My dear old dearest!
You told me that you wanted to get shallow
and you did!
You told me that you didn't want to think any more
and you absolutely did!

YOU LOST ME

but you forgot that
You told me that you wanted to get shallow and you did
And you wanted to stop thinking
and you did!

"I read your previous posts and I think you've got reborn"
that is what you said
and
I forgot to say:
"It should happen more often!"

Maybe life is the time,
you look back,
your father is not holding the back of your bike any more,
he is smiling at you,
you have been cycling on your own,
for a quite far distance and all
at once
just without any reason:
You fall!

I think I found it out!
I have experienced so many loosings and I am so afraid of it that I try not to have in order not to loose!
That is why I love you.
There is no way I have you so I am sure and easy minded that I can not loose you!
:)
Happy and secure, I enjoy it so much.

I closed my eyes,
enjoying the sun,
reached your arm
and rested my hand safely in your just bent elbow.

VISST!

I got a deep breath,
a big smile on my face
and started to walk surely beside you.

I could hear more birds,
seagulls, jackdaws, ravens and sparrows.

I could smell your perfume and the sludges in the harbor.

I could feel small insects hitting my body, spider webs touching my face or the pleasant breeze going through my hair.

Coldness of shadows made by trees or buildings on my skin.

such a tender, delicate World!

And if there was a step or a slope:
a gentle tap on my hand resting in your elbow.

SLOW DANCE

Have you ever watched kids
On a merry-go-round?
Or listened to the rain
Slapping on the ground?


Ever followed a butterfly's erratic flight?
Or gazed at the sun into the fading night?

You better slow down.
Don't dance so fast.
Time is short.
The music won't last

Do you run through each day
On the fly?
When you ask How are you?
Do you hear the reply?

When the day is done
Do you lie in your bed
With the next hundred chores
Running through your head?

You'd better slow down
Don't dance so fast.
Time is short.
The music won't last.

Ever told your child,
We'll do it tomorrow?
And in your haste,
Not see his sorrow?

Ever lost touch,
Let a good friendship die
Cause you never had time
To call and say, 'Hi'?

You'd better slow down.
Don't dance so fast.
Time is short.
The music won'tlast.

When you run so fast
to get somewhere
You miss half the fun of
getting there.

When you worry and hurry
through your day,
It is like an unopenedgift......
Thrown away.

Life is not a race.
Do take it slower
Hear the music
Before the song is over.

unfortunately I don't know who has written it

OK! OK! OK!
I can not explain it! so what?
I just enjoy my time standing and walking beside you and looking at you and listening to you.
It is not sexual and it can not get sexual but it is something new and so interesting!
I love it.
I am happy to experience it!
Just like this: :-D

You are just like an addiction:
A sweet and pleasant one!

I can feel the flow of calmness and happiness from you to me, the strong gentle flow that fills my heart when I see you and your sweet smile.

The only word that can describe my status after leaving you is “trance”!

Tonight!
This very moment!
This very place!
Here I am with you!
We go on, till one finishes the other.
You and your smell.
You and your taste.
You and your trance.
You...

Either you like it or not,
I love you, I miss you, I dream about you....

This morning,
Somewhere between the awakes' world and sleepings', I touched your arm under the blue stripped shirt you have.
I could smell you,
The hardness of your muscles and your kind smile.
I could feel the love in the room.

How does it work with "missing" somebody?

Who are then ones that we miss them and

why do we miss them?

Should we tell them when we miss them?

I don't know the answers to these questions exactly but I think:

There is a characteristic in any relationship and there is something flowing between two individuals when they have any kind of relationship.

Whenever you need what you get from a special human link, then you miss the one who you find it with him or her.

And I think "YES", it is very important that you let others know if they are important for you or you miss them. And more important is that I think it does not matter how they interpret it but it matters how you interpret it honestly with yourself.

If you consider it complicated it becomes complicated but if you take it easy it goes easy.

Love and Peace to You!

It has been a while I was not so happy and calm.
It might sound strange to you but I am spending the most relaxing-stressing time of my life.
There are many people who I like to spend time with them.
there are couple of them who I really love!
I mean, I enjoy just being where they are. I enjoy seeing them smile or listen to their voice and I let my self go.
I just try to love and get love and find it something like LIFE!
I am exploring some abilities of my body taht I did not have any idea about them at all.
I am happy that is what I can say.

There is somewhere in my chest, little bit to the left.
It becomes hard or painful or squeezing or... I don't know how to explain it, whenever I miss some one or some where or some thing.
It happens when I want some thing and I know that it is not possibe any more.
It happens when I think of my youngest uncle or my grandmother or my kompis who left me last year.
It can happen when I call a family to say: "Happy new year" and they don't pick up and there is no answering machine!
It can happen when I call a friend to ask if I can help for the party I am invited to next day and I hear people saying goodbye and I find out about my mistake in the date of the party.
It can happen when I leave my camera in a taxi on the way to the airport in Poznan.
It can happen when I can not find my mobile in my pocket, nor in my backpack and not even under loads of snow the day after!
It can happen when I enter the house and I smell my fathers perfume who just left for a week trip and I wanted to say goodbye to him before he leaves.
It can happen when I saw an empty bed, abondoned, where an aziz used to lie on but not any more.
It might look sad, the text I have written. But it is not.
It is just deep inside.
Love
Happy Norouz
signiture: MahGol

What do you think?
Should one fall in love just with one person at a time?
Should all the loves end in sex?
Is it a big deal to fall in love with your gay boy friend if you are a girl?
If it is not love what is it that you just enjoy sitting near him and smiling to his face?
Is there any wrong love?
Should you stop yourself from loving or should we love as much as we can?

I sit with my back to the window so that I don't see the snow outside.
It has become so long this year.
I want sun on my skin.

Is it a big sin to miss you?

In this cold night, I've miss your hands, your shoulder and the special boom tuk of your kind heart.

I've missed your eyes, your smile and your voice.

There is no complain.

I love you even more than before and it is none of your business.
It is all on my own as it has always been.

Don't worry my dear.
You live your life and I do mine.
No responsibility as you wished!
Lots of missings as I wished!

Did it ring? Am I late?
Why is it so bright everywhere? Is it noon? Is it morning? Is it moonlight? Or is it just the lights in the street?
There is no way you can get the time by looking out in this cursed land.
Why am I all wet?
Is it that warm here?
was it a bad dream?
.
.
.
absolutely no clue...
I should wake up, but I am already awake. I am tired. It feels like I have not closed my eyes even for a moment.
I am such an asshole. I am wasted. I am broken. I even don't have enough energy to come out of this fucking bed.
Maybe it is better to stay and spoil between these cheap IKEA sheets, after days and nights that don't differ that much.
It has been so long I have been crowling in the bed...
It might be already noon.
.
.
.
Oh shit! It just started ringing.
I press the snooze button and try to look at the digital clock on my slim, red mobile with my burning eyes that I can hardly open them.
It is 8...
I have wasted at least two hours that I could sleep easily.
I will have my class in one hour.
I have to take a shower. I smell like shit.
.
.
.
two hours later I am still sitting on my bed.
looking at my feet or fingers or squeezing some pimples on my arms . . .
I lost my morning class.
I am so thirsty. I don't have the energy to go to the kitchen and take a glass of water.
what day is it today?
.
.
.
I lie in the bed and curse my self.
I hate this lazy creature.

It is so freezing here.
I don't dare to go out.
I feel like freezing on the way home.
Actually it is not that cold when you measure it with a termometer. But I feel cold.
I feel so lonely.
Far from where I should be.
Far from who I want to be with.
and the worst part is that this distance can not be reduced easily.
It is not just Phisycal!

When I meet a good person, I mean a real good one! who does not harm people but also helps, I feel like shit!
I miss my old version.
I like to be less and less complicated just like this, as I am.
But these habbits that we are trapped in them.
These ropes of "others"!
I think gradually I have started to know what I want and what I don't.
It needs so much effort to live the way you want not the way you are expected to.
I am trying to do my best :)

As time passes I feel more and more like, I am so simple.
It is easy to predict me.
I am just a girl like others.

With the same weeknesses and strenghts.

Though improvement has been my intention as long as I remember,
But
There has been no more improvements that the ones whose intention has been other things.

Life goes and we go as a small part of it.
I am suffering and I value it so much.
I will be stronger as a consequence of this suffering!
but for what?
I tell you.
for more sufferings :)
That is my life.