The lamps at the back of the student union in the parking place shake behind a layer of tears...

I miss your eyes

I miss your voice

I miss your smile

I miss your arms

I miss your being

I want to be close to you.

I want to talk to you.

Sun is shining but it hurts, you are not here to enjoy with me.

Trees are blossoming and it seems so short since when you come back there are just old leaves left.

People smile and try to get me smile; they don't know it is lost somewhere in the last Saturday on the way to Stockholm.

But I am not deeply sad, I know there are springs and summers coming in which we will be together, side by side and hand in had celebrate the nature waking up.

This room it too quite without you and so is my heart.

Hon är på väg till ett nytt liv.

Jag kommer o sakna henne...

det var roligt o se henne minst en gång i veckan de senaste veckorna.

Det blev så att jag trodde inte att hon skulle flytta på riktigt tills imorse, när jag såg henne som gick mot stationen med en ryggsak och en stor väska...

Nu är hon klar här med Vås.

Ditt liv är som en dröm. Du får njuta så mycket som möjligt doost e khoob e man!

Yours Sincerely

Divooneh

I have always told you that white suits you my sweetheart,

What do you find more than Snow in this land?

.

.

.

How joyful can it be to look at your love, sleeping in peace

with a light smile on his face...

.

.

.

God! Thank you thousand thousand times!

WoW, It has been long ago I wrote here...

I have some short important news to give you...

11th of December, our waitings ended after 3 years... No wait, 8 years since we decided to live together...

Shahab came here.

18th of December we went to an Iranian party and had a good time together.

24th at the Christmas evening we went to Anton and Margaryta with Zarina and enjoyed ourselves as always.

And then: Happy New Year! :)

The first New Year with my sweetheart beside me, looking at the fire works with Constance, Melika and Bjorn at the Västerås city ringen.

4th of Jan was my Birthday and we had a fika with Bijan, Soudabeh, Sepideh, Melika and Bjorn.

Shahab has started learning Swedish. He is repeating the numbers while writing his home works.

It looks like Shahab like my friends and they like him as well. I hope he does not feel himself alone far from his gang in Iran.

I thank God every second... It feels like I have the kindest creature here by my side.

Life is even more colorful...

I will be writing more about the new feelings soon.

Untill then as Ofakin says: stay blessed

p.s. I think about you my little Nomin when ever I write a new post. Hej på dig!

If you stand at a corner of the street or just near the entrance of your building, (if you don't have a big lamp there), and look at the sky, watch the birds, smell the flowers, eat snow or just take some deep breath you will be considered as crazy and weird

BUT

as soon as they see a light between your fingers, you have a very good excuse:

You are just smoking!

we humans are strange!

Hej...
Here I am sitting at Janes, sorry Batus desk with a nice view of snow from the window, enjoying my tea with a bite of Tobrelone. The last two days has been busy in Lidl. 18 hours of work in two working days. But the pauses I take with tea in my hand and biscuit/chocolate thingy in my pocket looking at the snow and cars sliding on icy ways has been so relaxing.
I am working on Incubators again. It sounds still interesting. Maybe I should have never stopped working on them. This topic has been in the back of my mind for the last two years.
Back to work
Love and Peace to you and me
p.s. picture from womans health

It smells like flower in my room.

My mom is sleeping on my bed.

It feels so amazing having her here.

She is just calmness and strenght and it just flows in me when she is beside me.

I don't know if all parents are the same, but I can say it about mine.

It has been so wonderful the last 8 days with her. it has gone so fast...

She will leave Sweden tomorrow . . .

And I will be alone here again. Life will be the same as past.

We are going to watch a ballet show in Stockholm and visit Firouzeh in Täby.

I got a fixed number so that my family can call me easier and with a more rational price.

Lets hope that the weather is good today in Stockholm...

Aha one more news, I am not a fadder any more.

Not an official one, nut I will try to help new students as much as I can.

Love and Peace to you and my mom and my family...

Sooooo

It has been long ago since I wrote.

Finally a calm vening followed by a good sleep and waking up by Expert's call about comhem abonemang and a morning of watching some dokumentärs and sience programmes.

Later todaz I will swim and work and make a good dinner for myself.

I t is amazing how we get higher performance when there is more demand from life. I think I should be always asked or expected to do something not to get lazy and be productive.

The exam was not like those old time exams that I was 100 percent sure about all teh eanswers but with help of Neda jag klarade mig.

Momi is coming here to visit me and I am soooo happy about it. I have already started planning her stay and contacted my friends who I wish her to visit them or they want to meet her.

It is cold outside but to keep in warm inside does not have anything to do with temperaturen!

Love and peace to you all and to myself

It got cold and I felt so deeply alone,

again.

.

.

.

"friend", "old friend", "good friend",

shined like a star in my dark night.

.

.

.

I called your name,

you turned and looked at me. . .

There was nothing in your kind eyes.

No doubt,

you are friend,

you are old friend,

you are good friend.

but,

It is another down like the other downs, which I rolled or climbed or just fell on my own.

I do it again and again. The call I mean and the hope and disappointment which follows with no hesitation.

It is not supposed to be any company in these ups and downs.

It is life and it is my life.

He who is chasing me with his eyes all the time is sitting just over there feeling the same probably as I do about the one.

I hear his voice and there is a big sorrow in my heart that makes my eyes wet.

No single day has passed without thinking about him and wishing to see him.

How is it possible that I pick his voice among so many people talking and shouting in so many different languages.

It is so cold here.

Life is strange and so is love...

Soon I will be off to France.

I can not stop waiting to see and hug my mom. God I have missed her.

It is also a great pleassure to meet my aunts and cousines.

The Norway trip was amazingly good! Though I twised my ankle and it still hurts.

There was another Stochastical Proccess test and I think I wrote this one correct too but we will see if I face the red "not solved" sign from dear Anatoly.

I still feel good about sharing with Jane and it is a little bit tight with Constance but it is so good to have her around specially when she is so tidy and clean though I would never guess! :)

Next trip Croacia!

Looks like a perfect place to go in April. Hopefully, Czech guys will follow too. Maybe Sam can come as well. would be perfect. By that time Shahab must be here too.

From travel mates to Norway I got to know Walter and Bruno more and I really like them.

Okej I dont feel like writing more. Lets keep more for later.

Love and hope to all

It has been long go since I wrote. I have not written since I moved to my new place.

This is a new experience, sharing with a friend.

I think itwould be hard if Jane was not so nice and flexible and easygoing.

I enjoy everymoment of it.

I am regreting why did I not do it sooner.

I always believed that we are herd animals or in nicer words, we need company, maybe that is why deppression is so huge! People are getting mroe and more egoistic and "needing thei own space!".

Why don't poor people living in a small house with several other families get deppressed? :)

Anyways.

Life is getting mroe and more on its track!

After the first test, the first hiking and the visa which got issued finally.

Melika is back and Constance will be soon.

Clover has things is control and I am eating in a good routine after three years of eating garbage!

Thanks to Jane!

This semester my ears miss Capoeira live music my shoulders miss tapps from capoeiristas in trainings and my palms miss high fives from Jens and others.

My eyes miss their eyes locked on mine in Roda.

I miss the training pains in my muscles and the restlessness after hard trainings.

Tango is cancelled too.

It feels much more like an ordinary "LIFE"!

Sacrificing what you like for other things you like to have in future.

The room is basically furnished from what others did not need anymore and presants I have received.

If you are curious about life at Lidl! I should say that as always it is so much dependant on people for me!

If Anders is happy, Marcus is smiling, Edgar is joking or Pernilla's eyes shine, Stefan's eyes don't have bags under them, I am happy. Anna is away to Thailand, Patrik is sick after the vacation he got and Linus is too new to be ble to say something about him.

but he is so friendly and sweet as well.

I try to be honest and friendly. It is hard with the language. Maybe on of the sweetest times at work is when you work in the shop to make it tidy and get rid of the extra packages then you have some time to talk with each other or when you work in the storage room or count the cashier but even then, I am too tired to kepp up with Swedish and they are too tired to talk in English.

Anyway it is like always I look in them and see kids! Playful and happy.

i specially like Anders so much. I think he is a very good human being. He should be very playful in his world. I don't know how I came to this conclusion so don't ask! :)

I have heard from several people that Swedes look nice but they talk behind your back alot and kind of ruin your reputation but I am not even worried about it because I just don't believe in that being worried helps. I am just myself and the worst taht can happen is loosing a job but I hope I can keep friends and be a good person.

The governmental ellection is close and I have the right to vote for our state! It is funny all of them have somethings that are good and some points that are not so it is not taht easy to decide but I hope to come to a conclusion soon.

I had four plants that I loved most among my plants and I gave them away to Tanja, Christian and Krista!

I gave two Orkides to Tanja to thank for her kindness and generousity. I gave one of those that we planned with Sam in 2007 to Christian because I like him so much and I wanted him to have something that has got a lot of love from me and I gave the other one to Krista and Stefan because they moved in and I think they deserve having my lovely plant.

Mitra is coming to Europe on 23rd and I am going to visit her hopefully between 4th and 12th of October in France. I am so excited about it. I was hoping that Shahab can follow as well but it does not look like his visa will be issued by then.

Aniko is back in Sweden, looking for job.

These days everybody is kind of searching for a stability and the political parties have used it a lot to do advertisement for themselves.

I have the first gym training tomorrow at seven and it will be a long day. So need to get some rest makes me say bye and wish you sweet sweet dreams.

Love and Peace to all

Maybe today was one of the most beautiful days in last three weeks and I stayed teh whole day at home wondering about so many things that there was actually no need to take up today...

I should not rush in anything and it is so much against my nature but when I get stressed I can not avoid it.

Mohammad Nouri died and my mom said nothing about it when we talked.

We went out yesterday with my "friends" and there was a girl that all of them knew her but me!

They had had dinner together and ... and none of them said a word to me.

I flet like they don't want my company and I kind of understand them.

Even today I did not go for the dinner I was invited to fast jag

hade inte lovad att jag går.

Sun is setting at qvarter past eight and it is shining through the living room in Tanja and Liza's apartment and we just finished dinner and are waiting for the tea.

They talked with Tanja's mom and grandmo and it is so nice to listen to a language that I can not pick even one word!

I wish I ad a camera, I could take good pictures from

Tanja and Liza.

Laughing without any reason and Liza talking with me and coming to my room without any real reason is a ood sign of getting integrated in their small cozy family.

Locky is going around smelling at everything, leaving pälls overallt.

Clover comes back tomorrow, Afshinis in Stockholm, I talked to Firouzeh, I tried to call Sam several times and family stuff in Tehran are kind of getting more and more complicated not for me but for me!

Does not make sense for you? sorry I can not explain m

ore! This part is one of those parts I write for myself and myself.

I gonna miss this place when I move out! I wish they had an extra room i could rent and live with them.

By the way after the two dreams I had two nights in a row about my uncle Ali, I tried to call him but he did not pick up. Miss my family...

next week is a day ful of exams and work and meetings...

Let c how am Igonna make this through.

Love and peace to me and to you and to all the world.

May God bless us in these nice period of time.

I just checked my blog if I have written about the lady in yellow who paid for my parking and did not expect any thing in return and yes I had done it.

It might feel desperate but such people and such things have become rare!

yesterday finally I saw some smile on the face of my colleague Fredrik.

I got a BIG, better to say huge! Squash from Pelle who is working in the farm me and Clover also have a piece of land and Te whole last week I have been wondering how nice some one can be and this some one is Tatjana, my former teacher and current friend.

She is so pure, friendly, nice and ... but I have been thinking how hard has it been to know her. I never thought she was bad or mean but could never guess she is so nice niether.

She is shy and not so talkative.

I am staying in their apartment and she has moved to her daughter's room and left her room to me. They wait for me to wake up and have breakfast and she does not move any thing I put somewhere in case I wanted to have it there or ....

It is just soooo nice and I don't know if I deserve it or not.

I talked with Siavash after a loooong period and it felt so good to see old friends are always close friends even if you don't meet or talk for a long time.

The interview is getting even closer than we expected it and we are looking forward.

Yesterday we went swimming with Constance, Julian and Liza and it was so good to be in motion again!

:)

This morning the sun was shining and promised Liza to go out but now it realy looks ready to rain but one should keep ens ord!

:)

Love and peace to you all

MahgoL

p.s. I found these pictures on Saba Soltanzadeh's page. We used to go to the same class when I was 8!

it is not so hard to find me, almost the same face and be revayati the same brain! :)

In Sweden, summer is like a long shock!
It is soon over.
Constance is back, Clover will be back, Tanja is back, school is getting a new life from the students who are getting to do re-exams in the middle of the August and the staff who are getting ready to receive new students.
The wind, early and earlier sunsets and the special smell in the air!
The rain coat hanging to my bag as a security shield :)
I read a nice sentence today:
Birth and death are not in your hands but you can choose to LIVE in between these two.
I am in a constant attempt to get closer to my colleagues in Lidl, for it is the only way I can enjoy working and that is one of the requirements of enjoying life.
This is a good one too.
Var så goda!
:)
p.s. it means: forgive the others, not just because they deserve your forgiveness but also because you deserve this calmness.

Today was a long day, started at quarter past 6,

good breakfast with Jel and Matthias,

driving them to station and saying goodbye,

Sundinska, cleaning Bjorn's car,

picking up my posts, getting a present from Janas and Sofie (how sweet of them),

taking Sina to "UNI", he ended up going to meet the former owner of my appatment to be!

Driving home, getting some papers,

checking my account, YES!!!! the salary is there!

Paying some depts,

calling momi, Maryam, Mahya, Baba, Shahab's maman, Shahabam! :)

going to radiology to tke a picture from my wrist,

going down town to have my contract with mimer!

Here is the thirst sweet part of the story, first one was the presant from Sofie and Jana,

second one was taht Sina came with me though he had a lot to do in the university,

and the third:

my card did not work at the parking automat, in the middle of the town,

I had no coins,

the service with text message was not working ither,

There came a lady, paid for her parkinga nd went to put the ticket in her car, when she came back she asked me if I still am struggling and I said yes, ...

She gave me 12 SEK which was enough for one hour and I just felt like meeting an angel.

I did not know how to thank,

I wante dto et her number and thank her in a proper way later but ... She really did not expect any thing....

It felt like, heaven!

I got my contract signed with mimer, met Shahab by chance in the city and then did fika with Sahar and Shahan in the Caffe by svartan in storagatan!

went to work and got my contract extended for the next three mounths,

worked till 8, got stock in the burik till a quarter to nine,

met Bjorn, went to ICA did some shoping,

Bjorn drove me to Clover to get my keys to my bicycle and then I just walked back "home",

talked to khale Anahita about the trip to France in October and ...

spent the rest of the time, on phone or in the mailboxes...

Tomorrow I am going to vacation for three days.

Jackie will pick me up from School at nine and we drive all the way down to Smaland.

When I come back, Mana and others have already moved to my new apartment in Folke...

I have to clean clothes for tomorrow because the laundry room of the building has been booked till next tuseday and it is not that warm that in case of washing with hand they get dry by morning...

we will c!

catch you later.

Don't get stressed

Enjoy life,

Love and Peace to you all

Mah Gol

Now it feels home, more than anytime. Tanja's apartment, I mean.

I have cooked, baked and took a hot bath. It is so funny, I do not dare to fill the bath tub since I think about water shortage in warm lands. don't laugh at me it is true. It is the image I have from my childhood.

Some one once told me that it really does not waste much more water than taking a shower but I certainly do not believe it.

I miss Maryam and Mahya. I want to talk to them. I want to feel my father's persance, concentrating on a book or an article of the news paper in a peaceful evening at home.

Matthias and Jelske are on their trip which at a point will be in Stockholm 28th of july.

I had planned to go to south with Jackie on one hand and on the other hand it would be amazingly wonderful to see these two lovely friends.

We will c.

There are still alot of things not finished. It looks like life is a bunch of done and not done tasks, happy or sad of some of those past ones and excited or stressed about does coming up.

Tomorrow I will be working again, one day off on Friday and a very busy weekend in Lidl.

Love and Peace.

Mahgol

Finally with help of Na'im, Shahab, Afsheen, Sina, Farahnaz and Mana, I have moved all my stuff to Tanja's house and storage room and am planning to move to the new place, wherever it is in the begining of September.

I miss my Shahab and my family.

Constance is missed so much. I am happy that Clover could make it to France and also paied a visit to her. I could feel her loneliness through the lines she was writing in skype.

A lot of paper works waiting for me today and tomorrow before the work.

Did I not tell you that everything gets better sooner or later?

Love and Peace to you all

Mahgol

P.S. I was nagging about life and Sina said something thought full, any way, there is no reason not to enjoy your day.

It should be hormones.

I am angry. I get angry with those who I feel they like me though I am married and even more angry to those who behave different since I am married, not that they have become rude but more respect and less emotions makes a huge different, at the same time I feel like jag är slut bara för att jag är gift though I know it is not like that.

and the FACT that

I have chosen to live in world of feelings and emotions pops up and waves every now and then.

Actually I had no choice, the face of reality and rationality is too horrible for me.

Lurar jag mig? Jag bryr mig inte!

I want to study, practice Capoeira and learn German.

...

When I think more I should say that it is not the only thing that I fool my self about according to others.

I believe that we live and have lived more than once.

I believe those who we feel good or bad about is a lot depending on our previous lives.

Ibland tänker jag att Christian hade varit min son eller bror i livet för det här livet eller förför...

jag tycker om honom, saknar honom och tänker på honom ofta, men det är inte på en sexualitet sätt. Jag vill bara se honom och känna att han är där och mår bra. Det kan vara ovanligt och obekant för honom det är därför jag inte berättar det för honom.

At the same time there are many things I am waiting that they get solved and this waiting which is always there...

I will write more, maybe soon with a pleasant piece.

Life becomse beautiful and nice soon.

:)

Peace and happines to you all.

Soooo

I am back.

Now I am sitting at the table of Tanja's appartment. Yes table and not desk, it is not a language mistake. I ave set my laptop on their dining table. :)

I worked four hours in Lidle today.

Lucky is running around, and is happy ta

ht I came home early today.

There has not been a single night that I came home earlier than 23. It has been so busy. the worst thing is that. I was not settled down. I wanted to be in Sundinska with others and I had to be here with Lucky.

And I did not know that they have wireless internet and t felt even more isolated.

I talked with Mohsen and he said that Ewa is reading my blog from Poland and I was so surprized.

Melika and Bjorn went to Iran today to be more precise I should say that they are taking off in half an hour.

I already have their car to return some stuff to Parisa and Mansoureh and return the skirt Melika has bought for her mom and get more banana cartons from Lidl for moving.

Aha te relationship between picking up the car and returning those stuff was that , they left the stuff in teh car since I had the car to the key but not the appartment.

We just found out that Batu's car does not have the THING to pull the släp for moving the heavi stuff.

I think I gonna be moving to the appartment in Viksäng.

I called the guy and we decided that he stays at home tomorrow and I go to c the place.

I want a light appartment with a big window.

We will c.

I did not call Clover on Friday, I did not know if I could go or not till it got too late.

I feel a little bit lost, taht is because I do a lot of things in Lidl but it is just paied job and it does not add anything to my.

a little bit language and public relationship skills but ...

I am wondering if I should get the full time job at Lidl for four years and stay in Sweden or should I invest more on the second master I want to start and try to get in a Doktorand position.

I am also very worried for my visa application. If I dont get it ontime, I would have no job in August with Lidl. That is the worth which can happen.

...

Sam had an accident in Germany. I should talk to him to get sure he is fine.

I think I have missed some of my friends' birthdays because of the F***** Facebook.

I am not going to go back to Facebook. I AM NOT DOING IT. NO MATTER WHAT!!!!

One of the things taht irritates me a lot is the scene whre you sit in a bus or train or bus stop or train station and what do you see?

All the people around are playing with their mp3 players or mobiles.

It can happen that you sit beside your callsmate or nighbour but you don't notice since you are too busy with your mobile.

We avoid each others eyes. We are afraid to be approached.

I still have to write about the trip to France.

I would love to write about my feelings to different people.

I will write about my co-workers in Lidl.

my story is to be continued...

Love and peace from 33 degree Sweden