loop

jag älskar dig, nu har jag varit kär i dig i fem månader och tolv dagar.

jag vill bara sitta här, framför dig

titta i de vackra, snälla, trötta ögon dina

hålla din högra hand i min vänstra hand,

pussa dig på pannan,

klappa ditt ansikte försiktigt med min högra hand,

och tala om för dig att

jag älskar dig, nu har jag ...

djupare och djupare, godare och ännu godare

För varenda dag blir jag mer och mer kär i dig,
kär i mig som är kär i dig,
att se dig,
höra din röst,
känna din närvara,
                           gör att min själ blir större och lättare,
                             börjar flyta runt och glittrar som solstrålar.
                               mitt hjärta blir alldeles genomskinlig och expanderar tills jag själv ser inte vart det tar slut.
                                Jag visste inte ens att min själ kan le, jag visste inte att den kan sjunga!

Det skapas en paradox emellan jag och min verklighet.
vilken är jag och vilken är jag utan din kärlek?

Euforia!

I love you and I love it

I love it that I love you
No matter where you are, what you do, I will love you.
Do you feel the love coming from me to you?
I am sure you do. Do you think as much as I do about what should I do with this much love or are you used to it?
This is exactly the type of problem I like to deal with. There is no easy answer to it.
It is a complex problem. Several aspects of each possible scenario.
And no rush to solve it. It can be there in the back of my head during the days and it crowls from in my head and stops me from sleeping. It is very pleasant to be in love. for me at least. 

lost in your look

when I think of you,
I see your eyes,
they are, clear and sharp with a pleasant tease in them.
You and your eyes, your arms, your voice and your beautiful smile starts a warm sweet flow of sparkles in my head and chest.
I know I never had you and will never have you but I still truely love you. 

Life goes on and so does love...

What is it? How should I explain it?
a feeling of pressure in the chest,
a mental obsession, always there in the mind,
urge to get lost in your eyes,
urge to tell things to you while I look at you, silently in my own head,
seeking closeness,
I want you to keep my hands,
I want you to hug me and let me stay there until I want to come out and even then, look at me and hug me again...
I know my lips then will seek your skin and then later maybe your lips...
where is the line between love and lust?

miss you like hell

Right now, right here, I miss you like hell.
However I don't know what would I have said to you if you were here but if I could just have you around for a couple of minutes I would have felt much better.
I am happy you are happy that is the best part of it.

I am finding new ways to charge myself

It feels like moving to Gothenburg was not that stupid after all.
I am finding new ways in being a better me!
- expanding my heart and filling it with love
- sleeping less
- eating less
- training more often even very short passes
- watching Capoeira movies
- having beautiful fantasies
- doing things my own way
- daring to do mistake
- surprising others
- challenging myself
- pushing my phisical and mental limits
- listening to new music
- going to new places

Power of Love

I felt like having a crush on you...
at first I got scared and of course very surprised! It was looooooong ago that I felt like that,
but then I noticed that deep inside I needed it so much to feel alive.
Instead of killing it or ignoring it and avoiding you, I focused on it. embraced it and appriciated it. I empowered it and let it grow...
It grew from a crush to love. It is a pitty that the word "love" is so discriminated and missused that it kind of makes a feeling of shame if you think about it specially if it is a married woman who falls in love with a married man!
But I seriousely think that is wrong. It is just another kind of love. not the kind which you find in Hollywood.
They say "I love you" to each other and then kiss and have sex and depending on their relationship outside this relationship feel guilty or happy about it.
This love is the love Rumi talks about, Khayam talks about and Hafiz talks about.
The love that gives you wings to fly.
It expands ones heart.
It paved a beautiful path for me to get connected back to myself.
I found Mahgol through the great love I grew to you from a crush sparkle.
Thank you for being who you are.
It is not rediculous to thank one for being who he/she is after all because some part is made by the family, school and society but the huge part of it is made by ourselves.
So good job! You have made a wonderful human of your beutiful self.
Love you and will be thankful for ever.

Listen to your heart there's nothing else you can do, (Roxette)

You are just too good to be true!

It sometimes scares me how good you are and how much I love you, what is in your dark side?

Do I need to know? or I just continue loving your bright side?

Being in love and keep being HERE and NOW is hard but pleasant...

It made me fly of joy, this noon, when putting my feet in the sun, looking at them and feeling 

         the same sun is shining on your skin,

                                  at the same exakt moment,
                                         somewhere on the same exact planet: 

                                                                                                 "Earth"

I love you from here to the moon and back!

You are like an angel, sent directly from heaven, with the mission of making me happy, proud, motivated and relaxed, feeling being appriciated and seen as the smart, strong, beautiful woman which I am.  

Thank you for being!

Am I really like the ones who make me angry?

I will calm down probably if I just take some deep breathes. but I kind of enjoy the energy it gives me (and takes from me) to be angry!

Am I really like the one who is frustrating me? Is there something in him/her which reminds me of myself? my own shortages? my desires? my dreams?

It makes me even more angry when I think about it like this...

We will see.

I think I miss myself a lot! 

To be in love

I feel deeply in love.

It is a warm feeling which squeezes my chest !

I have the urge to think about the love itself,

is it an attraction?
definately!

is it a feeling of wanting to have?
not at all!

is it a feeling of wanting all the good things for the other?
absolutely!

When one gets married, do we really mean to limit ourselves to just love one and only one for the rest of our lives?

I seriousely doubt it.

There should be a better explanation.

kär igen

به جهان خرم از آنم که جهان خرم از اوست
عاشقم بر همه عالم که همه عالم از اوست


I am merry with the one with Whom the world is merry 
I am in love with the whole universe 'cause the whole universe is from Him


Jag är kär... igen... och det ger mycket energi. 
Det är så gott att kunna spendera tid med den man älskar... 
titta på, lyssna på rösten och ibland känna värmen av kroppen genom att få eller ge en kram eller klappa på axeln...

Frågan är om den man är kär i måste veta om det... jag menar, måste jag berätta för hen att jag är kär?

grejen är att hos mig finns inga sexuella ambitioner. det är bara så gott att vara nära, lyssna på, titta på, göra saker tillsammans och skratta tillsammans... inga sexuella drömmar eller inga sug efter att ha hen... bara så gott med att umgås med en smart och rolig och enkel människa som är sig själv...

Jag vet inte om jag kommer att berätta för hen att jag är eller någon ha rvarit kär i hen... 

jag är kär i en enda människa just nu och det ger otroligt mycket energi och kraft. Tänk om man verkligen kunde öppna sitt hjärta och hjärna och bli kär i hela världen eftersom hela världen är en reflektion av Gud!

I am so blessed to be a mom

Dear God thank you very much for the greatest blessing in my life.
I am a mother. Schayan has shed light on Shahab and my life with his presence.
I know that we do not own him. He belongs to God and we just are blessed to serve him and nurse him and grow him. I am thankful for each and every second.

Dagens Reflektion ---> Dag 0

Förra veckan gick jag en kurs, modul 1 av en kurs som betår av fyra modular. Egentligen skulle jag vilja säga att jag påbörjade en process och inte gick bara en kurs...

Kursen heter "Vinnande ledarskap" eller "Leadership Excellence" på engelska, läraren heter Michael Södermalm och jag fick en Metal Coach som heter J. Ivarsson. Skriver inte hans förnamn eftersom jag vet inte om han vill bli nämnt på min blogg eller inte.

Vi fick lyssna på Mickes intressanta historier som innehöll budskap som hade att göra med kursinnehållet. vi fick även skriva ner var sin Master Plan som skulle hjälpa oss att kunna leda oss själva som är egentligen första steget i ledarskap enligt Micke.

Jag skulle vilja dela min Master Plan här och följa upp den även här genom mina dagliga reflektioner som blir blogginlägg i sin tur.

Mahgols Master Plan

1- Ta 30 days of challenge på allvar dvs "Jag får inte prata skit om mig själv eller någon annan på mitt jobb eller privat, jag får helst inte ens tänka negativa tankar men det är handlingen som räknas"

2- Sluta med socker helt (mån-fre)

3- Skriva ner dagens reflektion varje dag innan jag lägger mig

4- Träna oftare, börja med mnst en gång per vecka och utöka till 3 ggr/v

5- Göra "älska mig naken framför spegel" övningen minst 10 gånger tills modul 2 i april.

Jag önskar mig själv lycka till. 

:)

new old picture

The office is getting a new life after summer.

It was so depressing without all the colleagues. I think places which are used to be full of people are kinda scary when they are empty, like empty schools, empty streets and empty offices.

I was looking through my old pictures and found a happy Mahgol from one of our cold sunny hikings in Sweden.

I think I want to change my profile picture at work to this one, the one I have right now is very professional but cold, a bit far from what I would like to be interpreted as.

two similar movies

last weekend we have been watching two movies which turned to be very similar. one is called Hanna and the other was called Divergent. both of them are about abnormal girls and both movies started very nice and intresting but later it was akind of slow and started to feel like Vampire or any other kind of teenager movies. Good looking guys and nice action but I got disappointed by the fact that every thing went well at the end ... but amusing movies absolutely!
Now it is a lot of rain and we are happy because this will help against the fire in the woods in north of Västerås.

hiking in Norway

This was long ago since I wrote here and long ago since this picture was taken. But it reminds me of such a nice feeling, on the way to TrollTunga in Norway with a good group of people.
And I just decided to crop it and use it as my profile picture at Volvo network and then I needed to upload it somewhere and then I thought where is better than my blog?
So here you go:

and there is a smaller version just for Volvo.

Vinter i Sverige

Well, I can say that there has been a lot of movies recently. This blog does not have so many followers but it feels like a log book of my life which I can go back after a while and refresh old memories, things that look important here but after some weeks, months or years I even do not remember them.
such as the problems we got while they were changing our cupboards in the room and the wonderings we have about the month we are going to live without bathroom and kitchen in our apartment. I mean how hard can it be? There will still be warm rooms and electricity and our privacy between 17:00 and 7:00.
I think I am spoiled, this is needed to remind me of how good our situation is with safe home and good food, health and enough money.
Thank you God
for everything you have given us and all you have not.
Thank you for all we did not have you gave us afterwards and those we had and you got them back.
Help us to become better people. Our challenges are no more challenges of food and safety, none of survival kimd but mostly internal challenges facing ourselves and our weaknesses.
The plans I was talking about in the post from Vinter 2013 was:
finishing the thesis
loosing weight
and waking up early

I have achieved none of them and there is no real reason rather than the fact that I am lazy.
There is still hope to finish the thesis by this Wednesday and the weight project which has been on for the last 20 years is still on.
waking up early has been achieved with help of smaller dinner and the workers who start working with renovation at 6 in the morning...

Another Earth

I still have not posted any follow up on the post which I wrote almost one year a go announcing some challenges in my life. I will do it in January. I promise. but for now I want to do something I have been wanting to do for many years. writing about the movies we watch and the last one was last night:
Another Earth

Well, I rated it 5 afterwards in IMDB but it has got 6.6 from others so maybe it just was not my type. I guessed the ending in the minute 20 of the movie and it was qute diappointing when it turned out to be so. :)
Shahab has downloaded some other good movies which I will write about when we have watched it.
Besr Regards
Mahgol on the train to Göteborg

glädje

VÅRA nya glädje:

- Det finns plats för en hel vitkål i VÅRT kylskåp!
- All disk som VI diskar hålls rena tills VI använder de igen!
- VI har frukost i våra pyjamas!
- Vi har VÅRA bilder på kylskåpet.
- Badkar!
- Vår balkong!

Tack för allt.