It has been such a long time I did not write in the blog.

It has been because of the fact my internet was not working.

Today it has been a day of doing things that was supposed to be done long ago but it is still good.

Last week was such a week. full of different activities. and a 48 hours of being awake and work!

It is amazing how much our bodies can take.

I like pushing the borders and it always suprises me.

Everybody is so busy with L I F E!

Shahab has Norouz holidays and he has got some time to sleep, play guitar and study for IELTS and I am so happy about it.

Clover is stressed because of moving and all the exams we have ahead. I understand her.

Anna is thinking about joining us to Iran.

Romain is learning Persian from Melika on Fridays in teh library.

Melika is worried about future. Summer job? Visa? Money?

Christian is studying hard. It is so nice to see him taking everything so serious. :) I hardly get to see him. Yesterday he and Kally came to kåren for a coffee when I was working and I went out the bar to hug him for a short second. It is always so calming with him.

Hubert was off for a week and now he is back after two days of hard work in F... Ica.

Trainings in Capoeira are goooooood. Yesterday we were almost the whole time on our hands trying to do makaka. :)

In the weekend I had Jackie and Teddy here and it was so nice with both of them. I love dogs. they are just amazing. I huged Teddy for almost one hour and slept after 48 hours of not sleeping and working and hiking and ... and it felt so amazingly good. Then came Jackie to pick him up so we had to get up. :)

I have bought a new pair of Jeans and I love them. They are so much like what I used to have when I was younger. :) I love the colour and the form.

Afshin is worried about future. PHD, IRAN, Amin, ...

Constance has got the problem with sleeping back! I hope it does not get worth with the long days that are on the way.

Nomin and Sam finished their thesis finally and got their results so I have to ask for their documents by post. This is what I have to do soon.

I got the upportunity of working with Soheila in Växjö for three mounths but I have to start next week and it just is not gonna work with all the exams and seminars that I have ahead.

I had some useful meetings with Christina Kääria, Eric Söderberg, Erik Lindhult and VSIF.

I got to work with Margarytta on my thesis to finish it easier and sooner and we are both happy about it. I am going to meet her tomorrow after Capoeira while she is packing for her jobbtrip. :)

I think I have covered almost all...

I will be back with more good news

Love you all

Mahgol

Nu har jag biljetten till Iran i fickan och förvarnade!!! familjen om det också! :)
Det känns underbart. Så länge ska Clover, Romain och Jackie följa med. Men Kanske Constance, Rodde och Amanda hoppa in också. Vi får se.
Jag bad min morbror som bor i USA om vi kunde stanna hos honom in Tehran i hans lägenhet som är ledig men idag nekade han. Men det gör inget.

Imorse var shahab lite arg på mig och jag tycker inte om honom när han är arg. :)

Jag tror att jag vet varför är han arg, jag var upptagen igår och fick inte svara mobilen när han ringde mig två gånger, men det är lugnt, det gör inget. Såna grejer kommer å hända. Man får inte bli arg så lätt.

Idag har jag jobbat mellan 8 och 13, men i natt hade jag svårt å sova! Jag sov bara mellan 12:30 och 3:30 och sen var jag vaken tills jag gick till jobbet.

I morse fick alla lyssna på Capoeira musik på Kåren! :)))) Jag skrevt till Jens, Christian och Clover om det för att det var så spontant och roligt. Ingen vågade å klaga om det! :) Bara Nikka kom till sist och bytte musiken med "I'm a Barbie Girl!" Ha ha ha...

Förkylningen är tillbaka! Hela kropen gör ont. Idag har jag gjort ganske mycket men det känns som nåt viktigt saknas! Jag tappade lapparna som jag hade skrivit typ "to do" listan på och det kändes tomt i huvve!

Nu känner jag mig kallt och halsen ömmar. Näsan rinnar och ögonen ser inte klart.

Nu ska jag gå hem, göra ett glas varm mjölk med honung till mig själv och njuta av varma rummet!

Bilden är tagits av Tomas nånstans nära fläckebo!

Snow Snow and again Snow!
Now I feel like writing but the svenskfilm session starts soon and I am in the other building so I have to run to get to the room where dear Tanja shows the movie to us in Swedish. Arn is the name of the movie I think.

I want to write about my feeling which are so strong these days, my senses taht are working extra sensetive and about how I think and see future but the internet thingy still has problem.

I will try to do it soon.

It has been such a long time I have not posted anything here.

The main reason is that I did not have internet at home and the second was that I had to conclude somethings and it never happens without sacrificing some thing and today I did sacrifice swimming with friends and sat in front of my computer and borrowed Shahab's internet.

There are a lot of things prompting in my mind and at the same time I tell to myself:

Cool down, no worries, there is no need to stress.

I talked with my dad, my dad is my hero Clover wrote about him in her blog. . . Well, I was trying to link it to her post but did not work ... anyway there is no need for evidance and the whole point is that you get the feeling how important can your father's opinion be, no matter how much you insist of proving the opposite.

I think it was when I got 14 or something like that when I first stood in front of my father and told him I think he is wrong and from that point I just started to do what I thought was right and kept on doing things in my own way but always I have been feeling that I am not getting approval from him and now after almost 14 years from then, my father just talked to me for 3 or 4 minutes because I called him because I had missed him and it just made a chaos in me.

He said he thinks I don't know what am I looking for and I have lost the target. I am just wandering around and moving aimlessly.

I shared it with Shahab and he said that he agrees with my father.

It burns under my skin even when I write it down...

I thought about it so much. I talked with some friends.

I got head aches of thinking "HARD" :) and the result is:

"I am egoistic!"

I know what I am doing but it does not make sense in their eyes and I don't bother myself explaining about it since I believe they don't agree and at the end of the day, I don't care.

Yes that is true. I don't care. I am not happy saying this but it looks like that.

I am living a good life. Right now and just here.

Some exercise for your brain:

This is a famous problem, attributed to Albert Einstein.
There are 5 houses sitting next to each other, each with a different 
color, occupied by 5 guys, each from a different country, 
and with a favorite drink, cigarette, and pet.  Here are the facts:

The British occupies the red house.
The Swedish owns a dog.
The Danish drinks tea.
The green house is on the left of the white house.
The owner of the green house drinks coffee. 
The person who smokes "Pall Mall" owns a bird.
The owner of the yellow house smokes "Dunhill".
The owner of the middle house drinks milk.
The Norwegian occupies the 1st house.
The person who smokes "Blend" lives next door to the person who owns 
a cat.
The person who owns a horse live next door to the person who 
smokes "Dunhill".
The person who smokes "Blue Master" drinks beer.
The German smokes "Prince".
The Norwegian lives next door to the blue house.
The person who smokes "Blend" lives next door to the person who drinks 
water.

The question is: Who owns the fish?

Good luck!

Missing some body is both painfull and beautiful. Which side is heavier, I don't know. What I think is that they always company each other. Pain and Beauty I mean.
And
When I miss him, I miss myself in his presance.
. . .

Today in the morning I had a very nice breakfast with Afshin. Scramble egg with toast bread.

We went to Arosfortet with the new students. It was fun like always. Though I felt a little bit stupid! I could not remember the rooms I had solved before. :)

Then I went to the city with Constance and Sergey from Greec and bought two swimming suits from Stadium, then I fixed my Tele2 contract and we went to Elektra. There we met all the expected and some unexpected friends. Nice to see all of them.

There were 22 people in the cinema and 18 o them were our gang! :)

Then we walked to Calle Pa Spangen and had a nice time fika ing!

:)

I walked home, watched "Great Expectation" the new version with Shahab and Alireza in Shahab's room. Then I fixed my plan for tomorrow to go to the Linea sim skola, Capoeira, Melika and Bjorn, Ice Skating, Bowling and Tango.

Clover was so tired today as the last three days I had met her.

The French girl who lives in Surahammar is very nice and warm, I enjoyed every body's company today. Andreas is very nice.

Jackie was not shy any more, talking to others. Batu and Anna look a little bit closer than before. Maybe something is happening... Who knows?

Hubert asked me about the reason we called the International Presance Exhibition "his", after almost 2 mounth from the time we had the opening! And then he mentione dtaht Nikki had said this project had been the most chaotic one he had participated in,

I think he has been evaluating his activities during last weeks and he has not been happy about it.

I could do nothing making him feel better since I think it was something inside and any insissting from my side could give a negative effect since Hubert is so sensative and smart.

I called Behrang, Elham and Edris. Some calls I had to make and was postponding for a long time.

I did write some paragraphs in my thesis last night. Mostafa is coming tomorrow and Farahnaz's room will no longer be the calm productive place.

Shaghayegh sent me some pictures of the family gathering in her place, I have missed them all.

Life is going on and it feels good to be!

Now I feel like sharing a part of my thoughts we discussed with Clovie yesterday.

These days I am struggling with the idea that it is impossible that we live just once.

Life is far more beautiful, deep and valuable that can be over just by a bullet in the head shot from a gun in the hands of a fool.

Or to be over just by some stupid viruses or a mobile without battery or credit on it...

I think I have lived more than once before this life and I don't belive this is my last life,

At least as I told Clover this is what makes me feel more relax and calm.

There is no way we can do everything, not only everything but niether can we do most of the things we would like to do.

Yesterday I went to school by bus companying the Norwegian lady who slept in my room the night before because she had not got her room from bostad vasteras. I spent almost 4 hours on net, chatting with Shahab and trying to fix some work we had to do together.

Then I went to city with the lady to show her where she could pay her rent and how to find bostad vasteras and ...

It was so funny, I dared to speak Swedish when I was with her.

Then we went to my place by bus again, picked her stuff from my room, called a cab and she went to her own apartment in Vitmaragatan.

after this I walked to school, joined the University tour with Digo and I think I kind of pissed him of because I talked so much and did not let him talk! I am sorry about it. During the tour we went to the silent room and met Catherin, the schools prist, and I heard she said, come and try the silence meditation on Tuesdays noon if you are brave enough and this is my weak point. So I think I am going to do it. She says if we calm down our body then there will be a storm in the brain. I want to experience it.

Then we had the meeting for the Mingle Evening and then we went to Capoeira.

Hard training with Daniel!

Then I waited antill I got the Capoeira show in the school fixed and then walked with Christian to his parents home.

Then I met Clover on her way back from Hulphers helping Cihan with his thesis. we walked downtown talking, she missed her bus and we went to Calle Pa Spangen. got tea and talked.

On the way back to the bus stop we met Tobias!

I told Clover that either we have strange friends wandering in the snowy, empty, cold streets of Vasteras, alone, in the middle of the week or Vasteras is the small home.

Any way, I can follow my heart after Capoeira. It is easy to do so.

I felt like staying outside the training room though I was the first one who got ready wit th clouthes.

I felt like walking with Christian and I felt like taking teh way towards Hulphers and I felt like going again to Downtown with her and ...

Then I found out about something:

People I walk on their right side, are people I tend to support and take care of and those who I walk on their left are those who I think can support me and I feel like I will be safe opening my guards. Cool, ha? :)

Today I am going to be with Fimmi Anna for around 4 hours when Deria is sick and Hubert needs to be in school.

So no IKEA with students and no fika with Nikka! :)

I got a big Birthday presant from my mom today in my account! :)

and well, I have to fix the meeting for the hiking club, the project with Shahab should be finished as soon as possible, Thesis ofcourse, Mingel night and ...

I'd better get to work NOW!

Today I have a post of three parts:

baking, Mathematics, another good day

so which one should I start with?

I start with another good day:

Yesterday was another good day, it was kind of warm here (just -4 to -7) :)

I met some friends in Karen, first time in Karen in 2010 and then I had lunch with Christian in an Italian restaurang where I found an aluminium tread in my food :) and then we worked on Chrsitians booklet untill we felt like they are going to kick us out and then we went back to karen and tried to finish teh booklet before my meeting but as we did not succeed, we went to the IC meeting together and it was a good time to push him a littl ebit to become a fadder and he looked interested, so I met my lovely friends on the meeting, some I had really missed and we planned the introduction week, then I went to cinema with Constane and Jackie and we watched Sherlok Holmes, don't watch it if you have other options :) It was not as bad as Old Dog something that I watched with Elham and Afshin but still why not Hunger instead of these?

Then we went to Strike Bowling place with Constance nd met Christian, Henrik and Kalle there, we continued to Circus and there met some friends too, Yes we live in a village! :)

Then I walked back home while they were still staying.

I ate ice from trees and enjoyed it as always :)

bad for those who don't dare to do it in this slean weather in Sweden. They have to see gray and brown snow to feel how yummy these snows are:)

Now we move to the Math thing:

give a exercise to your brain:

if 2+3=10

7+2=63

6+5=66

8+4=96 then

9+7=?

And the baking thing:

Mix 1/2 tea spoon cinemon with 1 and 1/2 tea spoon Baking Powder, 1/4 tea spoon salt and 300 gr flour

cream 120 gr butter with 250 gr sugar

beat two big or three small eggs well and then add 3 tea spoon vanilla

add 150 cc Creamfresh or 100 cc yoghour to the eggs.

add the butter and suger mixture to the egg mixture

now put the mixer in low speed and add flour mixture, 80 cc milk and butter mixture in three phases.

put it in the prewarmed oven 175 degrees for 50 to 60 minutes.

try to put it in the middle of the oven. :)

You can put a little bit oil or butter in the dish before pouring the mixture in it or you can easily use oily papers underneeth.

So.... taht was it fortoday

enjoy your day wherever you are and whatever you do :)

This is just so good in Persian we will see maybe I translated it or maybe if some one is so interested, google translate, though I accept no responsibilities about the outcome:

:)

وقت شناسی‌ !

در مراسم تودیع پدر پابلو، کشیشی که ۳۰ سال در کلیسای شهر کوچکی خدمت کرده و بازنشسته شده بود، از یکی‌ از سیاستمداران اهل محل برای سخنرانی دعوت شده بود.

در روز موعود، مهمان سیاستمدار تاخیر داشت و بنابرین کشیش تصمیم گرفت کمی‌ برای مستمعین صحبت کند.

پشت میکروفن قرار گرفته و گفت: ۳۰ سال قبل وارد این شهر شدم.

انگار همین دیروز بود.

راستش را بخواهید، اولین کسی‌ که برای اعتراف وارد کلیسا شد، مرا به وحشت انداخت

به دزدی هایش، باج گیری، رشوه خواری، هوس رانی‌، زنا با محارم و هر گناه دیگری که تصور کنید اعتراف کرد.

آن روز فکر کردم که جناب اسقف اعظم مرا به بدترین نقطه زمین فرستاده است ولی‌ با گذشت زمان و آشنایی با بقیه اهل محل دریافتم که در اشتباه بوده‌ام و این شهر مردمی نیک دارد.

در این لحظه سیاستمدار وارد کلیسا شده و از او خواستند که پشت میکروفن قرار گیرد.

در ابتدا از اینکه تاخیر داشت عذر خواهی‌ کرد و سپس گفت که به یاد دارد که زمانیکه پدر پابلو وارد شهر شد، من اولین کسی‌ بود که برای اعتراف مراجعه کردم

نتیجه اخلاقی‌: وقت شناس باشی

Some people are just so important in our lives and we love them but as they are close and reachable we don't see and feel their value untill they get a little bit hard to get a hold of.

Melika and Bjorn moved to another place today.

I cried but I did not let her see it.

She had always been there for me,

with all the messes she was in, she was there with a smile and her smart comments and norm breaking ideas.

And then came Bjorn, with his good heart and kind, gentle attitude.

They cleaned the room and we took a picture in Melika's box under her bed!

I thank you for all your smiles, hugs and good words.

I thank you for your friendship.

And I wish you both the best luck ever!

He left at the begining of october and it took 100 days to rach to this explotion time...

Maybe he is right, who knows?

I was fascinated by some one and I asked a friend's opinion about him/her. This friend of mine is doing nothing but analysing and he just said: "He/She is so selfish and selfcentered."

Maybe that is why I felt so close to him/her.

Bjorn took these pictures from me yesterday. I wanted to have a picture with some friends who are in teh same buidling but all of them were sleeping at 10 in the evening de to some sleeping di orders we all suffer from these days.I like these photos. :)

Thank you min vän...

So today was another BirthDay!

Now it is over and I feel like writing down who called or sent me a message here in my blog.

Farideh, Ebi, Mitra, Maryam, Shahab, Anahita, Ellie, Dag, Rebecca, Shahryar, Giti, Mahya, Ariana, Taraneh, Elham, Yasaman, Shadi, Mohammad, Sally and Lorena called me,

Shaghayegh sent me an ecard,

Armin and Ahmad send me a message on mobile,

Hamed sent me a message on Facebook before I close it permenantly,

Andrea, Bernd, Nina, Mareike and Connie send me a message on StudiVZ,

Clover, Nasrin, Sam, Petr, Josef and Zita sent me an email.

Then Mehrnoosh cought me online and said happy birthday :)

Mariam and Mahya had left me messages online too.

Bjorn and Melika brought me to fika in Punkt and we had a great dinner togther.

Afshin and Baharak bought me a presant yesterday in clous ohlson and gave me a card which it is written: "Har forsokt att ringa..." on it. :)

I received a sweet email from a friend and felt like I want to share it with ones who I thought about on my birthday and I just sent it to them, it turned out to be a list of 125 people. :)

I think Birthday is a day like other days just that we have an excuse to do things that we don't do normally. Like giving presants to ones who we like or writing cards or saying words that we don't see any point to say in other days.

I would love to share two very sweet texts I received from Clover and Zita, I thought alot if I should post it here or not, but I decided taht these are mine now and I can do whatever I want with them.

It is not me and I don't mean saying I am like this, I just want to show how we can be sweet and say good things always but we are so in special occasions like ones Birthday.

:)

and what I want to add is:

1- I am thankful for my life, family and friends.

2- I will come back with a more serious post about birthday later.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Happy Birthday my dearest friend!

Take good care of yourself and be true to your heart in 2010, you are a beautiful person and you make so many of us feel happy and at home.

Skött om dig, och tänk på vad du vill i livet.

Kram kram kram

Clovie

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hi my dear!

Happy Birthday for you!

In my imagination I just go and say it personally.

I miss your closeness.

Hope this birthday will bring you all you want, clear decisions about what to do with who, where to go with who. You are so kind, I think that characteristic of you is not appreciated on its place. Because if we would have more people like you, the world would be a totally different, better place.

I am so glad to know you, and grateful for life that you call me friend.

Love you:

Zita

PS.: The drawing atteched comes with big heart, lots of emotions, small drawing knowledge : )

Why do we not believe the connection between souls?

HE gets sad I feel it but I ignor it or ask... no need for this nor for that.

Now I see taht I was not aware that it was my last post in 2009, but now jag vet att det är första i 2010.

kanske det är bättre om jag skriver på svenska för att nu känner jag till några svenska ord!

fortfarande känner jag mig illa och kunde jag inte konsentrera mig på studera men tänkte jag så mycket om livet och kärlek, om skolan och jobbet, om pengar och bostad, om kropet och själen.

Shahab said that I should become clear with my self instead of being worried about his telephone bill and this it so true. He is right! I am not clear with myself.

I know that once I was clear with myself but I am not sure if it can happen again.

I feel stressed and it makes it worse.

Vahid wrote me some comments. It was sweet. He reads my blog, I did not know.

And Baharak. She is leaving Sweden tomorrow. She is one of those "khosh'hal" poeple. There are so many people who critisize ones like Baharak but I am not sure if we should not be so.

I took some pictures from her just by her own camera and I am happy with some of them.

I think I will uppload some here.

Today Sepideh had made "NAZRI" and we ate it "DORE HAM".

And I deactivated my Facebook. :)
I feel even better taht the time I stopped using it.

Today I was so down,

I was full of missings. There are some certain people, places, feelings, smells, tastes, sounds I am missing.

I watched at Capoeira movies on youtube for about three hours. I talked with Shahab online, Edris Called me, Tahereh Called me, Firouzeh Called me, Rebecca sent me a message Elham called me and I sent a message to Christian. I had lunch with Melika and asked Arash if he is always high!

I went to the library and gave a book Melika wanted to return and picked a book I had asked them to buy and reserved it!

Nobody, Nowhere from Donna Williams.

On teh way back from teh library, I went to the apotek and bought some Vitamin C and Magnesium pills.

Yesterday it was -19 degrees in Västerås but sun was shining and we did not want to miss it, on the other hand I had two guests from France via Couch Surfing and I wanted to be with them and show them around so after they had breakfast with Anoine's home made jam, we started walking to Björnö. it was soooooooo cold. we went by the harbour and took som pictures. It payed all the tiredness off when they were so excited standing, walking, running and then jumping on the frozen lake for the first time. They were playing frizby (?) on teh lake and in the snow...

It was fun to watch.

they digged the snow on teh frozen lake to see the ice and become sure they are standing on ICE.

We had lunch with Farahnaz and Mostafa and in teh evening Ebi and Farideh came with some food from Saleh's restaurang.

I am not sure if I should go to Johan and Silvia for the new years eve. (tomorrow night to be precise) or should I go to Ritta and Anton or should I simply stay at home.

I need some calm moments being with Mahgol.

People have started fireworks already from tonight, I can hear then and see them from my big window.

There is apicture of the french kid, excited on Mälaren!

p.s. I am so excited about the book. I want to make a tea, sit in my bed and read the book.

I am a person who needs to make extreme decisions in order to be able to keep them...

I am thinking of some good steps in my life that should be taken or should have been taken long a go...

I will start with them during the holidays and will continue for the new year.

It is good excuse ro revise.

Alcohol and red meet are among tose to avoid even more than before.

There might be some more to be shared here and some to be kept for myself.

I defenately miss some parts f the old Mahgol. I will build a better one.

Today was a long day and I am so tired but I am happy.

I will have some days just sitting and reading and writing, playing Berimbau and dealing ith my sick toe.

I am writing in the notebook I recieved from Clover as a presant. I enjoy it a lot! I am oldfashioned , I know it and I like it.

I hope Coop xra is open tomorrow. I have to go and buy bread for Melika and Bjorn, We ate their bread without teling them this morning and forgot to buy them new ones. They will have no breakfast, it would be very embaressing.

Please be open dear Coop Extra.

Good night from Me and Mushi! the Cat who is sleeping easy minded on my bed deside the armed Berimbau.

Today I had a look on Christian's Favorite musics he introduced in his profile.

Some of them are really good.

I don't know, me and music, sounds like a very bad and strange combination. I think to my self, there has been told much of those I struggle to say and it can really help to liten to music as it can help to read books or talk to people or watch movies and I always missed it.

The fact is that I get too involved in anything so they put great influences on me.

I was thinking and wrote about Lode yesterday and he called me with his Dutch number and I got so surprised but as always I missed the call I was not expecting but could make me so happy.

I am thinking abd believing other lives we had before coming to this world more and more as time passes. I want to get them serious. There are just a few people who I feel strongly connected to and I find no reason for it and maybe I am fooling myself but the only thing can be possible bonding we had in other lives....

I am going to take it a little bit more serious but keep the balance not to fall from the other side as Shahab tells me always and ofcourse my mom used to say too.

Burak and Constance are leaving, Edris is coming to visit and Elham is already here. I sent the task we had to send to Håkan 5 days ago.

I am sich and I prefere to stay at home but I have to return some books to library and they are already one day late... and I have to see Constane and Burak and hug them for the last time in 2009.

We got the answer from Migrationsverket. Our case got rejected. We should try another way.

I thought of borrowing a Berimbau from the group and Daniel said it is not a problem, the only thing is taht I have to try to get him to the city so that he can open the door and I can get one, or I can ask Christian to do it, he lives closer to the training place.

Any way, things to do, still Magnus and Anna Carin and Anna ANARCHY have not recieved my uppsats and it is not bra!

snow sitting at my wwindow and no clover in the other side of the city, with a distance of 20 SEK.

The first part is just going to be written because I donät want some thing else sitting on my chest or shouldder or any other place as a "to be finished soon" thing.

About the story from Swedish literature:

Some people wit religious background said:

"One can think so that the father and daughter both had a very good ending just like jesus! Now they can live together for ever happily..."

Some more rational ones like Burak said:

"I think the metaphoric resimbplance here is that, thei daughter took those steps down to death as she decided to stay each and everytime his father petended to be sick and needing her though maybe at the back of her heart she knew they were not real untill at the end they got trapped with the real sicknesses and problem taht was out of their hands finally."

It looked like a big group of students agreed with Burak after thinking an getting completely what he ment and it included me and Clover as well.

I thought about it so much and I can see simmilar situations in my pwn life and in Shahab's life.

It looks like some times we make some decisions with not being clear with ourselves at the moment though later we can find good excuses for them or even at the moment trying to convience ourselves with reason taht might be good enough fo rthe whole world but deep inside we don't believe in them and then I can say taht it always gets you some where in a similar situation where you really can find no way escaping...

I enjoyed this variety of interpretations. there were some other suggestions that apparently were result of that the suggestion giver was eighther not have been thinking about the subject or not read the story completely that does not worth mentioning. (Now here, Clover is laughing and Burak might be saying, you know Mahgol? I like you when you are really straight forward) :)

And now the second part which is the reason I logged in...

I want to write about inside:

I feel like a woman!

Yesterday I wanted to be mom...

Hormons? Maybe!

Age? Maybe!

Weather? No! not this one!

I feel far from Mahgol. She is not being considered by me. Me old one has become just like a memory AGAIN!

Why do I say again? sure I will explain. garna!

I have had this feeling before. I feel like I even don't know the old Mahgol.I can look at her in my mind and it feels like looking at completely different person who I rarely know and understand.

Today I went to training room by mistake! there was no training! Language problem? Maybe they said it in Swedish but I did not get it and I was quite sure I heard some body said: Ses pa Sondag! any way.. then I tried to go to Constane and give her what I had bought here but she did not answer my message and has not done it yet after 8 hours, then i went and visited a middle age lady I know living in the city. We had tea and she showed me all the pictures she had and now I know whole her family. I got surprised by my patience with her though I had a hard headache and I just thought about the old times I used to spend a lot of time with mormor or farmor... I like old people. I think I understand them.

I feel like I can do something with my life but I have the feeling taht this something is so much far from where I am now or where I am heading to... I even have not started to get an idea were it ca be,,, but no wait a moment, I am sure I should work in a way taht at the end it helps others, I think that is the only thing taht can make me keep ging on.

A lot of things is my mind, in my painful head...

Did Lode come and go already?

When is Marta leaving to S. Africa?

What is barnkalas taht Christian was going to today? I know knitkalas but barnkalas?

:)

I bought the presants I wanted to give to two couples I know and have got baby recently but It looks like I can never do it since they were not home this week and my phone stopped working properly when I was trying to set a time with them.

I am eager what is Clover doing in S.B and I wonder if my aunt got disappointed taht I did not accept her invitation for going to Cannes.

And Sam...

Soon it is his birthday and I don't want to forget it but anyway I have no adress to send a card or no number to call.

va amma eshgh...

Today was a day of thinking about Shahab, listening to Siavash Ghomeishi and getting up and down by different clear memories taht are popping up and injecting strong feeling of memories in my heart...

I have to finish a lot of things I have started but life is a simple hard puzzle.

I got an emai about a couple getting married 5 days before the girl dies of Cancer...

I don't know who to admire. but the thing is taht it is beautiful and so much like the LIFE I can imagine. the so much NOW identity of it mixed with a great flavour of LOVE...

God I feel good with these people.

and this is my laptop background now.