When I decided to get out of Iran, one of the ideas was that I felt trapped in Iran, with closed boundaries and district rules for Iranians who apply for other countries visa. I love to move. I love to have to ability of going from one place to another place. I can live on this aim of getting financially and internationally able of doing it.

I got United Sates of America's visa. I am now in San Francisco.The city is one of the most beautiful places in the world. Golden gate bridge and all other land marks in the county.

I got the news the second day in USA. A friend called me. "What's up Vaheed?", I had recieved an email from him which was sent four days ago but I did not have access to internet. "Nothing dear, I sent the email on the day Shahab's father died, now it ...", I could not hear the rest. what was he talking about? I talked with Shahab yesterday and he told me nothing about it. I told him about the dream I had about his father and asked him about the sorrow in his voice, but he said. "Nothing darling, nothing to worry. Enjoy yourself. Safe trip.". I hardly finished the conversation with Vaheed and got out of the club.

We were in a club in Pacific heights. It was a persian party with two Iranian DJs. I came out and stood beside all smokers and could not help myself, not crying. I cried behind a tree, facing the pavement in Van Ness Ave.. I felt so trapped. I have no enough money to go back. I even can not afford calling my darling and talking to him. I am trapped in heaven. That is what a friend called it when she heard of my visa issuance.

Yes! we can be trapped in heaven. It depends on your mood. It depends on your demands. It depends all on you.I was happy in hell and now suffering in heaven. What the hell is going on?