He left at the begining of october and it took 100 days to rach to this explotion time...

Maybe he is right, who knows?

I was fascinated by some one and I asked a friend's opinion about him/her. This friend of mine is doing nothing but analysing and he just said: "He/She is so selfish and selfcentered."

Maybe that is why I felt so close to him/her.

Bjorn took these pictures from me yesterday. I wanted to have a picture with some friends who are in teh same buidling but all of them were sleeping at 10 in the evening de to some sleeping di orders we all suffer from these days.I like these photos. :)

Thank you min vän...

So today was another BirthDay!

Now it is over and I feel like writing down who called or sent me a message here in my blog.

Farideh, Ebi, Mitra, Maryam, Shahab, Anahita, Ellie, Dag, Rebecca, Shahryar, Giti, Mahya, Ariana, Taraneh, Elham, Yasaman, Shadi, Mohammad, Sally and Lorena called me,

Shaghayegh sent me an ecard,

Armin and Ahmad send me a message on mobile,

Hamed sent me a message on Facebook before I close it permenantly,

Andrea, Bernd, Nina, Mareike and Connie send me a message on StudiVZ,

Clover, Nasrin, Sam, Petr, Josef and Zita sent me an email.

Then Mehrnoosh cought me online and said happy birthday :)

Mariam and Mahya had left me messages online too.

Bjorn and Melika brought me to fika in Punkt and we had a great dinner togther.

Afshin and Baharak bought me a presant yesterday in clous ohlson and gave me a card which it is written: "Har forsokt att ringa..." on it. :)

I received a sweet email from a friend and felt like I want to share it with ones who I thought about on my birthday and I just sent it to them, it turned out to be a list of 125 people. :)

I think Birthday is a day like other days just that we have an excuse to do things that we don't do normally. Like giving presants to ones who we like or writing cards or saying words that we don't see any point to say in other days.

I would love to share two very sweet texts I received from Clover and Zita, I thought alot if I should post it here or not, but I decided taht these are mine now and I can do whatever I want with them.

It is not me and I don't mean saying I am like this, I just want to show how we can be sweet and say good things always but we are so in special occasions like ones Birthday.

:)

and what I want to add is:

1- I am thankful for my life, family and friends.

2- I will come back with a more serious post about birthday later.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Happy Birthday my dearest friend!

Take good care of yourself and be true to your heart in 2010, you are a beautiful person and you make so many of us feel happy and at home.

Skött om dig, och tänk på vad du vill i livet.

Kram kram kram

Clovie

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hi my dear!

Happy Birthday for you!

In my imagination I just go and say it personally.

I miss your closeness.

Hope this birthday will bring you all you want, clear decisions about what to do with who, where to go with who. You are so kind, I think that characteristic of you is not appreciated on its place. Because if we would have more people like you, the world would be a totally different, better place.

I am so glad to know you, and grateful for life that you call me friend.

Love you:

Zita

PS.: The drawing atteched comes with big heart, lots of emotions, small drawing knowledge : )

Why do we not believe the connection between souls?

HE gets sad I feel it but I ignor it or ask... no need for this nor for that.

Now I see taht I was not aware that it was my last post in 2009, but now jag vet att det är första i 2010.

kanske det är bättre om jag skriver på svenska för att nu känner jag till några svenska ord!

fortfarande känner jag mig illa och kunde jag inte konsentrera mig på studera men tänkte jag så mycket om livet och kärlek, om skolan och jobbet, om pengar och bostad, om kropet och själen.

Shahab said that I should become clear with my self instead of being worried about his telephone bill and this it so true. He is right! I am not clear with myself.

I know that once I was clear with myself but I am not sure if it can happen again.

I feel stressed and it makes it worse.

Vahid wrote me some comments. It was sweet. He reads my blog, I did not know.

And Baharak. She is leaving Sweden tomorrow. She is one of those "khosh'hal" poeple. There are so many people who critisize ones like Baharak but I am not sure if we should not be so.

I took some pictures from her just by her own camera and I am happy with some of them.

I think I will uppload some here.

Today Sepideh had made "NAZRI" and we ate it "DORE HAM".

And I deactivated my Facebook. :)
I feel even better taht the time I stopped using it.

Today I was so down,

I was full of missings. There are some certain people, places, feelings, smells, tastes, sounds I am missing.

I watched at Capoeira movies on youtube for about three hours. I talked with Shahab online, Edris Called me, Tahereh Called me, Firouzeh Called me, Rebecca sent me a message Elham called me and I sent a message to Christian. I had lunch with Melika and asked Arash if he is always high!

I went to the library and gave a book Melika wanted to return and picked a book I had asked them to buy and reserved it!

Nobody, Nowhere from Donna Williams.

On teh way back from teh library, I went to the apotek and bought some Vitamin C and Magnesium pills.

Yesterday it was -19 degrees in Västerås but sun was shining and we did not want to miss it, on the other hand I had two guests from France via Couch Surfing and I wanted to be with them and show them around so after they had breakfast with Anoine's home made jam, we started walking to Björnö. it was soooooooo cold. we went by the harbour and took som pictures. It payed all the tiredness off when they were so excited standing, walking, running and then jumping on the frozen lake for the first time. They were playing frizby (?) on teh lake and in the snow...

It was fun to watch.

they digged the snow on teh frozen lake to see the ice and become sure they are standing on ICE.

We had lunch with Farahnaz and Mostafa and in teh evening Ebi and Farideh came with some food from Saleh's restaurang.

I am not sure if I should go to Johan and Silvia for the new years eve. (tomorrow night to be precise) or should I go to Ritta and Anton or should I simply stay at home.

I need some calm moments being with Mahgol.

People have started fireworks already from tonight, I can hear then and see them from my big window.

There is apicture of the french kid, excited on Mälaren!

p.s. I am so excited about the book. I want to make a tea, sit in my bed and read the book.

I am a person who needs to make extreme decisions in order to be able to keep them...

I am thinking of some good steps in my life that should be taken or should have been taken long a go...

I will start with them during the holidays and will continue for the new year.

It is good excuse ro revise.

Alcohol and red meet are among tose to avoid even more than before.

There might be some more to be shared here and some to be kept for myself.

I defenately miss some parts f the old Mahgol. I will build a better one.

Today was a long day and I am so tired but I am happy.

I will have some days just sitting and reading and writing, playing Berimbau and dealing ith my sick toe.

I am writing in the notebook I recieved from Clover as a presant. I enjoy it a lot! I am oldfashioned , I know it and I like it.

I hope Coop xra is open tomorrow. I have to go and buy bread for Melika and Bjorn, We ate their bread without teling them this morning and forgot to buy them new ones. They will have no breakfast, it would be very embaressing.

Please be open dear Coop Extra.

Good night from Me and Mushi! the Cat who is sleeping easy minded on my bed deside the armed Berimbau.

Today I had a look on Christian's Favorite musics he introduced in his profile.

Some of them are really good.

I don't know, me and music, sounds like a very bad and strange combination. I think to my self, there has been told much of those I struggle to say and it can really help to liten to music as it can help to read books or talk to people or watch movies and I always missed it.

The fact is that I get too involved in anything so they put great influences on me.

I was thinking and wrote about Lode yesterday and he called me with his Dutch number and I got so surprised but as always I missed the call I was not expecting but could make me so happy.

I am thinking abd believing other lives we had before coming to this world more and more as time passes. I want to get them serious. There are just a few people who I feel strongly connected to and I find no reason for it and maybe I am fooling myself but the only thing can be possible bonding we had in other lives....

I am going to take it a little bit more serious but keep the balance not to fall from the other side as Shahab tells me always and ofcourse my mom used to say too.

Burak and Constance are leaving, Edris is coming to visit and Elham is already here. I sent the task we had to send to Håkan 5 days ago.

I am sich and I prefere to stay at home but I have to return some books to library and they are already one day late... and I have to see Constane and Burak and hug them for the last time in 2009.

We got the answer from Migrationsverket. Our case got rejected. We should try another way.

I thought of borrowing a Berimbau from the group and Daniel said it is not a problem, the only thing is taht I have to try to get him to the city so that he can open the door and I can get one, or I can ask Christian to do it, he lives closer to the training place.

Any way, things to do, still Magnus and Anna Carin and Anna ANARCHY have not recieved my uppsats and it is not bra!

snow sitting at my wwindow and no clover in the other side of the city, with a distance of 20 SEK.

The first part is just going to be written because I donät want some thing else sitting on my chest or shouldder or any other place as a "to be finished soon" thing.

About the story from Swedish literature:

Some people wit religious background said:

"One can think so that the father and daughter both had a very good ending just like jesus! Now they can live together for ever happily..."

Some more rational ones like Burak said:

"I think the metaphoric resimbplance here is that, thei daughter took those steps down to death as she decided to stay each and everytime his father petended to be sick and needing her though maybe at the back of her heart she knew they were not real untill at the end they got trapped with the real sicknesses and problem taht was out of their hands finally."

It looked like a big group of students agreed with Burak after thinking an getting completely what he ment and it included me and Clover as well.

I thought about it so much and I can see simmilar situations in my pwn life and in Shahab's life.

It looks like some times we make some decisions with not being clear with ourselves at the moment though later we can find good excuses for them or even at the moment trying to convience ourselves with reason taht might be good enough fo rthe whole world but deep inside we don't believe in them and then I can say taht it always gets you some where in a similar situation where you really can find no way escaping...

I enjoyed this variety of interpretations. there were some other suggestions that apparently were result of that the suggestion giver was eighther not have been thinking about the subject or not read the story completely that does not worth mentioning. (Now here, Clover is laughing and Burak might be saying, you know Mahgol? I like you when you are really straight forward) :)

And now the second part which is the reason I logged in...

I want to write about inside:

I feel like a woman!

Yesterday I wanted to be mom...

Hormons? Maybe!

Age? Maybe!

Weather? No! not this one!

I feel far from Mahgol. She is not being considered by me. Me old one has become just like a memory AGAIN!

Why do I say again? sure I will explain. garna!

I have had this feeling before. I feel like I even don't know the old Mahgol.I can look at her in my mind and it feels like looking at completely different person who I rarely know and understand.

Today I went to training room by mistake! there was no training! Language problem? Maybe they said it in Swedish but I did not get it and I was quite sure I heard some body said: Ses pa Sondag! any way.. then I tried to go to Constane and give her what I had bought here but she did not answer my message and has not done it yet after 8 hours, then i went and visited a middle age lady I know living in the city. We had tea and she showed me all the pictures she had and now I know whole her family. I got surprised by my patience with her though I had a hard headache and I just thought about the old times I used to spend a lot of time with mormor or farmor... I like old people. I think I understand them.

I feel like I can do something with my life but I have the feeling taht this something is so much far from where I am now or where I am heading to... I even have not started to get an idea were it ca be,,, but no wait a moment, I am sure I should work in a way taht at the end it helps others, I think that is the only thing taht can make me keep ging on.

A lot of things is my mind, in my painful head...

Did Lode come and go already?

When is Marta leaving to S. Africa?

What is barnkalas taht Christian was going to today? I know knitkalas but barnkalas?

:)

I bought the presants I wanted to give to two couples I know and have got baby recently but It looks like I can never do it since they were not home this week and my phone stopped working properly when I was trying to set a time with them.

I am eager what is Clover doing in S.B and I wonder if my aunt got disappointed taht I did not accept her invitation for going to Cannes.

And Sam...

Soon it is his birthday and I don't want to forget it but anyway I have no adress to send a card or no number to call.

va amma eshgh...

Today was a day of thinking about Shahab, listening to Siavash Ghomeishi and getting up and down by different clear memories taht are popping up and injecting strong feeling of memories in my heart...

I have to finish a lot of things I have started but life is a simple hard puzzle.

I got an emai about a couple getting married 5 days before the girl dies of Cancer...

I don't know who to admire. but the thing is taht it is beautiful and so much like the LIFE I can imagine. the so much NOW identity of it mixed with a great flavour of LOVE...

God I feel good with these people.

and this is my laptop background now.

If we had not heard that this is wrong and that is right...

if we were confident about ourselves...

if we were not so much afraid of getting rejected...

and if we were living aware of that we might not see the sun tomorrow,

We would have lived much more better tror jag!

We would have said to the ones we loved that we love them.

We would have told the ones who we cared about taht we care about them,

we would have told our friends more often that they look beautiful today or the colour orange suites them,

We would have written or said to our friends more often that we were thinking about them...

We would have turned off the bicycle lights that were left on,,,

we would have said hi more often to the ones wiping the snow from the side walk in front of their home more often...

we would have made hot chocolate and drank it with the guys sitting in those noisy cars cleaning the streets in the long cold dark nights...

we would have been living better if we were not just thinking and talking like me and would have taken action instead like those few, rare ones in the world...

Today was the first day after almost 10 days I was home for breakfast and sat with Melika and Bjorn whose companies I had missed for a long time.
Had toasted bread with butter and cheese and Halva.
Then I went to ICA with Shahab and on the way back it started Snowing...
Aha something else, funny! :)
I woke up first around 7 and it was dark, went to WC and wrote a message and went to sleep again. around 12 I opened my eyes and I saw the blue sky with some random small white clouds and the sun was shining, :) You can not believe it, I JUMPED out of bed! :)
SUN!!!!!!!
:)
Then I ran to the balcony and let the cold fresh air deep in my longs and felt the sun on my face...
Ok I was talking about the snow! I got so excited, when I reached my room, I just sat on the bed and wrote a message to 12 friends! "Glad Snö!"
it snowed jusy 10 minutes and since the ground was warm, all of them melted but still, I think it was long enough to pump the excitement and happiness in my blood and trigger me sending a message to those who I wanted to share my happiness with!
All the day I was just going around, enjoying having no shoes or bras on, seeing people in the corridor.
I was invited to Clover and I could go with Batu or Constance's friends by car but I just got permission from Clover to stay home and enjoy being home on my own after a long time.
I feel good and kind of excited about tomorrow. The last Capoeira training of the year 2009 with Jens (since he is going to Brazil on Monday) and then we are going to have lunch with Capoeiristas and the Roda we are planning to have with guys from Stockholm.
I hope my toe does not bother so much since it still aches from the training on Wednesday.
I talked with Ali Samini and Maryam Adldoost on phone and I got a message from Khale Ana inviting me to Cannes for the christmass or new years eve to spend it with her and my cousines. I have to decide about time and she will buy me the ticket but I still am not sure about it.
We will see.
Love and Peace to all
Mahgol

Today,

is or better to say was the opening day of IPE! http://www.internationalpresence.se/overview...

Last night was the Julfest in one of the corridors in the school, seeing my teachers drunk!

Sleeping hoss Constance,

Today: hormons play a reinforcing role and "The Crush Gets Worse".

Today: Sleeping ON tables of a group room beside Clover and dream about funny strange stupid things.

Today is going to be continued in Capoeira training room and hoss Batu, havinga dinner with Larissa and enjoy last days she is spending here with us in Västerås.

Today is the day: I have not got my admission for the next course yet but the others have.

Today is: tomorrow is the deadline and the exam and the last day to pick the book up from library and last day to tell bostad västerås if I am staying or not!

Today is the day jag orkar inte mer!

Today I worked from 8 to 14, met my friends, got a free haircut, had fika with Afshin and went to Capoeira.

On te way back I tried to smile to people though it was dark, though it was cold, though I had trainingpain in my legs.

And then near the hospital I saw a man walking oppisite side, smiling to me and I felt so lucky and happy.

I listened to some musics while checking my emails and I missed Sam.



I get panicked thinking about the fact he was here two years and now he is not. There will be a time no everybody is here or I am not simply here any more....

Any way, life is like this. eller hur? och vi far forsatta!

kram pa er

MahGol

p.s. I have not forgotten saying the reactions and interpretations of the story in our Swedish class. (Just in case you follow ;))

We read this story in the Swedish class and it was so simple at the first glance but then when we discussed it longer then it became such a beautiful metaphoric one taht I felt like writing about it in the blog.

There was an old man who lived in a small cottage near the sea. His sons were dead, his first wife died soon and then the second one also died but he had just a daughter from the whole world. They liked each other so much and the girl was taking care of her father in a very good way.

Since they were living in a small twon, one day the girl told the father that she would like to go to a bigger city and experience life there, she wanted to study and work.

The day, she had packed and was ready to go, her father got a strange pain in his little finger in his laft hand and asked the girl not to leave until he becomes better. The girl who loved her father so much, stayed and after some mounth her father was better, one day he picked up the package they had bought from the store and the daughter said:

"Oh father you are all fine again!" and he said: "yes it looks like that".

She started to pack and this time, the father got a very bad pain in his back that could hardly move, the girl stayed to help the father and feed him while he was lying on the bed, six, seven months later he came out of the bed and he looked healthy again, so the girl shouted happily: "Oh look father you are all fine again", She wanted to go then but it was soon winter so she stayed and decided to go in Spring...

The flowers showed up and the trees got newl leaves after the snow melted, she packed and wanted to go when his father went blind this time. He could absolutely not see anything! She unpacked and became his father's eyes, day and night, taking care of him and being nice to him, after some mounths he suddenly started to see and the girl decided to go before anything else happened to her father.

She put on her clothes and got ready to say goodbye to her father,

This time, there appeared a wound in the father's right hand's palm and then another one in his left hand, and they started to bleed, she went after doctor and when they got back he actually had got two other wounds in his left and right feet and they were bleeding too.

He had so much pain and they could not help him. He got a deep wound in the side of his chest and it also started to bleed.

It was before eastern and the daughter was taking care of her father, but it did not help that much.

He got worse and got some wounds around his head, they bleeded alot too and he died the day after eastern.

They went to the funeral and everybody was telling the girl that now she is free and can go fo her distany.

She waited some days and afterward she decided to leave the house. She got her suitcase and came out.

She took the frist step down to the street and she felt a huge pain in her little finger if her left hand, she continued but then there was a untolerable pain in her back, they pain made her bend but she took went down to the third step and suddenly the whole world became balck! She went blind. She was searching for help so she almost rolled down the last and fourth step when she felt warmness of blood in her palms, then her feet and the side of her chest, last thing she felt before dying was a burning feeling of pain around her head...

OK!

My reaction was! vad fannn! Svenska literatur! men...

but I will let you think a little bit and then I will come back with some pieces of extra information and our discussions in the class which were surprisingly enlightening! :)

I think it is interesting!
Take it if you have time.
http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/JTypes2.asp
Are you eager about mine? I am an INFP, it means I am a healer. :)
It means that http://www.keirsey.com/handler.aspx?s=keirsey&f=fourtemps&tab=3&c=healer
I gave these links on purpose because then if you get the test you can find out about your own personality thrugh them too.
By the way, thank for the comments, I did not know that I have to reply them. Dear Zita, Constance, Clover, Ali, Mahgol, Nomin and many other unknowns who left comments on my posts, I thank you so much and I appriciate that you spend time reading my posts and leaving messages. I think about them.

Jag bara underar,
why are we so shy and inconfident in expressing our emotions?
Are we afraid of that somebody make fun of us?
Are we afraid of loosing what we already have?
Is it not nice to tell the ones who we like or love or have simply a crush on?
Or maybe it is better to ask, what is the purpose of saying such a thing to the person? Just for getting it of our chest?
And Why am I making these sentences in plural form?
Just to prove that I am not alone in this?
Burak said it is cheating on your boyfriend if you say that you had a crush on another guy.
I consider this lovely friend of mine as a typical asshole but I think about what he says. At least I know that there are people who think like that....
Any way, this is exam period and in these kind of occassions I always feel like having an artistic exhibition or doing something out of norm of the society but rational according to my beliefs.
Jag tror att jag far sluta har.
vi hors
ha det jatte bra

Some times my mind is too fantasyful!

I am coming from Iran as you might know. Iran for me is still a land of poem, carpet, dance, fruite, sunshine, wine and music.

I was trying to play Berimbau properly the day before yesterday. I closed my eyes and tried to listen. Zarina and Cruja were trying to sing at the same time they were playing.
For me, Voice of human being and body's movements are the most genuine and beautiful pieces of art.
We get the result directly without any parasit in between. Human voice and the movement are the best ways for expressing what is going on in the inner world.

Other arts such as cinema, painting, handcrafts or even music, there is something in between, some tools, some device. I even donät like it when they place a microphone in front of the batteria.
Any way I wanted to do a comparison for you. I really hope I can make it. It comes deep from Persian poetric history.

Maybe you have heard of Rumi. (http://pt.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jalal_ad-Din_Muhammad_Rumi)
In the following poem that is kind of long, deep and ofcourse affected by being translated (think about Capoeira songs lyrics being translated to English and how they loose their meanings through this translation, but still make some sense) I was thinking about Berimbau instead of reed that is a kind of natural make flute as an old iranian musical instrument.
I think Capoeira music is natural and calming, it sitts in the soul and the musics and musical instruments come from nature, from where we come from and go back to.

I don't like Panderos made from plastic and metal.

In the following poem, as I said one can imagine reed as any Capoeira musical instrument, weeping can be considered as doing any Capoeira movement, the emphasis on gathering can be the importance of Roda and keeping groups such as happy and sad or men and women as audiances of the reed can be a point to the fact that now Capoeira is not just for a small group of special people.

But my main point is the part number 6!

Each befriended me for his own reasons, yet none searched out the secrets I contain.

This is what all Capoeiristas talks about Capoeira look like, any body has been doing Capoeira for her/his own personal reason and now in this poem the reed is nagging about not being completely comprehended, nobody has asked him what he axactly wanted to say with this loud sound, maybe it has been the shout of anger and the message of freedom before for the slaves but now?

The other parts I just kept them there to be loyal and not cut the poem in the middle.
I would like to invite you to pay special attention to the parts number 18-19-20-21 and 27-28 as well.
I am happy sharing this with you. I hope it is not too boring.

1. Listen to the reed and the tale it tells, how it sings of separation:
2. Ever since they cut me from the reed bed, my wail has caused men and women to weep.
3. I want a heart that is torn open with longing so that I might share the pain of this love.
4. Whoever has been parted from his source longs to return to that state of union.
5. At every gathering I play my lament. I'm a friend to both happy and sad.
6. Each befriended me for his own reasons, yet none searched out the secrets I contain.
7. My secret is not different than my lament, yet this is not for the senses to perceive.
8. The body is not hidden from the soul, nor is the soul hidden from the body, and yet the soul is not for everyone to see.
9. This flute is played with fire, not with wind, and without this fire you would not exist.
10. It is the fire of love that inspires the flute. It is the ferment of love that completes the wine.
11. The reed is a comfort to all estranged lovers. Its music tears our veils away.
12. Have you ever seen a poison or antidote like the reed? Have you seen a more intimate companion and lover?
13. It sings of the path of blood; it relates the passion of Majnun.
14. Only to the senseless is this sense confided. Does the tongue have any patron but the ear?
15. Our days grow more unseasonable, these days which mix with grief and pain. . .
16. but if the days that remain are few, let them go; it doesn't matter. But You, You remain, for nothing is as pure as You are.
17. All but the fish quickly have their fill of His water, and the day is long without His daily bread.
18. The raw do not understand the state of the ripe, and so my words will be brief.
19. Break your bonds, be free, my child! How long will silver and gold enslave you?
20. If you pour the whole sea into a jug, will it hold more than one day's store.
21. The greedy eye, like the jug, is never filled. Until content, the oyster holds no pearl.
22. Only one who has been undressed by Love is free of defect and desire.
23. O Gladness, O Love, our partner in trade, healer of all our ills,
24. Our Plato and Galen, remedy for our pride and our vanity.
25. With love this earthly body could soar in the air; the mountain could arise and nimbly dance.
26. Love gave life to Mount Sinai, O lover. Sinai was drunk; Moses lost consciousness.
27. Pressed to the lips of one in harmony with myself, I might also tell all that can be told;
28. but without a common tongue, I am dumb, even if I have a hundred songs to sing.
29. When the rose is gone and the garden faded, you will no longer hear the nightingale's song.
30. The Beloved is all; the lover just a veil. The Beloved is living; the lover a dead thing.
31. If Love withholds its strengthening care, the lover is left like a bird without wings.
32. How will I be awake and aware if the light of the Beloved is absent?
33. Love wills that this Word be brought forth.
34. If you find the mirror of the heart dull, the rust has not been cleared from its face.
35. O friends, listen to this tale, the marrow of our inward state.
--Version by Kabir Helminski. From "The Rumi Collection: An Anthology of Translations and Versions of Jalaluddin Rumi" (Putney, Vermont: Threshold Books, 1998), pp. 145-46. This is a revision of earlier versions ("Love is A Stranger," 1993, pp. 50-52; "Ruins of the Heart," 1981, pp. 19-20).

It looks like it always happens, just right in the moment you think everything is fine, some thing happens.
Where you think you might not be misunderstood or you don't need to think so much before talking, you get trapped!
My friend got irritated by what I said without thinking, actually maybe it was just a loud public thinking thing!
Deep people get hurt so rare but it takes so long to get back to the normal stage of friendship or closeness.
There is a wall, you can not see it but as you go closer you feel it pressing on you chest.
I hate it. I want it over.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

And just like always another parallel irelevant subject.

Yesterday I saw a patriot Finnish guy having a silver lion with a stick or a sward in his halsband.
And today on the way from Behrangs apartment to university's library I noticed another lion, standing proudly as a symbol of Goteborg maybe.
Any way as symbol of anything, it was not the symbol of sperm tank that it actually is.
Male lion is one of the least useful animals in the whole world. It just sitts or better to say lies on the grass under shaddow, eat what the females have hunted, ibland roars and gärna mates! and that is it and it is almost all around the world the symbol of power, dignity and royalty. but actually the last one maybe fitts ;)

A long day is about to finish just two hours before another one starts.
Today was sunday, I woke around 8 by a pleasant call from Iran.
I slept again and woke up kind of late to get on Capoeira training on time but I went anyway because Jag orkar inte missa till och med en gang.
It was so nice training with Music first and then Maculele.
Today we did some group organized movements, very nice.
Then I had a nice chat with Zarrina in Spicy hot and then got home, changed and went to Rebecca for fike, directly from Rebeccas place we went to Tango with Romain.
After Tango I came home, checked my emails chatted with Sam and made food and had dinner with Afshin and Shahab, then at around 10 the serious stuff started to get started when Shahab asked to swe his torn pillow, I did so and then got back to work.
One job application.
One email to thesis supervisor and some paragraphs on Thesis and address finding for seminar tomorow.
:)
It is 3:37 in the morning and I have to wake up at 6 to get ready and go to station to get the train at 7:22!
Tomorrow will be finished at around 10 in Vikseng.
I need a big basic chakra for tomorrow!
Hope you all sleep well and get enough of it
:)
Have a great start for the week!
P.s. Frenchy got some sleep finally. You could see it in her face, fresh and shiny eyes like before!

Today I tried Ice Skating. I had never done it before.
I was scared and excited. It felt like the first time I wanted to jump in the deep part of the swiming pool, the first time I kknew my father is going to let me bicycle alone, the first time I was going to ask Jens to let me stand on my hands on myself and let the support.
There is this Psychology Today magazine I want to read so badly, it sits on my desk waiting for me finishing my articles and books which are VIPs.
There are two books I would love to read about autism and interpersonal communication and they are also waiting for swedish inlamnings to get klara and the lexur in form i fokus to get skrev...
There are two inlamnings and lot of ovning in form i fokus waiting for me to finish the first draft of my thesis and then go and halsa pa dem,
And the poor first draft is waiting for me to finish all my daily habbits which I'm trapped in.
:)
I repeat this which is called life, everyday and the good things is that, there is never a time I can say:
"I am bored, there is nothing to do"