It looks like it always happens, just right in the moment you think everything is fine, some thing happens.
Where you think you might not be misunderstood or you don't need to think so much before talking, you get trapped!
My friend got irritated by what I said without thinking, actually maybe it was just a loud public thinking thing!
Deep people get hurt so rare but it takes so long to get back to the normal stage of friendship or closeness.
There is a wall, you can not see it but as you go closer you feel it pressing on you chest.
I hate it. I want it over.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

And just like always another parallel irelevant subject.

Yesterday I saw a patriot Finnish guy having a silver lion with a stick or a sward in his halsband.
And today on the way from Behrangs apartment to university's library I noticed another lion, standing proudly as a symbol of Goteborg maybe.
Any way as symbol of anything, it was not the symbol of sperm tank that it actually is.
Male lion is one of the least useful animals in the whole world. It just sitts or better to say lies on the grass under shaddow, eat what the females have hunted, ibland roars and gärna mates! and that is it and it is almost all around the world the symbol of power, dignity and royalty. but actually the last one maybe fitts ;)

A long day is about to finish just two hours before another one starts.
Today was sunday, I woke around 8 by a pleasant call from Iran.
I slept again and woke up kind of late to get on Capoeira training on time but I went anyway because Jag orkar inte missa till och med en gang.
It was so nice training with Music first and then Maculele.
Today we did some group organized movements, very nice.
Then I had a nice chat with Zarrina in Spicy hot and then got home, changed and went to Rebecca for fike, directly from Rebeccas place we went to Tango with Romain.
After Tango I came home, checked my emails chatted with Sam and made food and had dinner with Afshin and Shahab, then at around 10 the serious stuff started to get started when Shahab asked to swe his torn pillow, I did so and then got back to work.
One job application.
One email to thesis supervisor and some paragraphs on Thesis and address finding for seminar tomorow.
:)
It is 3:37 in the morning and I have to wake up at 6 to get ready and go to station to get the train at 7:22!
Tomorrow will be finished at around 10 in Vikseng.
I need a big basic chakra for tomorrow!
Hope you all sleep well and get enough of it
:)
Have a great start for the week!
P.s. Frenchy got some sleep finally. You could see it in her face, fresh and shiny eyes like before!

Today I tried Ice Skating. I had never done it before.
I was scared and excited. It felt like the first time I wanted to jump in the deep part of the swiming pool, the first time I kknew my father is going to let me bicycle alone, the first time I was going to ask Jens to let me stand on my hands on myself and let the support.
There is this Psychology Today magazine I want to read so badly, it sits on my desk waiting for me finishing my articles and books which are VIPs.
There are two books I would love to read about autism and interpersonal communication and they are also waiting for swedish inlamnings to get klara and the lexur in form i fokus to get skrev...
There are two inlamnings and lot of ovning in form i fokus waiting for me to finish the first draft of my thesis and then go and halsa pa dem,
And the poor first draft is waiting for me to finish all my daily habbits which I'm trapped in.
:)
I repeat this which is called life, everyday and the good things is that, there is never a time I can say:
"I am bored, there is nothing to do"

A come to B and want to tell something!
B says:
Have you passed what you want to tell me from the three filters?
A says:
Which three filters?
B says:
If you are sure that what you are going to tell me is 100% true.
If it makes me happy
or at least I benefit from it.
A thought a bit and said:
What I wanted to say was just something I heard and I am not sure if it is true, it for sure makes you sad or angry and it has in fact no use for you to know it.
then B said:
So please keep it for your self and try to fogret it as soon as possible.

What do you think? Is life boring if we do so or is it more pleasant?

These days I am reading more about Interpersonal Communicatio and it has caused me cancelling a lot of my communicational activities such as going to lunch at Constance's place, joining "normal" students from Swedish course fikaing in the student union pub, going to Clover's halloween party, going to preparty in Nikka's place, following Afshin and Elham to Kåren, going to Capoeira training and so on, but

It has been handful from some scientific perspectives.

I have not only learnt about attachment theory but also four different theoretical perspectives defining the maning of emotion:

It includes: Darwinian, Jamesian, Cognitive and Social Constructive theoretical perspectives.

• The first one as it is kind of obvious from its name, is based on the evolutional theory of Darwin. Scientists following this theoretical perspective, believe that our emotions which can be mainly devided in 6 basic foundamental emotions of happiness, sadness, fear, disgust, surprise and anger are some kinds of survival actions evolved from animals.


• The second one is based on William James ideas and is described as follows: (I should estate it completely and exactly as it is found in the article by Cornelius becasue honestly I don't understand it)

"bodily changes follow directly the perception of the exciting fact, and our feeling of the same changes as the occur is the emotion!"

• In the third perspective which is cognitive and is considered as the dominant theoretical perspective in this field it is all about the appraisal process in our brain and followers of this schools believe that emotions and thoughts are inseperable.


• The fourth and last perspective says that emotions can be fully understood only on a social level of analysis and it is because they are mainly productions of culture.

But the funny thing is that I logged in the weblog account to express my stress from yesterday as a sunny day in Sweden after severalllllll cloudy dark days.

I had never experienced it before:

It was such a nice weather that I got pannicked! I did not know what to do to use it in a good way and get the advantage of SUN.

I exposed myself to sun in the balcony just right after I woke up before I felt like freezing and got in, later I ate my backed potato in the middle of the corridor, in front of the toiletts coz there was the only place that I could some sun shine from the emergency exit at the end of the long corridor!

Then I slept with theshades down!

I was not sleeping I spent the whole DAY (which actually was not that long!) but I could not go out because I had to study and I could not study for I was feeling like I would miss too much by being inside in such a sunny day!

OK! Welcome to solve the problem. :)

I will be back with more Communicational, emotional stuff.

Love and Peace to You!

Yes you! :)

Hi!

Which one are you?

•Secures are having positive images of themselves and others it helps them to be sSelf-sufficient and comfortable with intimacy, they seek a balance of autonomy and closeness withing their relationships.

•Dismissives, with positive images of themselves but negative of others are fiercely independant, trying to prove they don’t need anybody, they dislike relying on others and their personal activities are prioritized over relationships.

•Preoccupieds have positive images of others while having negative images of themselves, it makes them seem just opposite to dismissives. They crave intimacy, cling to their relationships and they are afraid of getting abondoned.

•Fearfuls ore the poor ones who have negative images of themselves and others and it is usually because they have been hurt or rejected in past relationships, they are afraid of getting close to anybody, though they like the security of close relationship.

- from Attachment theory with a communicative perpective By Laura K. Guerrero

Recently I have been so much stressed and have been thinking and giving myself the right of feeling, it has been too much and I need a pause.

But, the point is taht , there is no pause out there, these seconds will not wait for any body for any reason, at least in no way that I am aware of!

Maybe life is these daily struggles to get along with Swedish homeworks, Ös and Us, Cheap tickets to Stockholm, Articles from the Master in Communication, Finding a way to support yourself financially, getting in the good mood for the Tango sessions and keeping up and not giving up with Capoeira. meanwhile, you should try not to let your friends and family down, keep an eye on your foods and clouthes and ...
And at last but not least, finishing the master taht got started two years ago!

Wish me good luck with pushing my mental borders and overcomming stress.

I don't find myself beautiful.

I don't think I have a good body.

I even don't belive that I am sweet or funny but I think

I have a good heart and I am so happy about it.

I am filled with love and I feel valuable.

I think I have the mission to keep it so or even make it better.

I love you and I love myself in love.

Sam!

It feels bad here in Västerås without you, though Germany is in der nähe!

stor KRAM

Jag pratar om mig och du pratar om oss.

Jag, jag, jag och jag...

Det är så trevligt när hjärtat blommar.

I know these years will pass like other years that passed.
And I will sit there look at the fire with my weak eyes. sigh and try to stand up. my knees will be unable to carry my light body.
I will think about the huge amount of Energy and Love I had when I was young.
I have too much to give.

I am sitting on the floor, infront of an off TV and a tea table in Rumineh's stuga!
It is outside Goteborg, at the gulf. The view is fantastic but the air cyrclation is awful.
It has used to be a double parking before the owners who live next door, decide to renovate(!) and rent it out.
There is just one door/window to the back yard facing the gulf which is not fixable and goes back and forth with everysingle wind coming from the sea. and no other windows are openable in this cottage!
I am making Fesenjoon which is a traditional Iranian food for her to thank for the place she offered me to stay these days in Goteborg.
The meeting with Anrzej from Chalmers Innovation went cute well and then I met Behrang and After that Fateh and got my Swedish books back.
I have a permanant headache from the caos in my mind. I am thinking about Shahab and me thses days.
I just don't understand why did he do this to me. why did he kill the love? It was so beautiful and now I try hard but it does not work yet and does not seem to work soon.
It has been just two days that I have been out from Vasteras but I already miss it. Maybe that is becaue I look at this town as a home to be and I don't like it. It i too crowded in comparison with our little cute Vasteras.
I miss my Capoeira bodies and Clover.
I have got a temporary "no" for my visa application but I have given some explanations and hope it leeds my case to a "yes".
So much to think about. So much to wait for. So much to decide and take the responsibility of!
And still so much to be happy and proud about.
Today on the wy back home I passed by a dagis and one of the small boys called me and asked me: "Vad heter du?"
And I said: "Mahgol"
He said:"Mahgol?" and smiled.
He pronounced my name better than any body else since two years ago in Sweden!
Självklart! he has no limmitations to learn and no default set of names to refere. He has an open mind to all new things. He was actually so smart and after the second sentence he said with his Göteborisk dialekt: "Men du pratar köööönstig!" and I laughed alot. I am not sure if he had noticed my Västeråsian accent or persian swedish accent!
Oh and one more thing, he also noticed taht I am not Swede taht I think is kind of smart since he was just five. He asked me: "Var bor du?" and I said"Där börta!" and he said: "Jag bor is Sverige! Var bor du?", then I noticed taht he apparently was sking about my nationality because he took of his cap and showed me his hair and pointed to my fizzy long black hair! :)
Then I said:"Jag bor i Västerås men jag koomer från Iran och nu måste jag går och lagar mat!".
It was nice to talk with them and see how nice they can be before learning from society to be conservative and play with their mobiles instead of talking to present people.
all the left Love and peace to you!
kram

It looks like it is really starting again. I mean school and serious life!

I felt the summer time this summer, as I used to feel it when I was a student going to school.

Lots of traveling, lots of swiming, lots of playing and experiencing new things and meeting new people.

Today I sent some emails and made some phone calls about my thesis and it really felt like "Back to work".

It used to happen during the school, like all the past 21 years of lmy life, that I would have some task to do and if I did not succeed to finish before a long vacation (either new year or summer), I would have made the whole vacation bitter as poisen for myself, thinking about it and I would have doe absolutely nothing! Then in just a couple of days or weeks I could finish the whole shit!

My expectation from the thesis work is the same. The hwole summer I thought about it and I canceled a lot of things because of it and did almost nothing, but now after the summer I feel like I know what to do and it has got a very good start.

Let see what happenes.

I promise to keep you posted.

:)
I think it is so good!
What happens if you say "Fuck you" to presidents or prime ministers?

U.S.A.
You says "Fuck you" to the president of U.S.A. Nothing happens, you become famous, they make you write a book and you make millions of dollars. But meanwhile the President sues you and gets all the money you have.

ENGLAND
You say, "Fuck you" to the Prime minister of England . The Prime minister says "fuck you" to you too.

FRANCE
You say, "Fuck you" to the president of France . Millions of people supports you and says "fuck you" to the president. Meanwhile the president of France writes poems because of his sadness.

JAPAN
You say, "Fuck you" to the Prime minister of Japan . The Prime minister says "I'm sorry; I'm not interested on your body."

GERMANY
You say, "Fuck you" to the president of Germany . The police come and say "Please don't fuck the president".

SWEDEN
You say, "Fuck you" to the Prime minister of Sweden . People vote if they accept you to fuck the Prime minister or not.20If the answer is yes you fuck the Prime minister. If the answer is no, the Prime minister shakes your hand.

ROMANIA
You say, "Fuck you" to the president of Romania . The president starts dancing with you with gypsy music.

TURKEY
You say, "Fuck you" to the president of Turkey . The president takes his gun and shoots you. He goes to jail for 8 years or escapes the country and Greecewelcomes him as a political refugee.

CHINA
You say, "Fuck you" to the Prime minister of China . The Prime minister will literally fuck you.

ITALY
You say, "Fuck you" to the president of Italy . You get price quotes from the mafia for realizing your passion.

RUSSIA
You say, "Fuck you" to the president of Russia . The president kisses your mouth.

SAUDI ARABIA
You say, "Fuck you" to the president ... But, there is no president, you become foolish. But if you say "fuck you" to the king, the king cuts your tongue...

IRAN
You say "Fuck you" to the president ?!? You are too late my friend, you've already been "Fucked" by the president long time ago and you didn't know!

It is raining outside. It looks like Sweden when I first arrived.
These days I am a little bit busy with new arrival students who are mostly lost and shocked.
It is so nice, there are these Thai girls with tones of make up and clothes and their dolls!!! standing aside expecting and ordering you to carry their loggages for them. :) and on the other hand there are German or Dutsch girls who come with a backpack or two and have a map and prefere to walk themselves to their accomodations.
There are Pakistani or Indian guys who see you coming to the glass door, having a big box in your hand, managing to keep your balance and they just look at you or get their eyes from you and the Turkish ones who run and take the box from you and keep the door for you. :)
It is fun to see these all and try to understand that these are all cultural differences, no body tends to offend any body though every body is so offendable! :)
This las mounth has been amazingly full of driving for me. Goteborg, Malmo, Lund, Oland, Kalmar, Stockholm, Uppsala and now to student accomodations: Bjorhovda, Park, Vallby, Råby, Sundinska, Norra, Södra, Regulatorn, Haga and Vitmårgatan.
I met this old friend of mine, Jenny from Germany who was so kind to me once I was stock in the airport in Frankfor for 5 hours, she came from her town 1 hour far from Frankfurt, picked me up and showed me around in the city. She is back for visiting us and it is so nice to see her smiling smart eyes again.
Igor is back, she is my neighbour from Ukrain and he has a simple golden ring in his right hand and he is married! :)
There are some Iranians among new arrival students. they are colder than swedes, no surprise I know what their parrents have told them about Iranians in sweden before they come here. :)
Iran, Afshins mom has left! I already missed her last night, shen we used to play bridge after a long day of work, study or wandering around.
Shahab might get his Schengen visa and come for a visit to Sweden. I wish it had happened when I was dreaming it every day and night.
There is this Macadonian girl who lives in Stockholm with her boyfriend but is going to come to school here in Vasteras, I saw a good friend in her face. She was the innitiator of the conversation which is so rare in my case!
The thesis is postponded one more mounth. This time I have to take it sooooo serious. No jokes at all.
I am also planning my trip to Goteborg for registering myself in the master of Communication which giggles my nervs (?). I think I would like it.
I hope I find a job so that I can finance myself there.
and the last thing is the Tango course with Romain. He has found one but it is very expensive according to Dimi who is a dance "course" expert! :)
Capoeira started yesterday I went there for 6 sweet friendly warm hugs and 1 high five. and ofcourse the posters that I will put up to get more motivated people in our begginers class.
I am sure it is enough for now.
SES snart!
kram (one of those sweet, friendly and warm ones)

And here we are me and Fimmi Anna!

:)

I have a better picture of her and her sweet father on my mobile but unfortunately there is no way to get it out from the F*** mobile. No bluetooth and lost cable and no ... and no ....

:)

So it stays as my background in the mobile. :)

Aunti Mahgol is so happy for you little girl!

We are absolutey a big bunch of insecure people.
Some of us know how to pose confident but the rest who we call them insecure, don't simply know how to do it.
Sit in the train and smile to the person beside you...
How am I contributing to human beings' wellfare by studying business. Am I not making them get stuck in money and its requirements and consequences more and more, if If iF I am sucessful!

I feel in love, again!
It is just such a pleasant feeling. Like Whiskey it warm ups the chest!
When I feel good, I fall in love almost every week and it is so sweet. I am learning to show my love without being afraid of people's judgement!
On the other hand I should continue not showing extra love and respect to ones who I don't realy have it for them deep inside.

When I wanted to say bye to the furniture group, I asked Stefan to give me a hug and then I thanked him for nice, sweet smiles he always had in his face and thanked him for the good sense of humor and so much fun he caused.
I huged lovely Jane and I did not say anything coz I want to see her more often and I don't want to say bye to her.
I huged stressed Inta, she was thinking about her parents an dthe trip she was going to be on for the next couple of days. Whatever it was she was not there at that moment, she was some where in future.
I shook hand with Anderas and I thought it was enough.
I huged Ayax and kissed him on his head. And I looked him is his eyes trying to show my love and respect to him.
.
.
.
Outside it is misty, orange yellowish lamps have their AURA around them! :)
We have night!
Today on the way back from Hemkop, I could smell lovely autumn comming and I told myself: "Hmmm, I have to reflect it in my blog!"
Tomorrow I am going to be in Stockholm, meeting Erik, joining a speach about cpability and entrepreneurship and discuss my thesis.
I am tired but excited.
I have to go to post office first before getting the train to Stockholm too.
Clover's website I visited today for the first time after it got finished designing. I found it fantastic. I loved the part she had her own handwriting in it and ofcourse the colours. (www.clovergiles.com)
BTW I met Fimmi Anna and soon I will be putting some pictures of her in here or maybe if Krista is kind enough, I might have a picture of Fimmi Anna and me.
Love and Peace to Ali Samini
:)
Sleep well allihooopaaaa!

Mahgol

Photo: Irakle!

Capoeirista: Jens

Jag åkte till Enköping och stännade där för tre timmer inna jag tar tåget och åkar tillbaka.
Det finns många vackra parker i Enköping.
Jag promenerade i stan och besökte stadsbiblioteket.
Jag hittade en bok som var om kommunication. Jag tror att det var jätte trevligt och spenande att läsa boken.
Jag skrev några meninger:

Delad glädje är dubbel glädje,
Delad sorg är halv sorg!

Jag är inte den du tror jag är.
Jag är inte den jag tror att jag är.
Jag är den jag tror att du tror at jag är!

Det var trevligt!