny eyes like before!

2009-11-15T01:14:00.002+01:00

Today I tried Ice Skating. I had never done it before.
I was scared and excited. It felt like the first time I wanted to jump in the deep part of the swiming pool, the first time I kknew my father is going to let me bicycle alone, the first time I was going to ask Jens to let me stand on my hands on myself and let the support.
There is this Psychology Today magazine I want to read so badly, it sits on my desk waiting for me finishing my articles and books which are VIPs.
There are two books I would love to read about autism and interpersonal communication and they are also waiting for swedish inlamnings to get klara and the lexur in form i fokus to get skrev...
There are two inlamnings and lot of ovning in form i fokus waiting for me to finish the first draft of my thesis and then go and halsa pa dem,
And the poor first draft is waiting for me to finish all my daily habbits which I'm trapped in.
:)
I repeat this which is called life, everyday and the good things is that, there is never a time I can say:
"I am bored, there is nothing to do"

2009-11-08T23:06:00.004+01:00

A come to B and want to tell something!
B says:
Have you passed what you want to tell me from the three filters?
A says:
Which three filters?
B says:
If you are sure that what you are going to tell me is 100% true.
If it makes me happy
or at least I benefit from it.
A thought a bit and said:
What I wanted to say was just something I heard and I am not sure if it is true, it for sure makes you sad or angry and it has in fact no use for you to know it.
then B said:
So please keep it for your self and try to fogret it as soon as possible.

What do you think? Is life boring if we do so or is it more pleasant?

2009-11-01T00:47:00.006+01:00

These days I am reading more about Interpersonal Communicatio and it has caused me cancelling a lot of my communicational activities such as going to lunch at Constance's place, joining "normal" students from Swedish course fikaing in the student union pub, going to Clover's halloween party, going to preparty in Nikka's place, following Afshin and Elham to Kåren, going to Capoeira training and so on, but

It has been handful from some scientific perspectives.

I have not only learnt about attachment theory but also four different theoretical perspectives defining the maning of emotion:

It includes: Darwinian, Jamesian, Cognitive and Social Constructive theoretical perspectives.

The first one as it is kind of obvious from its name, is based on the evolutional theory of Darwin. Scientists following this theoretical perspective, believe that our emotions which can be mainly devided in 6 basic foundamental emotions of happiness, sadness, fear, disgust, surprise and anger are some kinds of survival actions evolved from animals.

The second one is based on William James ideas and is described as follows: (I should estate it completely and exactly as it is found in the article by Cornelius becasue honestly I don't understand it)

"bodily changes follow directly the perception of the exciting fact, and our feeling of the same changes as the occur is the emotion!"

In the third perspective which is cognitive and is considered as the dominant theoretical perspective in this field it is all about the appraisal process in our brain and followers of this schools believe that emotions and thoughts are inseperable.

The fourth and last perspective says that emotions can be fully understood only on a social level of analysis and it is because they are mainly productions of culture.

But the funny thing is that I logged in the weblog account to express my stress from yesterday as a sunny day in Sweden after severalllllll cloudy dark days.

I had never experienced it before:

It was such a nice weather that I got pannicked! I did not know what to do to use it in a good way and get the advantage of SUN.

I exposed myself to sun in the balcony just right after I woke up before I felt like freezing and got in, later I ate my backed potato in the middle of the corridor, in front of the toiletts coz there was the only place that I could some sun shine from the emergency exit at the end of the long corridor!

Then I slept with theshades down!

I was not sleeping I spent the whole DAY (which actually was not that long!) but I could not go out because I had to study and I could not study for I was feeling like I would miss too much by being inside in such a sunny day!

OK! Welcome to solve the problem. :)

I will be back with more Communicational, emotional stuff.

Love and Peace to You!

Yes you! :)

2009-10-28T17:47:00.005+01:00

Hi!

Which one are you?

•Secures are having positive images of themselves and others it helps them to be sSelf-sufficient and comfortable with intimacy, they seek a balance of autonomy and closeness withing their relationships.

•Dismissives, with positive images of themselves but negative of others are fiercely independant, trying to prove they don’t need anybody, they dislike relying on others and their personal activities are prioritized over relationships.

•Preoccupieds have positive images of others while having negative images of themselves, it makes them seem just opposite to dismissives. They crave intimacy, cling to their relationships and they are afraid of getting abondoned.

•Fearfuls ore the poor ones who have negative images of themselves and others and it is usually because they have been hurt or rejected in past relationships, they are afraid of getting close to anybody, though they like the security of close relationship.

- from Attachment theory with a communicative perpective By Laura K. Guerrero

2009-10-28T02:22:00.002+01:00

Recently I have been so much stressed and have been thinking and giving myself the right of feeling, it has been too much and I need a pause.

But, the point is taht , there is no pause out there, these seconds will not wait for any body for any reason, at least in no way that I am aware of!

Maybe life is these daily struggles to get along with Swedish homeworks, Ös and Us, Cheap tickets to Stockholm, Articles from the Master in Communication, Finding a way to support yourself financially, getting in the good mood for the Tango sessions and keeping up and not giving up with Capoeira. meanwhile, you should try not to let your friends and family down, keep an eye on your foods and clouthes and ...
And at last but not least, finishing the master taht got started two years ago!

Wish me good luck with pushing my mental borders and overcomming stress.

2009-10-12T22:16:00.002+02:00

I don't find myself beautiful.

I don't think I have a good body.

I even don't belive that I am sweet or funny but I think

I have a good heart and I am so happy about it.

I am filled with love and I feel valuable.

I think I have the mission to keep it so or even make it better.

I love you and I love myself in love.

2009-10-07T12:28:00.002+02:00

Sam!

It feels bad here in Västerås without you, though Germany is in der nähe!

stor KRAM

2009-10-06T13:47:00.003+02:00

Jag pratar om mig och du pratar om oss.

Jag, jag, jag och jag...

Det är så trevligt när hjärtat blommar.

2009-10-04T15:46:00.002+02:00

I know these years will pass like other years that passed.
And I will sit there look at the fire with my weak eyes. sigh and try to stand up. my knees will be unable to carry my light body.
I will think about the huge amount of Energy and Love I had when I was young.
I have too much to give.

2009-09-02T17:52:00.003+02:00

I am sitting on the floor, infront of an off TV and a tea table in Rumineh's stuga!
It is outside Goteborg, at the gulf. The view is fantastic but the air cyrclation is awful.
It has used to be a double parking before the owners who live next door, decide to renovate(!) and rent it out.
There is just one door/window to the back yard facing the gulf which is not fixable and goes back and forth with everysingle wind coming from the sea. and no other windows are openable in this cottage!
I am making Fesenjoon which is a traditional Iranian food for her to thank for the place she offered me to stay these days in Goteborg.
The meeting with Anrzej from Chalmers Innovation went cute well and then I met Behrang and After that Fateh and got my Swedish books back.
I have a permanant headache from the caos in my mind. I am thinking about Shahab and me thses days.
I just don't understand why did he do this to me. why did he kill the love? It was so beautiful and now I try hard but it does not work yet and does not seem to work soon.
It has been just two days that I have been out from Vasteras but I already miss it. Maybe that is becaue I look at this town as a home to be and I don't like it. It i too crowded in comparison with our little cute Vasteras.
I miss my Capoeira bodies and Clover.
I have got a temporary "no" for my visa application but I have given some explanations and hope it leeds my case to a "yes".
So much to think about. So much to wait for. So much to decide and take the responsibility of!
And still so much to be happy and proud about.
Today on the wy back home I passed by a dagis and one of the small boys called me and asked me: "Vad heter du?"
And I said: "Mahgol"
He said:"Mahgol?" and smiled.
He pronounced my name better than any body else since two years ago in Sweden!
Självklart! he has no limmitations to learn and no default set of names to refere. He has an open mind to all new things. He was actually so smart and after the second sentence he said with his Göteborisk dialekt: "Men du pratar köööönstig!" and I laughed alot. I am not sure if he had noticed my Västeråsian accent or persian swedish accent!
Oh and one more thing, he also noticed taht I am not Swede taht I think is kind of smart since he was just five. He asked me: "Var bor du?" and I said"Där börta!" and he said: "Jag bor is Sverige! Var bor du?", then I noticed taht he apparently was sking about my nationality because he took of his cap and showed me his hair and pointed to my fizzy long black hair! :)
Then I said:"Jag bor i Västerås men jag koomer från Iran och nu måste jag går och lagar mat!".
It was nice to talk with them and see how nice they can be before learning from society to be conservative and play with their mobiles instead of talking to present people.
all the left Love and peace to you!
kram

2009-08-28T16:20:00.006+02:00

It looks like it is really starting again. I mean school and serious life!

I felt the summer time this summer, as I used to feel it when I was a student going to school.

Lots of traveling, lots of swiming, lots of playing and experiencing new things and meeting new people.

Today I sent some emails and made some phone calls about my thesis and it really felt like "Back to work".

It used to happen during the school, like all the past 21 years of lmy life, that I would have some task to do and if I did not succeed to finish before a long vacation (either new year or summer), I would have made the whole vacation bitter as poisen for myself, thinking about it and I would have doe absolutely nothing! Then in just a couple of days or weeks I could finish the whole shit!

My expectation from the thesis work is the same. The hwole summer I thought about it and I canceled a lot of things because of it and did almost nothing, but now after the summer I feel like I know what to do and it has got a very good start.

Let see what happenes.

I promise to keep you posted.

2009-08-26T11:46:00.003+02:00

:)
I think it is so good!
What happens if you say "Fuck you" to presidents or prime ministers?

U.S.A.
You says "Fuck you" to the president of U.S.A. Nothing happens, you become famous, they make you write a book and you make millions of dollars. But meanwhile the President sues you and gets all the money you have.

ENGLAND
You say, "Fuck you" to the Prime minister of England . The Prime minister says "fuck you" to you too.

FRANCE
You say, "Fuck you" to the president of France . Millions of people supports you and says "fuck you" to the president. Meanwhile the president of France writes poems because of his sadness.

JAPAN
You say, "Fuck you" to the Prime minister of Japan . The Prime minister says "I'm sorry; I'm not interested on your body."

GERMANY
You say, "Fuck you" to the president of Germany . The police come and say "Please don't fuck the president".

SWEDEN
You say, "Fuck you" to the Prime minister of Sweden . People vote if they accept you to fuck the Prime minister or not.20If the answer is yes you fuck the Prime minister. If the answer is no, the Prime minister shakes your hand.

ROMANIA
You say, "Fuck you" to the president of Romania . The president starts dancing with you with gypsy music.

TURKEY
You say, "Fuck you" to the president of Turkey . The president takes his gun and shoots you. He goes to jail for 8 years or escapes the country and Greecewelcomes him as a political refugee.

CHINA
You say, "Fuck you" to the Prime minister of China . The Prime minister will literally fuck you.

ITALY
You say, "Fuck you" to the president of Italy . You get price quotes from the mafia for realizing your passion.

RUSSIA
You say, "Fuck you" to the president of Russia . The president kisses your mouth.

SAUDI ARABIA
You say, "Fuck you" to the president ... But, there is no president, you become foolish. But if you say "fuck you" to the king, the king cuts your tongue...

IRAN
You say "Fuck you" to the president ?!? You are too late my friend, you've already been "Fucked" by the president long time ago and you didn't know!

2009-08-26T10:53:00.002+02:00

It is raining outside. It looks like Sweden when I first arrived.
These days I am a little bit busy with new arrival students who are mostly lost and shocked.
It is so nice, there are these Thai girls with tones of make up and clothes and their dolls!!! standing aside expecting and ordering you to carry their loggages for them. :) and on the other hand there are German or Dutsch girls who come with a backpack or two and have a map and prefere to walk themselves to their accomodations.
There are Pakistani or Indian guys who see you coming to the glass door, having a big box in your hand, managing to keep your balance and they just look at you or get their eyes from you and the Turkish ones who run and take the box from you and keep the door for you. :)
It is fun to see these all and try to understand that these are all cultural differences, no body tends to offend any body though every body is so offendable! :)
This las mounth has been amazingly full of driving for me. Goteborg, Malmo, Lund, Oland, Kalmar, Stockholm, Uppsala and now to student accomodations: Bjorhovda, Park, Vallby, Råby, Sundinska, Norra, Södra, Regulatorn, Haga and Vitmårgatan.
I met this old friend of mine, Jenny from Germany who was so kind to me once I was stock in the airport in Frankfor for 5 hours, she came from her town 1 hour far from Frankfurt, picked me up and showed me around in the city. She is back for visiting us and it is so nice to see her smiling smart eyes again.
Igor is back, she is my neighbour from Ukrain and he has a simple golden ring in his right hand and he is married! :)
There are some Iranians among new arrival students. they are colder than swedes, no surprise I know what their parrents have told them about Iranians in sweden before they come here. :)
Iran, Afshins mom has left! I already missed her last night, shen we used to play bridge after a long day of work, study or wandering around.
Shahab might get his Schengen visa and come for a visit to Sweden. I wish it had happened when I was dreaming it every day and night.
There is this Macadonian girl who lives in Stockholm with her boyfriend but is going to come to school here in Vasteras, I saw a good friend in her face. She was the innitiator of the conversation which is so rare in my case!
The thesis is postponded one more mounth. This time I have to take it sooooo serious. No jokes at all.
I am also planning my trip to Goteborg for registering myself in the master of Communication which giggles my nervs (?). I think I would like it.
I hope I find a job so that I can finance myself there.
and the last thing is the Tango course with Romain. He has found one but it is very expensive according to Dimi who is a dance "course" expert! :)
Capoeira started yesterday I went there for 6 sweet friendly warm hugs and 1 high five. and ofcourse the posters that I will put up to get more motivated people in our begginers class.
I am sure it is enough for now.
SES snart!
kram (one of those sweet, friendly and warm ones)

2009-08-20T03:22:00.003+02:00

And here we are me and Fimmi Anna!

I have a better picture of her and her sweet father on my mobile but unfortunately there is no way to get it out from the F*** mobile. No bluetooth and lost cable and no ... and no ....

So it stays as my background in the mobile. :)

Aunti Mahgol is so happy for you little girl!

2009-08-17T11:09:00.005+02:00

We are absolutey a big bunch of insecure people.
Some of us know how to pose confident but the rest who we call them insecure, don't simply know how to do it.
Sit in the train and smile to the person beside you...
How am I contributing to human beings' wellfare by studying business. Am I not making them get stuck in money and its requirements and consequences more and more, if If iF I am sucessful!

2009-08-17T00:07:00.002+02:00

I feel in love, again!
It is just such a pleasant feeling. Like Whiskey it warm ups the chest!
When I feel good, I fall in love almost every week and it is so sweet. I am learning to show my love without being afraid of people's judgement!
On the other hand I should continue not showing extra love and respect to ones who I don't realy have it for them deep inside.

When I wanted to say bye to the furniture group, I asked Stefan to give me a hug and then I thanked him for nice, sweet smiles he always had in his face and thanked him for the good sense of humor and so much fun he caused.
I huged lovely Jane and I did not say anything coz I want to see her more often and I don't want to say bye to her.
I huged stressed Inta, she was thinking about her parents an dthe trip she was going to be on for the next couple of days. Whatever it was she was not there at that moment, she was some where in future.
I shook hand with Anderas and I thought it was enough.
I huged Ayax and kissed him on his head. And I looked him is his eyes trying to show my love and respect to him.
.
.
.
Outside it is misty, orange yellowish lamps have their AURA around them! :)
We have night!
Today on the way back from Hemkop, I could smell lovely autumn comming and I told myself: "Hmmm, I have to reflect it in my blog!"
Tomorrow I am going to be in Stockholm, meeting Erik, joining a speach about cpability and entrepreneurship and discuss my thesis.
I am tired but excited.
I have to go to post office first before getting the train to Stockholm too.
Clover's website I visited today for the first time after it got finished designing. I found it fantastic. I loved the part she had her own handwriting in it and ofcourse the colours. (www.clovergiles.com)
BTW I met Fimmi Anna and soon I will be putting some pictures of her in here or maybe if Krista is kind enough, I might have a picture of Fimmi Anna and me.
Love and Peace to Ali Samini
:)
Sleep well allihooopaaaa!

Mahgol

2009-08-16T21:50:00.001+02:00

Photo: Irakle!

Capoeirista: Jens

2009-08-13T00:06:00.002+02:00

Jag åkte till Enköping och stännade där för tre timmer inna jag tar tåget och åkar tillbaka.
Det finns många vackra parker i Enköping.
Jag promenerade i stan och besökte stadsbiblioteket.
Jag hittade en bok som var om kommunication. Jag tror att det var jätte trevligt och spenande att läsa boken.
Jag skrev några meninger:

Delad glädje är dubbel glädje,
Delad sorg är halv sorg!

Jag är inte den du tror jag är.
Jag är inte den jag tror att jag är.
Jag är den jag tror att du tror at jag är!

Det var trevligt!

2009-08-04T23:42:00.002+02:00

Anger is like a painful warmness going through my body...
I feel it like that.
Today I felt it after a long while.
I tried hard not to hurt anybody with my anger but I am still too gelous to be this generous. Anger is so strange, it hurts one self as much as it hurts the others but maybe it hurts the onw who has it inside the most coz you hurt once by anger itself and then you hurt after hurting others...
It is hard to control it and some times I think I even enjoy it. I don't know but I feel strong when I get angery, I feel alive but it is so stupid... I know, I know!
OK?
I know.
I honestly think there are some rare constructive angers which even they can be converted to something else to be even more constructive.
Anyway!
Today I called and I listened to: "dstgahe moshtarake morede nazar khamoosh mibashad" and I hanged on and did not wait for the english translation taht wuold have been:"The mobile set is off!" :)
Is this love? I dare!

2009-08-02T20:54:00.003+02:00

Good relaxing weekend is good! :)

I went to Stockholm with Bjorn, Ebi, Melika, Sam and Clover.

We had lunch in an Iranian Restaurang called Zartosht, (http://www.zartosht.se/) and then went to Stockhom Center to join the Gay Pride (http://www.stockholmpride.org/).

We tayed until late and I had Clovie's camera so I did not get bored even for one second. A big memory card and a long lasting battery and so many interesting human being to be shot!

Sunday was a lazy day, cleaning, emailing, cooking, eating and studying.

Looking forward to the next week and enjoying the very current moment with Persian Iranian Classic Music and Booye Oood!

Love and peace to Jens

2009-07-27T17:06:00.002+02:00

Some times, everything is just perfect and you feel good though you know it is just short and will finish but you are not even sad because it finishes!
Last night I went out for one of my friends from Capoeira birthday. His name is Rodde!
A peaceful smiling cute guy.
There I met my bald Clovie, Amanda, Dark haired Zarah, Lovely Jens, Smiling Bea, Zarina, Marta, Crul and Nikko.
I had to tell them about Kongfu Panda. :)
And I got the nickname, Panda!
I just feel good when I am with these people. relax and happy.
Thank you my friends for the nice time we had.
BTW today was the first official day of work with IKEA furniture. I defenately have to get some working gloves. I almost lost my fingertip skin from the stupid IKEA skrew driver!
:)
But it feels good to fill the form and write how many hours have you worked.
:)
I am tired but happy and the sweetness of last night is still under my teeth.
I have a big surprise that you might hear about it too.
my lovely artist friend has painted me in her own special style. Can not wait to see it!
puss och kram
Hejdå!

2009-07-24T01:53:00.002+02:00

Hej Pa Dig!
Jag skapade MDH Hiking Club blogg och ar nojd med det!
Jag skulle jobba i skolan fran imorgon for tre veckor och ar glad om det.
Pengar, det som jag behover!
jag gick pa handerna for en minute idag och har ont i brostkorgen men
Pain is just weakness leaving the body!
sov gott!
Puss

2009-07-22T02:35:00.002+02:00

As short and simple as it was
and is
and will be:

She died!

2009-07-16T01:16:00.002+02:00

I remember when I was working on my self hard.
One of my aims was not to hurt others and help them in a way that no body finds out about it.
I remember I had the goal of not getting so happy or so sad because of what I get or loose.
I remember when I was trying not to nag!
And not to do things that do not have any benefit either for myself or others.
Det var lange sedan!

2009-07-14T12:02:00.002+02:00

Nomin got the bus at 10:40 and went to Stockholm to go to Chna and then Mongolia!

She went back "home"!

But then what is Vasteras that is missing something with this little girl who was waking up early in, I mean early early at 2 in the morning and was destributing newspapers in the city, no matter if it was raining, snowing or blowing.

Nomin and so many others just do live without so much word like me.

They do study, work and fall in love and break up without a single word!

I huged her three or four times before she and teh bus driver get on the us and each time I just kept myself not to cry cozo I did not want to make her cry.

I am sure if I had shown a drop of tear she would have started crying hard.

I think she will have a long trip home in which she will think a lot and come up with interesting results and I will ask her to share it with me.

There are numbers in my mobile that I have to delete since the owners have left Sweden and it feels bad unless I replace it with their numbers in their "home" countries!

I am the one who always says: "Come on, we have aircrafts and phone and webcam and we will all work and have money and meet when ever we desire and shala shala"

but

It is never the same when you can

reach your friend,

look in her/his eyes,

touch their shoulder

or hold their hands

and it is so stupid of us that we don't do it enough unless we feel like we are missing each other.

I am trying to hug and contact others phisycally as much as possible unless I know they don't like it no matter what others say.

I was searching for a hug picture to put in my post and look what I found:

http://www.rcpsych.ac.uk/publications/booksbeyondwords/bbwonlineversions/hugmetouchme/frontcover.aspx

It is sooooooooooooo stupid. What is Janet? Is she brought up in an incubator until she got 30 or so?

But any way the point is that we need it. :))

If we don't hug our friends then we will be like Janet! :)

instead I will upload a pic of my little friend Nomin who is now on the way to mongolia!

2009-07-12T14:01:00.002+02:00

It looks like I am back in life!

I know what I am doing and I have some how control on what I am doing.

No rush!

No panik!

I am on the way with my thesis and closing my Facebook account which feels so good.

2009-07-10T15:39:00.003+02:00

I sit there,
look at her face...
some thick gray hair has grown on her cheeck and nobody has unplugged them.
She looks at me and smiles. She makes one of her special faces like crossing her eyes and pulls her tongue out.
:)
I lough and touch her soft hands and stand up to get the hairplugger...
She gets my hand and says, on your way back get one of those ice-creams that you have bought before the nurse comes back!
I smile and say:
"Maadar! you had one this morning, it will be so much sugar for you!"
She says:
"Come on! You used to be my friend! I have been eating what I wanted whole my life and look I am healthy, just this finger which burns, it is like ..."
and I lough and say:
"... yeah yeah I know, It is like they have opened it and put salt and pepper inside and it burns and itches like that!"
She laughs but then gets a serious face and says:
"You laugh but it really hurts!"
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Who should I tease if you go?
Who should I look and enjoy looking at?
Madaar don't leave us.

Let me come and kiss your soft skinny hand once more!

2009-07-08T16:44:00.003+02:00

Why is it so hard to go to some one and tell him/her:
I really like you and I want to know you more, maybe we can have some tea or coffee some time!
I know why, because it sounds so much like a date.
But if you really don't look after a date and you mean the words you say?
On the other hand, think about the famous stupid question:
What would you do if you have just one last day to live?
Then everything sounds so easy but who knows how many days are we going to live?
Poooof!
Jag vet inte!
Jag måste plugga nu!
Hejdå!

2009-07-08T01:08:00.001+02:00

I am searching for an isolation way. It is one of those periods that I feel like I have to spend more time with "ME".

2009-07-06T12:17:00.003+02:00

I want to be honest!
I have a lot to do and I am doing nothing!
I have to finish some courses from last last term and there is the F*** Thesis taht I have to work on too.
I have to practice Capoeira and I ave to learn more Svenska!
Men Men Men
jag kan inte satta mig och plugga!
Jag vet inte varfor men det gar inte!
Jag sade till mig att jag har halla juli och agusti att plugga men en vecka av juli ar klar och jag har gjort absolut ingenting!
Jag maste borja! Jag maste.

2009-07-03T21:49:00.003+02:00

Have you ever felt that some one can do magic with you?
That some one can make your brain freeze?
That you are word less when he/she talks to you?
Have you ever felt so angry and in love at the same time with some body?
I don't know how to act and I decide to skip it all.
But then I can not and I get stuck in it like a donkey in mud! This is an old persian saying! :)
But I don't know why I put a smily face, though it is not funny at all!
p.s. Don't search for the relationship between donkey, mud and tiger and water...

2009-07-02T13:43:00.002+02:00

Today I was thinking about those 200-1 people who got killed and there was no one to film their death so there is no name of them in Youtube or any other place. You just know Neda and that is not all.

2009-06-30T00:14:00.004+02:00

People are in streets in Iran, they are getting hit and shot, they are fighting for freedom.
They are looking for their votes. I am born in Tehran, Iran and just by the time these things are going on in Iran, I take a bus to Stockholm but not to demonstrate or join others who want to shout for Iranian nation whose voice can not be broadcasted easily, I want to take the bus to go to a cheap airport called Skavsta. I fly to Bratislava, take the bus to the city, have a turn in the center of the city and some memories from Ebi and Farideh and our Vienna trip gets a second life, I get the bus to Budapest and visit my old friend Zita there. She is standing in the bus terminal at 11 pm in not a very good part of the city with a beautiful rose in her hands and a beautiful tired smile in her face.
She brings me to her home in Budpest suburb, we drink a glass of fine Champagne and sleep.
I go around in this beautiful city. She does not let me pay a single penny. I get the bus in the early morning go to Prague. There are some old good doods waiting for me. tired real smiles on their faces. I hugs David, Tomas and Petr and I feel, damn, I had missed these guys.
We go, drink and eat and go to my survival trip of 100 km in 24 hours and I fail in 92.5 km and on the 22nd hour of the trip. I spend the night by the fire in an old typical Zcech in Bohemian Paradise in an old village in my sleeping bag but before we have some beer and sit by the fire and listen to the rock climber who plays guitar and sings Czech folk songs.
I take the train back to the city after eating a typical Czech food in a small town by the railways. The bus brings me to Wroclaw through lots of ups and downs in the mountains in south border of Poland and I can see nothing from the big window beside me not because it is dark but because it is dirty and foggy. I go to the centrum in the nicest hostel ever near the main market square and listen to loud laugh of lovers and wonder about the roses Polish gentlemen give to their lovers when they meet in fine clothes in teh main square while I am in my shorts and old slippers. I get the train to Poznan the other day and remind lots of good memories in Frolic Goats and the day after a short girly visit to the tourist information office in that nice old square and then the bus to the airport and flying back to Vasteras.
Finished? no! from the airport in Vasteras I walk down to the island named Bjorno and swim and rest and enjoy the late sunset at 10 pm and walk back home: sundinska!
And after all these, now I think I know what should I do for Iran. I don't need to buy a ticket and run back home and shoudl stop repeating to myself: "Why shoudl Neda get shot? Why not me? What if I was there and she was still alive?"
I know what should I do and I feel good about it.
May peace flow all around the world.
You could see war's effect in all these cities I have travelled through and it is not pleasant at all.

2009-06-06T21:31:00.002+02:00

These day?

This is me!

2009-05-28T00:13:00.003+02:00

I brought a small present for Romain from Iran and he gave me his favorite old silver medalium.

I have it on me now and I am realy happy about it.

Lets keep it this simple because it is simple.

2009-05-27T12:24:00.003+02:00

I had this dream of
lying on a rock,
the rock was on a bed of short soft grass,
it was surrounded by tall old trees,
sun rays were reaching the green bed, the rock and me through the leaves of the trees,

I had this dream of lying on such a bed,
naked and still!
I wanted to wait and observe how
days and night pass
animals came and go
they approached me slowly, smelled me some licked me and left.
insects passed over me,
It rained and snowed
and one day it blew and I felt that I am flying like a dust...

I had this dream and I was making it more and more facinating by adding sweet details to it
But
Now
I am living and I want to live and I know that there will be such a day and I will enjoy it but now I want to live with sweeter dreams.

2009-05-26T18:09:00.000+02:00

Have you ever searched for the picture of a photographer?
You will find the photos he/she has taken and you are never sure which one is his/her own profile.
Maybe it is so right because you are what you see and what you do.

2009-05-06T11:49:00.002+02:00

I look in your eyes,
Blue, Brown, Green, Black, Honey, ...
I see a transparent reflection of me.

You think about me,
good or bad,
does not matter,
there are some seconds, minutes or hours you spend thinking about me or us and it connects me to you stronger and stronger.

You think you are my enemy but ...
We get closer and closer.
Niether you or I can help it,
It is the rule.
.
.
.
Lets meditate!